Do you remember when John John was photographed by the
great Bruce Weber for Vogue Italia earlier this year? A sweet
to-and-fro with the voluptuous soon-to-be champ. | Photo: Vogue
Italia
Warshaw: “John John the blankest
slate!”
By Derek Rielly
Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good
about a John Florence world title…
When John John won the world title in Portugal
yesterday, was your immediate thought, what does Matt
Warshaw think? Oh, mine too!
Afterall, the New Yorker did describe Warshaw in
their October 3 issue as “the world’s leading surfing scholar, the
Linnaeus of the lineup.”
Therefore, what is the significance of a John John world title?
Was it inevitable? And how does it stack among the other forty
world titles? This exchange just took place between Bondi,
Australia, and Seattle, Washington.
BeachGrit: When did Flo first swing onto your
radar?
Warshaw: He had a bit in Dana Brown’s excellent movie
Step Into Liquid, which was I
think 2003. Then some other vid parts when Jon was just a tiny
blond novelty, and all the filmmakers wanted to jump his mom.
You kind of had to maneuver yourself to a place where you could
cheer Adriano’s achievement. All the hard work, and all the
tactical precision. At some level it felt great. Victory for the
Everyman. But I think it just rests easier, and seems more natural,
when the title-holder is also one of the consensus best surfers in
the world. Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good about a
John Florence world title.
Did you believe the hype?
No. No point in really taking interest til the kid makes it through
puberty. That shit is a talent killer. I remember a couple really
hot seventh grade surfers who went back to the middle of the pack
in high school. So many ways to lose the gift. Never, ever, back a
10-year-old.
Did you really think this little kid could…succeed? Did
you believe there were the elements of destruction all around
him? That he would be led into some kind of
destruction?
John Florence, to me, is the blankest of all slates. I don’t say
that to be cruel. But it’s like the way people talk about Ronald
Reagan, where you try and look inside him and just get… nothing. I
do get the sense that he was raised right, and is incredibly
well-adjusted given the level of fame and adulation he’s been
dealing with since, whatever it is, fourth grade. But there is
something about him that just seems simple. Not simple-minded, but
just uncomplicated and edge-free. There is nothing in him that
would snag on an addiction, and nothing that would snag on politics
or film or whatever. He is the purest of surfers.
What does Flo have that, say, his brothers, raised in
identical circumstances, don’t?
Kelly Slater-level fast-twitch muscles, and a static-free mind.
How will history record Flo’s world title as opposed to,
say, Adriano?
You kind of had to maneuver yourself to a place where you could
cheer Adriano’s achievement. All the hard work, and all the
tactical precision. At some level it felt great. Victory for the
Everyman. But I think it just rests easier, and seems more natural,
when the title-holder is also one of the consensus best surfers in
the world. Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good about a
John Florence world title.
Compared to Joel and Mick?
Joel and Mick occupy that middle ground between Adriano and
John.
Immediately after Flo’s win, Kelly Slater posted on Instagram a photo of he and Jordy. He
wrote: “Great fight for the title, Jordz. Great surfing all year.
Nobody combines all technical and power surfing elements better
#bestvideoparts on earth, IMO.”
Does this strike you as an odd thing to do, in the fever
of Flo’s world title saying another surfer makes better video parts
and combines technique and power better? How do you imagine Kelly
is feeling?
Less creative than the Gene Wilder Photoshop
episode, and not as mean as dropping the wavepool on
Adriano’s world title, but still, yeah, add that your listicle of
weird Slater media moves for 2016. Looking forward to a Taylor
Swift mic grab at the Grammys in 2017. Oh, and now that John’s the
Champ, maybe he’ll get to date Taylor Swift for real!
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Pro surfing: This year was dull junk!*
By Chas Smith
*Compared to what next year will bring!
And hoooooooo-eee! We’ve got a champion! Not
the one we deserve either but… but… a gift from heaven! Grace
dripping down to us from the gods! The world’s best surfer doing it
in the world’s okayest waves!
Hoooooooo-eee!
I’ll admit that I had massive doubts re. John John Florence’s
competitive fire. Oh his skill is beyond any sort of questioning
but his fire. His caliber. I’ll admit I had massive doubts.
But he has proven himself and now and is a champion! Young too
with how many more in the barrel? Four? Six? Twelve?
Zero if Gabriel Medina has anything to say about it and this is
what excites me so. Gabi proved his fire years ago and reminds us
of it each and every tear that runs down his still fresh
cheeks.
So now we have a true rivalry! John John Florence vs. Gabriel
Medina! Continent vs. continent! Blonde vs. brownish-black! Hurley
vs. Rip Curl! Talent vs. talent!
Could anything be more delicious? Next year will be the greatest
since Andy vs. Kelly! Gird your loins…or to quote the wonderful
World Surf League “You Can Script This!™”
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Do outlandish predictions ever come true? Yeah, they
do. Ever since he was ten, the boldly named John John Florence was
marked as a world champion. This morning, in the Portuguese fishing
city of Peniche, the barely 24-year-old John John became the world
number one. | Photo: @thesurfinghobo
Portugal: John John Wins World Title!
By Derek Rielly
It's true! The barely 24-year-old John John
Florence swipes crown! And contest!
Do dreams come true? Well, yes, sometimes they
do. In front of some fisherman and peasants on a Portuguese
beach, with mom Alex in Hawaii,
daddy who knows where, the barely
twenty-four-year-old John John Florence won the WSL world title
with an event to spare.
