To be completely honest, I didn’t read it when it went up,
though I skimmed, and I didn’t read the comments, though I should
have. It was one of the best feeds we’ve ever had with discussion
of circumcision, Baroque art and Evangeline Lilly. It is totally
worth going for a read.
In any case, in my skim I thought Mr. Fazio had written
something about wrapping a leash around a board being uncool. I
never do that except for when I ride my bike to the beach.
And today with Mr. Fazio’s advice in the back on my mind I got
lazy and did not wrap the leash tightly at all. Instead, I lazily
pitched it around the racks then took off.
I peddled lazily up the Pacific Coast Highway while cars whizzed
by. As I continue to be completely honest, I was white wine drunk.
Swerving a little. Not paying attention. Getting internally angry
at people who put Hawaiian island stickers on their motor scooters.
Etc.
Next thing I know, a man is screaming at me from a Jeep with
probably a Hawaiian island sticker on its bumper. He’s screaming,
“Your leash!”
I look back and he’s right! My leash is dragging far behind
almost getting clipped by cars, almost snagging on guard rails.
Etc. I swerved when I looked, a lot, and a car almost hit me.
I almost died because one of our fucking things.
Now I know how WSL CEO Paul Speaker feels.
P.S. I just read it and Mr. Fazio never wrote anything about
wrapping a leash around a board. Where did that even come from?
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Does it feel to you, as it does to me, that this
four-pack has started to hit some beautiful notes? (From left) The
provocative Ron Blakey with the black wavy hair combed severely
back from the forehead. Strider Wasilewski, the fiery red, the
honest countenance of Ross Williams and Peter Mel, who might be
considered, in impolite company, as Ron Blakey's less attractive
twin. But where's Pottz? The only commentator to've won a world
title?
Has Martin Potter been disappeared like the
once-everywhere Chelsea Cannell?
The commentariat hit beautiful notes during
this year’s Jeffrey’s Bay contest. This is, I believe, an
opinion that is difficult, perhaps, impossible to argue
against.
Is it because he once surfed a J-Bay final (against a teenage
Joel Parkinson) that made him convulse with information? Or is
all that practice in the shower paying off?
“I’m absolutely in love with what I do,” says Ross. “It’s a
total privilege to be a retired pro surfer and, then, suddenly, be
gifted the chance to relay all the information I have logged in my
head. I love it. I love it.”
The big-wave champion Peter Mel, who let’s be frank is the
provocative Aaron’s Blakey’s less attractive twin, has become so
prolific with opinion, sound bites of board design and passing
quips, that the viewer looks forward to gazing at him dreamily.
Strider Wasilewski? Even if it looks as if some evil spell has
transformed his famous attack dog tits
into something that would make even a seasoned whore shudder,
his work is candid.
But where was Martin Potter, the former world champion
whose stern countenance harnesses entire events? Whose
elegnant, and non-specific accent, marks his refinement among a
group, who let’s be frank again, are marked by their very
provincial tones.
Was he sacked for his frankness? For his ability to cut
through the haze and deliver simple, yet cutting, commentary?
According to the WSL, Pottz is “still very much on the
A-team. Mr. Potter shall return for Tahiti. The team take some
events off to recharge and hang with family.”
The deal is, commentators take one or two events off per year,
which is arranged with the head of programming. Ms Cannell, says
the WSL, is “still part of the WSL Broadcast Team. She took some
time off of traveling to spend with the family, but has been
contributing to the studio side of things.”
Is the Little Plumber our most inspirational
figure? Will Hollywood laud his can-do spirit?
Last night I watched the film Eddie the
Eagle and tears in my eyes! Have you seen? It tells the
inspirational story of a ginger British man with Coke bottle
glasses who dreamed of going to the Olympics!
He tried and tried and tried many different pursuits, eventually
settling on ski jumping since the United Kingdom hadn’t fielded a
team in decades and he could qualify. The crusty British machinery
was against him, trying to thwart him at every turn, but his
Dunkirk spirit prevailed and he became a favorite of the 1988
Calgary Olympics even though ginger and British and Coke bottle
glasses and last place and poo stance.
Oh of course the filmmakers took certain liberties with the
storyline but I remember watching Eddie soar when I was a young
boy, watched him thumbs up the camera, watched him felt
exhilarated. Anything was possible!
Hollywood sure does love an inspirational sports story because
who doesn’t? The Blind Side and its homeless black teen
who becomes an NFL star thanks to a white family. Rudy and
its short little pudge who plays for football powerhouse Notre
Dame. Million Dollar Arm and Indians (from India) learning
to pitch in the major leagues (of baseball). Etc.
I started wondering who our surf inspirational story is besides
Bethany Hamilton and Jimbo Pellegrine? Who allows are imaginations
to really take flight? Part of the inspirational sports story is
its everyman quality. We can all be heroes!
Bethany and Jimbo are, no doubt, inspirational but not everymen.
Bethany appears to be the greatest surfer alive. Jimbo maybe
too.
Which brought me to Adriano de Souza. The unloved little
plumber from Brazil with a stance so wide architects building in
earthquake zones look to him for revelation. The boy who golden
child Kelly Slater loves to dump on. The tireless fighter that
never took “no” for an answer even when his sponsors fled to the
hills.
The everyman!
