Steph Gilmore? Anastasia Ashley? Wrong! Come meet Palmer from Queensland!
Oh there is no doubt you’ve seen the video of Kelly Slater Golden Ticket winners by now. Maybe on Surfline. Your beloved BeachGrit does a great job of breaking painful and/or funny rumor but we are slow, usually, to the sensitive dance.
Here I am now though! Late but dabbing my eyes with a hanky!
And just look at Rob and Palmer. Two average men growing up in the heartland. One dreams of being a football star. The other is debutante backseat of Jacky’s car (what does that even mean?). And there they were going about their days. Suckin’ on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freeze. Maybe sittin’ on someone’s lap, hand between knees.
But then there is a knock at the door and a lady with a voice as dumb as finless surfing is pushing an iPhone right directly up their noses. Like, at the worst angle possible, asking questions before telling them that they are the lucky winners! They get to crouch in a never chocolate barrel!
Rob lives very near me. I may in fact know him, or have at least seen him in the water, but certainly won’t be bugging for a chance to join. My ex-wife lived very near Lemoore and if I never have to smell those stinky cows again I’ll be better for it.
But if Palmer asked me I would scream YES while giving him the biggest hug ever! Cow stink and ex-wife we damned!
Have you ever seen a more touching reaction to good fortune? The way those teddy bear eyes sparkle before he wipes the tears of happy away. The way his smile is so big and so filled with pure emotion. The way his whole face radiates and I just want to scoop him into my arms and whisper in his ear, “Rabbi Kushner was right, bad things do happen to good people. But sometimes, some crazy times, good things happen too my sweet baby boy.”
When was the last time you wept from joy, you crusty hard-hearted bastard?
Well, that is probably why you didn’t win the Golden Ticket.