Finally a wonderful and workable idea!
I am not a horse track man, generally. It ain’t that I don’t like the pomp and circumstance, that I don’t like to throw away money, that I don’t like livin on a prayer. It’s just… just… I don’t know. Maybe I should be a horse track man.
Only four-ish days ago I went and sat in the turf club, suited, drinking mojitos, winning some. I can’t bet anything other that for the win because I believe betting for the place or the show is spineless. I only care for winners.
Also, I have no idea how to box or pick exactas or trifectas or etc. because I am not bright.
Do you know what I know, though?
Professional surfing!
And I had the most wonderful thought while I sat in the turf club, suited, drinking mojitos. What if professional surfing treated itself exactly like horse racing?
What if the bettors could go, before a heat, and look at the surfers standing on sand. Really study their physiques etc. Does Jordy have a little bigger beer belly than yesterday? Does Filipe Toledo have a touch of cowardice in his eye? Kelly. Does Kelly appear motivated or confused?
What if a horn announced the surfers going into the water? A crisp, clear bugle call? And off they paddle! Six at a time, though, not two because we need to box and pick exactas and trifectas etc.
What if there were claiming heats wherein the winning bettor could purchase a surfer for $20,000 or so dollars? Would you claim Brett Simpson? He is very handsome and a wise choice but what would you have him do? Could he sleep inside or would you keep him in the garage with your bicycles?
What if the World Surf League launched a closed circuit TVG style thing wherein people around the globe could sit in smokey rooms and bet the same as those sitting on the beach?
What if when a surfer got hurt, maybe a knee pop or a dislocated shoulder, a vet would attend to him and if the injury was very severe would set up a tent around the surfer’s body and euthanize him or her on the spot?
What if surfers had to wear silks instead of wetsuits and their weights posted in the Surfing Forum alongside their stance and record?
Oh I think this may be the best idea I’ve ever had and could lead directly into the glorious future WSL CEO Paul Speaker prophesied a year and a half ago when he looked at the newsman and said, “For sure. Surfing will be bigger than footall. Duh.”
Jumps. Surfing should have jumps.
I see that philipehead screwdriver guy jumpin’ all over them there waves with his little red leotard. Little bastard done made me dizzy.
Surfing’s already bigger than fucken football.
Why do you think their so mad about pro surfing in AU? ‘Cause you can plunk down on it. Anyone with a background in the NFL already knows this, fantasy is fun but wagering will get people to watch even the shittiest match-ups or conditions.
Shoot, i might even watch the US open if I could bet it.
Professional surfing is already like horse racing. Here’s why:
1.) Rich bastards own professional surfers because without their money and support, that professional surfer is only good for glue;
2.) Professional surfers sleep standing up;
3.) If results are bad, or injury is bad enough, professional surfers ARE euthanized, its called the WQS;
4.) If you dominate, you get to screw the finest looking fillies;
5.) Everyone has a trainer following close behind like the professional surfer needs an assistant to hold his dick when he takes a piss;
6.) Professional surfers have nicknames that are just as creative as a horse’s name;
7.) They don’t surf contests in Spain nor Portugal because they eat horses for dinner;
8.) The sought after prize is the Triple Crown.
I want to see coaches sabotaging boards in the locker rooms, Medina getting a ban for doping, insight before the heats like a minute version of ‘Twelve’ and commentary that calls out shit surfing. Then “For sure. Surfing will be bigger than football.” maybe.