Who's the toughest man in surfing? Wrong! It's Julian Wilson!
And now let us frankly assess the masculinity, the toughness, of surfers compared to other professionals and hobbiests. I think it is very fair to put lumberjacks at the very top and furries at the very bottom. Roughnecks, crab fishermen, strong man competitors are in the upper third, very near the top. Professional poker players, video game enthusiasts and surfers are in the bottom third, very near the bottom.
Like our furry friends we are anthropomorphic, dressing up as cute little seals and playing in the waves like friendly dolphins. We clap our hands and hoot and giggle.
But now look at Julian “motherfucking” Wilson standing between furry friend Kanoa Igarashi’s and Kolohe Andino’s lockers in South Africa talking prosaically about his surfboard’s dimensions.
“Riding the Monster Six, pretty much an identical board to what I was riding last year. It’s got a little J on it for J-Bay last year. My favorite board. It’s 6’0″ and a half, 18 3/4 just over 2 1/4…..”
Talking banally about what he rides but all bashed up and totally awesome!
That is the face of a fighter. Of a rodeo clown. Of a man who has looked fear in the eye and gotten sandpapered by fear but don’t give two shits.
I am going to dress up like Julian Wilson for Halloween this year.
He’s a bad mama jama
Just as fine as he can be, hey
He’s a bad mama jama
Just as fine as he can be
His surfboard measurements are perfect in every dimension
Its got a figure thats sho nuff gettin attention
He’s poetry in motion, a beautiful sight to see
I get so excited viewin his anatomy
Oops. Ummm. Did I just write, “I get so excited viewin his anatomy?” Shit. Maybe forget that last line.
Trying to break rocks with his face, chasing down great whites for interrupting his final… I’d say the cunt is tough.
the problem with Is Is – Is!!!!! hahaha
haha very good
Keep all your comments for the coffee table book! I’m still pissed off I lost all mine because of fucken Morgan Williamson. Years of lost work. Now I comment off my phone so quality is down 30% at least!
Until I hear of another pro surfer sprinting TOWARDS a shark attack victim, I’d most certainly agree that Julian is the toughest PRO surfer out there. I’ve been in the water and seen a shark fin just break the surface (let alone actually attack someone) nearby and seen the toughest mma trained guys scatter and squeal like girls seeing a rat. They could’ve been sitting and rapping out with their best mates and not given two shits about them.
How has nobody mentioned bobby martinez?
Wilsons ‘Archie down’hooks in the pocket.
Chas, you’ve just gone too far here. I realize at this moment my own fragile ego is plainly bleeding through, but I’ve always thought of people that intentionally drown/avoid drowning as pretty tough. You, on the other hand, look like a heroin addled after-the-fact hipster, and I give you no credit in the tough department-I hear Patagonia in Cardiff is hiring … Super liked the book though!
Wait! What are you saying? I think Julian is genuinely tough. Do you not?
Chozzlos could you please send me a copy of your book? I’d be happy to pay. My email is [email protected]
Chas, I do think Julian is genuinely tough. Him paddling TOWARD Mick after Charlie Medina popped up in a shark suit was enough to make me a bigger fan than I already was. Fuck the haters-myself included. Lagunitas Lucky #13 was flowing. Super love the book!
Duder, 2 weeks later. I DO think Julian is genuinely tough. Love the book, just joking about Patagonia. I didn’t realize you were the dude that was married to my favorite Greek Goddess of a mythical 90’s female snowboard pro. That was genuine. I promise. Bless your skinny-jeaned-albeit-designer-heart
Also, wanted to know if you had any thoughts on Calvani? Will you touch on the fact that he is a bit of a cunt?
This guy be the toughest unit in surfing if he surfed but instead he going to fight ISIS. Am sure he wont stand out very easily
Is he going to fight ISIS or fight with ISIS? They could bottle up his farts to exterminate Syrian towns either way.
Mate he going to fight against ISIS!!! That size he would be hit easily by a sniper as wouldn’t be hiding behind too many trees!!!
Imagine him in a hipster vest out vicco dropping in on you on a mal!!!
Hahaha trees!? They don’t have trees in that godforsaken sandbox they call Raqqa! Paint this man grey like a boulder and tell him to shuffle two or three feet each day and before you know it he will be behind enemy lines in the Caliphate slurping the best piss flaps ISIS has to offer (probably looks something like Borat or Bubbles, that diddler MJ’s ape). If these cunts realised the way to get virgins is to be born an ugly albino that looks like a blonde Ronald McDonald on the North Shore and call yourself John John they would’ve put down the AK’s and explosives wiring handbooks a while ago.
