Involving booze, fins, leashes, drowning and non-edible wax…
Got my shit done late today. Went for a surf, ate shit onto the deck of my board like a goon. Thought I broke a few ribs. Headed to urgent care to get checked out. Three hours of waiting room hell. Not their fault, place was jammed. Pretty good service, really. All things considered.
One family full of screaming kids. Not angry, crying. Screams of laughter. The absolute worst. Running laps around the adults, singing, having a great time.
People will take a crying child outside. But not a happy one. Because I’m supposed to love the joy of children? I definitely do not. Better seen and not heard.
People will take a crying child outside. But not a happy one. Because I’m supposed to love the joy of children? I definitely do not. Better seen and not heard.
Best never seen at all.
Got my x-rays, nothing broken. Just bad bruising. Sweet! Looking forward to my upcoming Nica trip, don’t wanna deal with an injury while I’m there. Doc says I probably bruised my spleen too. Which I guess isn’t a big deal, unless it turns into internal bleeding. Which I assume it will not. But I’ve got a week of the wife watching me like a hawk in store.
I also got a small bottle of percocet. Which is a silver lining, for sure. Perks to being injury prone. Kinda. Only because I can handle my shit.
Derek says to surprise you all and write about some surf knowledge. That which I have. Which is a bit, I’ve been playing in the ocean for a longish time. But I don’t know if I can drop any true knowledge bombs. We’re not the Inertia, I don’t know if many of our readers have less than a year under their belt. Fairly certain I can’t hand out anything that isn’t straight “yeah, duh!” stuff.
So maybe I’ll just share some surf knowledge it took me far too long to learn.
Cut your leash rope short: No one ever told me your leash rope can pull through the rail of your board if it’s too long. Found that out in my late twenties. After it happened on a small day at Log Cabins.
You can’t drown from a hold-down: Not if you’re a normal human. Toss your hat into the lunatic ring, try paddling into a skyscraper. Then maybe. But stay calm and just deal with the carbon dioxide build up and you’ll be fine. Learn who long you can hold your breath with just a little practice and you’ll be laughing at life.
I do enjoy Wassel’s take on apnea. “I can hold my breath for one minute.”
Because it only matters if you’re being flogged halfway to death. Five minutes in a pool ain’t shit.
(By the way, listen to the podcast if you haven’t. It’s good shit. Recording episode two tomorrow.)
Alcohol is terrible for your surfing: I wish it weren’t true. Could crawl in a bottle every day without my body slowing turning into mush. But the facts be the facts. With every day that passes my body bounces back with a bit less vigor. Just can’t go big one day and expect to surf worth a damn for the next couple.
Fins don’t make that big of a difference: A good set (Techflex Merricks!) is heaven. But you don’t need a fin quiver. That shit’s just marketing.
Marketing that got me to buy way too many slivers of glass that gather dust before I came to my senses.
I could be wrong, though. Maybe constant swapping would invigorate my jams!
I would happily admit so, publicly, were Futures to kick a few bucks our way. Wouldn’t do it for FCStitch. As far as I’m concerned one set’s too many. Especially with the shenanigans they’re trying to pull these days. Which I don’t know if I’m allowed to talk about. Innocents caught in the crossfire.
You shouldn’t eat Bubblegum surf wax: I probably ate a few bars worth as a kid. Someone older told me you could and I didn’t even question it.
so right about the booze. 2 days later, still a hack.
Yeah, unfortunately not my first rodeo with them. Not much you can do, just wait it out.
Too bad it didn’t happen in Florida, your silver lining would be 110 more percs. Can’t smoke a fuckin’ joint but here how bout some water sauluable opiates. That won’t backfire.
i’m sorry but “killed Dane”? the fuck are you talking about? he still fucking shreds, just because he’s not dropping an edit every two weeks you all throw him to the curb.
duh. get fucking mini truck back out to Emma Wood and lets see some edits. maybe reincarnate Drive Through
Maybe better to break em as opposed to rib cartligae that just keeps keeping on!!!
My front left ribs healed crooked, for years it would bother me bc they converged to a point, which would press into my deck, so much so, that there was an impression in my board; the irritating thing was that it put pressure on my back ribs and slightly affected my breathing. After about 5 years the annoyingness went away, now I rarely notice it. Good luck healing!
been there as well. I still have a lump on my rib from where it healed and it’s a bitch on new boards until a proper spot has been worn in. Won’t ever forget the pain of that fucking “pop” every time I moved/laughed/sneezed.
I got slammed into some rocks on big island; ribs, shoulder, leg, and hip. My hip hurt the worst. I was like 24 or something, no insurance of course; didn’t go ER. Thought my ribs were just bruised. Better yet, I thought I could handle a few “at bats” with my childhood baseball team that moved onto to the “get drunk ass fuck, heckle, fight once in a while, and play softball” league. I took a swing and lost all my breath, couldn’t walk, almost passed out. Every time I think about growing up on big island, I wonder how I survived.
Currently suffering from 2 broken ribs. It’s a bitch.
Does Derrick grade your assignments? Love to see your mid term grades.
Did your dad beat you as a child, Rory?
Nope.
that’s the problem with today’s adults. Softy.
I laugh at the vision I have of you squirming in an ER surrounded by happiness. Especially children’s happiness.
So you’re telling me pumping beers before a surf, like Dane, won’t make me rip.
I dont need to chug a beer pre surf to not make me rip, but hey not i got an excuse!
The beers are fine, what’s killing Dane is the extra large pizzas and post-surf boxes of donuts in addition to the beers. At least that’s what I tell myself, as I eat healthy and drink like a fish.
But you’ll think you’re ripping and that’s all that really matters
Having a beer belly and being shitty at surfing is, like, the easiest thing to do.