Is he our Eagle? Or Rudy? Should we love him more and will we
feel guilty for not loving him more when The Little Plumber Who
Could hits theaters in 2030?
I won’t feel guilty because I wrote this right here but you
will/should.
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The hydrofoil has become one of the most sophisticated
forms of gliding through the water. The feeling of lifting onto a
surface and riding in three dimensions unlocks new experiences and
sensations that one is unable to achieve on traditional boards.
Imagine the feeling of flying over the surface of the water with a
direct connection to the conditions below.
You like the way Lenny rides a wave to the death, flies off the
back of the wave with enough speed to catch the wave behind it?
Yeah, me too.
They’re savage looking things, though.
Imagine getting sliced by that aluminium blade, the razor edge
sawing through the neck like a medieval executioner for whom no
gold coin is offered.
Jamie Mitchell, the paddleboarder turned big-wave surfer, says he knows what’s
coming.
In Jamie’s opinion, someone’s going to get iced by one, and
real soon. In a pretty emotional post on Facebook, he writes:
“So lately I have been asked consistently about my thoughts
on the so called “NEW” foil popularity and haven’t really said much
but, yesterday, sadly, I saw a photo that I knew was coming
sooner then later.
Foils are for open ocean swells, outer bombies and places
where there are no people or very few people doing it together.
Foils are dangerous. Very dangerous. And do not belong in the surf
zone with the masses and general public.
Yes, Kai and and a few talented kids can probably control
the boards amazingly well, but you can’t control other peoples
actions and movements. I see more and more clips everyday of people
trying the foils and I am so scared that someone will pay the
ultimate price and die.
Look at this photo below. If a foil hits you or you hit
someone with the foil it’s going to end badly. I sure hope the
people and companies that are making money off these are doing
their best to educate people about the dangers. I don’t think this
will be the first or last incident unfortunately.
I’m very happy that the gentleman in this photo will be ok.
Please think about your surroundings before you just jump in and
start surfing those boards.”
The surfer in the photo is Yu
Tonbi Sumitomo, a bit of a figure in Japanese surfing. No kook.
Which, says Jamie, is his point.
“He is an experienced waterman that was doing it in the
right way, in the right place and look what happened. Imagine
someone who isn’t experienced or even if they are that are in a
crowded spot! To me that’s a recipe for disaster!”
Look at this guy, says Jamie Mitchell: “He is an
experienced waterman that was doing it in the right way, in the
right place and look what happened. Imagine someone who isn’t
experienced or even if they are that are in a crowded spot! To me
that’s a recipe for disaster!”
In response to Jamie’s post, Yu writes:
“Hi Jamie Mitchell san. This was my bad. Waves are waist to
chest. No one around except me and my father. Had struggle first 30
min. Then I start figure. Had such fun time. Then see what you see
what happen. I been surfing since I was 8. 36 year experience. Your
friend Sean O. is my best friend we made SUP 11 year ago. I thought
foiling is easy. It is easy but easy to turn very dangerous. What I
learn from this is have to be careful. Surfing. Or sup. Or foiling.
Thank you for the comment and hope no one get’s hurt like I did.
Sure foiling is amazing.”
I gotta say, the sell for ’em is compelling. As this surf shop
on Maui writes:
The hydrofoil has become one of the most sophisticated forms
of gliding through the water. The feeling of lifting onto a surface
and riding in three dimensions unlocks new experiences and
sensations that one is unable to achieve on traditional boards.
Imagine the feeling of flying over the surface of the water with a
direct connection to the conditions below. Experience a drastic
reduction in drag and complete silence as you lift your board off
the water and fly. It’s as if kitesurfing meets deep powder
snowboarding.”
I am a terrible cynic. If some human
achievement hews too closely to a perfect storyline then I
automatically discount it. Take Kobe Bryant’s final game in the
NBA. He scored 60 points and I thought, “Yeah right. Totally”
(using my sarcastic internal voice). Or Mick Fanning’s J-Bay
victory. I thought, “Mmmhmm rad” (using the same sarcastic internal
voice but with a touch more condescension).
It just seems too… too… perfect.
In any case, Rory Parker wrote so well about the final day that
I don’t need to go retread that ground but I did read a very
interesting nugget this morning in the Sydney Morning Herald that
is worth discussing. The win puts Mick 5th in the world. Matt
Wilkinson is still 1st meaning, really, Mick is 4th in the world.
The three ahead of him, John John, Gab and ADS, are formidable but
I certainly feel the title would be Mick’s for the taking. Don’t
you?
But this morning I read this:
“I’ve already said I’ll go to Trestles (California) and that
will be my last event of the year,” he said.
“World titles aren’t the biggest thing for me any
more.”
Which is sort of a shocker, no? Or at least a shocker to admit.
It seems like Mick was a born competitor and that the ASP/WSL was
his heart’s true home. Where he would grow old and be chaired into
retirement.
But if world titles aren’t the biggest thing anymore what is?
Has he had a full enlightenment? Will next year find him in an
Indian ashram? Helping the poor in Newark, New Jersey? Running for
political office?
Also, what does Kelly think when he reads this quote? Does he
think, “Yeah. Awesome since you were never going to catch me anyhow
#elevensies.” (using his incredulous internal voice) or does he
think, “What? What? What have you discovered out there?” (using his
panicked one)