Haha that’s why I said trees!!!! He is known as the “Iranian Hulk” so perfect as a boulder.
As a blonde clown looking mother fucker,I resemble that remark!
I knew that dude was the real deal in 2014 when he was packing those 2nd reef closeouts at pipe in round 2 when no one else wanted anything to do with the waves. I remember vividly watching him go on wave after wave with absolutely no chance of making it thinking that he was clearly insane. He has an extra level that most people only wish they had. I bet his ancestors fucked shit up in battles, no doubt. Fearless.
you are Lemmys slave thats why you delete your accounts
Hahahahaha. Speaking in third person and slavery float my boat! Down your knees!
Im fine with people deleting their comments, its accounts I’m talking about.
But thanks for the deep response… it’s going to make it far easier to moderate, knowing thats it’s just another lost moment in this mystical universe of ours.
Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.
So did he faceplant these “bricks” that turps is endlessly mentioning?
Yeah. When I clicked on the article I was hoping to read about why his face looks like my dick but the question remains.
That’s all well and good, but if you and I quote from above…
“I stand by my opinions and the things I say” Don’t you think that rings a little hollow, if you’re killing off all of your own comments?
then retrospectively saying you didn’t say this or that… yet no one can tell {bar me, thru the deleted comments on the mod panel} as you deleted all your comments the moment you {yet again} killed your old account.
You talk of censorship but you are censoring us from your opinions.
As for me, I sleep easy at night. Whether I’m right or wrong, thats not up to me to decide. I have no problem with how I moderate this site. If others do, Oh well.
Forget about being tuff cuz Julian Wilson is one of the nicest human beings on planet Earth.
Random obseevation: on the most recent morning show, they played the top 5 or so waves of the comp so far; in a side by side comparison, JJF’s cutback was a 10 and Julian’s was like a 8 or so. Julian’s was amazing but JJF’s cutback was on another level. Some people wonder why other surfers say jjf is the (or one of the) best surfer in the world; the cutback comparison is an example of one of the reasons jjf is considered the best surfer, i.e., Julian, a master of technique, does a cutback that looks old school compared to JJF’s cutback. Love watching both of them and they are both class acts.
Hey voice of no reason. Unless you can give me a good reason as to why you keep on deleting your accounts and starting a new ones I’m going to have to put you in the time out room. My take from your last deleted account is that you stir the pot, piss certain people off. You then realise you’ve said some pretty stupid things and have been acting like a teenager. Get embarrassed, then delete your account as a way of killing all your comments on the thread. Is that the case?, If so it’s not cool and very troll like behaviour.
Easy there, Nega-T. It IS possible for cool and troll to go hand in hand, goddammitt. That said, the unwritten rules of good trolling dictate that one does not delete their account, just because the waters become uncomfortable.
Trolling is an unappreciated art form! But deleting all your comments by killing your account and starting up fresh the next day is a total bitch move.
So true, on both counts! The honorable MO is to go out with both guns blazing (ala Cavvy), get yerself band, and THEN set up a new account.
Or cry about it on another website until they let you back 🙂 Thanks BeachGrit.
NEGA! He just made one of the best comments I’ve read in awhile and you threaten execution?
It was really just an outbreak of shingles, not a scratched up face… poor form, Chas.
If that’s true he’s even tougher than I thought! I hear shingles are the worst!
had them last year on my ribs. seriously fucking painful, couldnt breathe, cough sneeze, wear clothes, sleep without constant pain. one of the catalyst’s to a now ended relationship
Or even worse, possibly an STD? Not that anyone in this hallowed comment section would ever stoop so low as to resort to rumormongering.
Go big or Go Bieber!!
Says the man who takes horse cock in his arse effortlessly.
What a finesse!
SPEAK ENGLISH MATE THIS IS AUSTRAYA!
Invoking the ghost of Channie…
I thought Graham Stapelberg’s bodyguard was the toughest man in surfing?
Chas dons his ‘hero worship’ hat again. In this instance, it’s rather embarrassing. Also, he misspelled “hobbyist”. Facepalm.jpg
I don’t have any hobbies so I don’t know how it is spelled….oh unless you count kicking ass as a hobby.
Ha! At the very least, it seems apparent that you read a lot. Use those skills, son.
It’s actually a little mortifying to be caught in disastrously ESL errors but I hope everyone appreciates that we never fix and just stand in front of the class red-faced.
Bravo to maintaining the core surf value of questionable literacy! Guys who can spell and use apostrophes are rightfully laughed off the beach, truly the intellectual softtops of our tribe.
Also, such errors/omissions are essential for credibility with millennials.