I've just realized what evil lurks herein.
The other day we republished a Robert Fazio piece (5 things you need to stop doing (now)!) that made people (rightfully) livid!
To be completely honest, I didn’t read it when it went up, though I skimmed, and I didn’t read the comments, though I should have. It was one of the best feeds we’ve ever had with discussion of circumcision, Baroque art and Evangeline Lilly. It is totally worth going for a read.
In any case, in my skim I thought Mr. Fazio had written something about wrapping a leash around a board being uncool. I never do that except for when I ride my bike to the beach.
And today with Mr. Fazio’s advice in the back on my mind I got lazy and did not wrap the leash tightly at all. Instead, I lazily pitched it around the racks then took off.
I peddled lazily up the Pacific Coast Highway while cars whizzed by. As I continue to be completely honest, I was white wine drunk. Swerving a little. Not paying attention. Getting internally angry at people who put Hawaiian island stickers on their motor scooters. Etc.
Next thing I know, a man is screaming at me from a Jeep with probably a Hawaiian island sticker on its bumper. He’s screaming, “Your leash!”
I look back and he’s right! My leash is dragging far behind almost getting clipped by cars, almost snagging on guard rails. Etc. I swerved when I looked, a lot, and a car almost hit me.
I almost died because one of our fucking things.
Now I know how WSL CEO Paul Speaker feels.
P.S. I just read it and Mr. Fazio never wrote anything about wrapping a leash around a board. Where did that even come from?
No but seriously, you don’t wrap your leash around your fins. It heats up in the sun and deforms it – thus making it useless for any purpose other than getting tangled around your ankles.
With sauce!
chas the ultimate fashionista to ever touch a surfboard
first of all, why are you wearing a shirt if you’re biking to go surf? Second, why in the hell are you wearing some lame pink polo button down…TO GO SURF!!???!?
I wear that pink button up in the surf! It was once perfect but accidentally got dried and shrunk a little too much and now it is my no sunburn surf shirt. I hate sunscreen!
you surf in a pink button down shirt. this makes me smile.
do you unbutton in the surf mimicking dion agius?
or all the way up like Strider?
Lemmy, I know you are an Immortal Rock and Roll God and had a tendency to shun shirts onstage and off, but there are very few instances a mere mortal (even Chas!) should go shirtless.
to think i almost had chas’ blood all over my hands. would i have been lauded as a hero, or forced to carry on his torch in tribute a la tim allen’s santa claus? We may never know. However, I have learned the value of explicitly mentioning when I’m being sarcastic, and will do such from this point forward.
I was riding down the road by the dump on oahu towards lani’s on a scooter with no rack, Leash wrapped around me like a briefcase, when the wind caught the board and turned in in to a semi floating noose to ad insult to injury it started raining, my contact lenses started floating around,hit the breaks almost got rear ended by a moke in an SUV that was laughing too hard. Ended up turning in to the mud and rolling out of it checked my fins the board was fine. But I’m now proud because i wouldn’t have died in shorts that gay.
oh dear, GAY shorts are the BEST! fuckin’ love me some GAY shorts!
do GAY shorts have sex with other shorts? is it … like GAY short sex?
Easy access for “Handy J’s”! From your boyfriend!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Oh that is beautiful. What a goer that bear is.. BG short sales will boom. I do fucking what to do lovely unwholesome things to you right now Turd Ferguson.
Was that English?
English infused with gin and a twist of lime.
Glad you survived, Chas.
I’m traveling this week and wouldn’t have been able to attend the funeral which would have been a major bummer.
A shit show like that is not to be missed.
If they are BG boardies Chas then this should be a clear example of why you should never personally endorse your own product ala KS.
I’ll have you know Mrs Neg’s thought I would have looked hot in my BG boardies if I was buff and 20…
how do people’s private parts not come spilling out of these short shorts? is it some kind of magic?
Possibly it came from that fact that you’re an idiot and a poser apparently overly preoccupied with what other people think. And you see now why they call it a kook cord don’t you?
blood feud! mik dora wannabe pretender (thereby a person most furthest removed from such) VS chas ‘tiny shorts’ smith
must be hard trying to fill a legends shoes
That paparazzi photo is glorious, Chas!
Yeah, I don’t buy it, those kids aren’t even searching for a squirtle at Chesterfield. And a leash on a fish at 2 ft Cardiff? Fck, that’s got Inertia written all over it.
I agree and hate the leash! It was left on though to pull young daughter around the sewage that flows out to Cardiff reef…
undershirt?
I didn’t read the Robert Fazio article or the comments. The only dago I’ll take advice from is Mark Occhilupo and that advice would be strictly limited to surfing. Wogs and surfing go together as well as Captain Francesco Schettino and the Costa Concordia. They are slimy cowards. Never fuck up my pizza order again.
Your supposed to wrap it around your neck when biking.