The (ex) world's greatest surfer is also the world's greatest (worst) loser!
Kelly Slater is the funniest ever. He’s the best ever, of course, but also the funniest. Who could forget last year when Adriano de Souza won a hard-earned national championship and Kelly pulled his rug out hours later by releasing footage of his inland barrel?
Or a handful of hours ago when John John Florence, the world’s favorite surfer, won and Kelly Slater took to Instagram directly with a photo of him and Jordy Smith and the words:
Good fight for the title, Jordz. Great surfing all year. Nobody combines all technical and power surfing elements better. #BestVideoParts on earth, IMO.
All technical and power surfing combination? Wouldn’t that basically define John John? Kelly twists the knife a little too by shitting on John John’s Blake Vincent Kueny masterpiece View From a Blue Moon.
Kelly’s spontaneous passive-aggression could maybe be seen as poor form but I love it! His heart can only stand being champion and the aggression seeps out, passively, when he is not. There ain’t no grace in his losing but therein lies the delicate truth. “Show me a good loser…” as they say “…and I’ll show you a loser.”
Here’s to our Ke11y! The best there ever was!
(Until John John wins a few more)
Remember when Kelly got lost on the North Shore? And turned up at Andy’s house, while they were in a title race? Thought someone else lived there. Right…
Yes!
Comfort on big boards is huge. Might as well go full Mason Ho and get on some foam, he’s not going to look or surf any better on a 6’2 than his average beachie gear.
Na I’ve met him and I’m 5’9 – he’s spot on same height. Looks shorter cos his arms are long as fuck. and Jordy is a giant
not afraid just really shit at surfing them.
And can we all stop pretending Jordy ever had a chance at winning this world title! C’mon for him to win he probs had to win pipe and John get knocked in round one… never going to happen. EVER.
Yeah nice on Chas.
Kelly is the GOAT but no doubt in my mind he would be a cunt of a bloke.
I agree with him about View from a Blue Moon,what a piece of crap.
Ever since he got destroyed at chopes… Yes
Good point. What are the odds that Filipe can win a world title if he finishes 13th at most of the heavy waves and can QF or better all the other venues in the air?
Maybe but have to be a win or two – by my calcs QF or better with 4 x 1750 be about 48000 – possibly not enough??? I averaged out few 1-3 finishes at 7000 points. I’m no mathematician though
Trouble: he will have to learn how to scare the opposition. Right now they love his small wave surfing, but they aren’t afraid of what he might bring on any given day. Heats are lost far more often than they’re won, and they are usually lost because the opposition is nudged into error; uncertainty about the guy on a roll adds to the chances of that.
hahahha
Wow, thanks for clearing that up Negatron! And thank you Kelly Slater for speaking the truth…. That movie did suck (as made even more clear by how amazing his new web series “Twelve” is).
Its going to be great watching jordy get dominated in his first heat at pipe by a wildcard. Then dominated again in his round 2 heat, by another wildcard. Then JF is going to dominate the entire field. And robo is going to win the triple crown, with olamana eleogram right on his heals. Both of them may make it to the big leagues. That would be the balls. Oh, and KS is crazy as fuck. Definitely a height thing.
I’ll wager you donkey laird, that Jordy will charge as hard as he did in Portugal, who knows he might actually win the thing.
I will absolutely wager that jordy will not make it past round 2. New stick perhaps?? $750-1000???
We’ve got Anderson Cooper and Bill O’Reilly corroborating our data and sources. Julian Assange is also sending something over later today.
My disparate data trails will send those two clowns down a rabbit hole from which they will never emerge. Meanwhile Assange has been taken offline by William and his wife if I am not mistaken…
Jordy has the best fivehead on tour.
I don’t know but he sure does find a way to avoid Hawaii.
But Jordy has hair so it’s sort of like apples and oranges.
I’m 5’7 and 3/16ths.
This is true. Not a click over 5’7″.
“Hey guys, I know Kelly!” – subtextual Mariano Landa.
I’m a literal-minded reader and writer, AIP. How dare you discern underlying meaning from my words.
And I’d never keep company with anyone who believes in Chem Trails and fails to understand the concept of water vapor.
Alternatively, it was just Kelly being nice by trying to cheer up a sooky bubba cry-baby Jordy. I noticed that he was among the first to congratulate JJF after his win. And let’s face it he’s right. Even though Jordy seems like a world-class douche, style-wise he crushes JJF.
Never change, Kelly.