Parker Reports: Day Two, Fiji Pro III!

Falls asleep! What did he miss?

So, yeah, heat nine.  Really slowing down here.  About to nod off.  Kerr is beating Andino with 7 and a half minutes left. Rosy’s wearing a billowing blouse number and my wife won’t go for a hump because I’m “way too drunk.”

And she’s making me turn off the contest so she can watch Game of Thrones.  I’m terribly abused.  But there’ll probably be tits.  That’s okay.

Sandor Clegane is still alive.  Wife says he’s gonna fight zombie Mountain.  Who cares?

Filthy dirty weirdo religious guy chats with the hot chick with nice tits and a killer smirk. I swear, ever GoT plot point can be solved by just stabbing some motherfucker.

Red beard bear fucker is following the guy who died but not really.  The wife says giants are all vegetarians, as though that’s interesting.

Eighteen minutes in and no tits.

Whoops.  Fell asleep on the couch.  What’d I miss?

Andino’s gone.  Bourez blessed my fantasy team and made it through.  Buchan slays the mother of dragons. Coffin/Cathels is in the water.  I’m struggling to focus.  Kind of bored.  Worried I missed some magic moments.

Day’s done. Likely lay days in the near future.  I can’t maintain over eight hours of drinking.  Maybe Derek or Chas can fill in anything I missed on the back third.

But Strider is talking about how “The waves actually were really fun out there. The waves were… you could rock up to anywhere you lived, at your home break, and be like, it’s going off.”

So I suspect I’m okay.

 

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dickie toledo
dickie toledo
10 years ago

karen perrow created this fake controversy in hopes you forget they’re competing in wind-blown slop instead of barrels.

Noncompetitor
Noncompetitor
10 years ago
Reply to  dickie toledo

Karen Perrow’s such a bitch

rozenswag
rozenswag
10 years ago

spoiler alert!

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
10 years ago

I down voted myself if it helps.

Choc
Choc
10 years ago

‘Ours’ was and still is a bad name but ‘Cape Fear’ is the worst.

mybrothersajunkie
mybrothersajunkie
10 years ago

Yeah I wonder what they were up to last night.. Blake Thornton told the interview chick he got stitches in his head ‘late last night’ and Koby the grub Abberton and Richie vas had a bit of bark missing.. All poking fun aside it was fucking insane to watch and I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Still fucken derro cunts but..

velobwoy
velobwoy
10 years ago

Jesus Rory, you slept through a wonderful titty scene.

mybrothersajunkie
mybrothersajunkie
10 years ago

Speaking of drunks and weirdos check out the ‘locals’ on the rocks at the red bull cape fear contest.. So refreshing to see pregnant woman still smoke cigarettes. Those Bra ‘people’ are all class..

lorne
lorne
10 years ago

in their good going out trackies. classic

longtom
longtom
10 years ago

hang on Rory had his balls cut off?

what do you call it when the coverage is more entertaining than the actual event?

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
10 years ago

Thank you Rory, that was great.

lorne
lorne
10 years ago

FORMER WORLD CHAMP MARTIN POTTER

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
10 years ago
Reply to  lorne

Yeah that wouldn’t fit in the box (shrug)


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