It’s long way from the North Shore, this Portuguese
fishing city, Peniche, the morning sun soaking the beach in a
flat, subtly modulated red light. But, there, John John, swiping
off the aggression and urgency of his semi-final opponent, Kolohe
Andino, with stately measure.
In another semi-final, Conner Coffin used tube skills and what
the commentator Ross Williams beautifully described as a “Gene Hackman“ to slay the
almost-thirty-year-old South African, Jordy Smith, the only hurdle
between John John and the title.
Oh, there was quite the back and forthing. Until, with five
minutes left, Conner swooped on a six-footer, stood through its
length, came out with arms behind back, and going into a second
closeout tube, threw a shaka. Unanimous nines from the five
judges.
On the beach, John John’s shaper Jon Pyzel whooped at Conner’s
tubes, at Conner’s Gene’s.
“Conner is the best surfer in the world!” hooted John John.
There is something of a physical ecstasy in John John
Florence winning a world title.
Did you feel the same when Adriano De Souza won the title last
year?
John John Florence, best surfer in the world. World
champion.
It’s got a nice ring, don’t it.
And the final? John whipped airs and oops to win in the most
dazzling manner you can imagine.
The soul, some Arabs believe, can only travel at the pace of
trotting camel.
They’ve never seen John John Florence surf.
FLORENCE 2016 WSL CT RESULTS
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast: 5th
Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach: 13th
Drug Aware Margaret River Pro: 13th
Oi Rio Pro: WINNER
Fiji Pro: 5th
J-Bay Open: 2nd
Billabong Pro Tahiti: 2nd
Hurley Pro at Trestles: 13th
Quiksilver Pro France: 3rd
Meo Rip Curl Pro Portugal: WINNER
Billabong Pipe Masters: TBD
MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal Final Results:
1 – John John Florence (HAW) 16.67
2 – Conner Coffin (USA) 9.93
MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal Semifinal
Results:
SF 1: John John Florence (HAW) 13.84 def. Kolohe Andino (USA)
8.47
SF 2: Conner Coffin (USA) 15.00 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.37
WSL Jeep Leaderboard Top 5 (after MEO Rip Curl Pro
Portugal):
John John Florence (HAW) 56,400 pts
Gabriel Medina (BRA) 45,450 pts
Jordy Smith (ZAF) 41,700 pts
Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 38,250 pts
Kolohe Andino (USA) 38,150
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Edward Ryon Makuahanai Aikau, the lifeguard and surfer,
who was famously lost at sea in 1978.
Rumor: Quiksilver to pull out of The
Eddie?
By Derek Rielly
Is the newly solvent clothing giant on the verge of
pulling out of the famous big-wave event?
Do you remember the rumor, just two months ago,
that Red Bull was flying back and forth to Oahu to court the famous
Aikau family? That it was pushing to win the broadcast rights for
the event from the WSL?
Red Bull didn’t want naming rights, necessarily, although
cans of the company’s popular stimulant soda would, naturally, be
suddenly apparent in broadcasts, but wanted to turn The
Eddie into “a proper show.” Like this year’s Cape Fear
event.
As to that rumour, it appears that after meeting the Aikau
family Red Bull decided to quit chasing the broadcast
rights.
Now, the coconut wireless is “humming” according to a very good
source with the rumor that Quiksilver could not reach an
agreement with the Aikau family to hold the annual namesake event.
A big merchandise deadline was supposedly missed (t-shirt
production from China) as well as subsequent extensions.
Has Quiksilver, perhaps wisely, decided that the chances of The
Eddie ever being as good as 2016 are so slim any subsequent money
poured into it would be wasted?
Would you, if gifted the keys to the clothing giant that was
once famously six hundred million dollars in debt, continue to run
with The Eddie?
Or would you pour the surplus money into your number one team
rider Matt Banting?
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Jordy Smith: “I’m a Fancy Ballerina!”
By Rory Parker
A ten, a world title wrestle and a menopausal
lesbian commentator at the Rip Curl Pro Portugal!
Back to Supertubos! Day five of competition.
Starting with the remains of round five.
Shit…never mind. I went to sleep at two am, after roughing out a
good portion of today’s write-up. Had a great joke all ready to go
for the intro. It was suuuuuuuper funny. You’d’ve loved it.
Then Chas had to go and steal the gag off my facebook page.
Lame.
Chas doesn’t even look like Ellen. He looks like that blonde
vulture from The Jungle Book.
Chas? That you?
Instead of bursting your sides with my hard-won hilarity, let’s
get down to brass tacks.
Very surprised to see they’d be running. It did not look good.
Logie’s decision to go heat by heat was ballsy. Definitely some
“diamonds in the rough” out there, but no one wants to watch hours
of closeouts.
But being able to find crazy barrels in shifting hell lineups is
a learned skill. Which makes the decision not-stupid. I won’t go so
far as to call it the right thing to do, but it’s an educated
gamble. Worse comes to worst there’d be some highlight reel wipe
outs, the occasional stellar awesomeness.
The first heat, Bourez and Wilson, proved Logie right. Michel
opened with a solid backhand tube, but from that point on it was
The Julian Wilson Show.
Wilson’s first wave was fucking sick. High line backdoor,
million miles an hour. Thought for sure he’d been knocked off his
feet by the crazy chandelier, but he threaded the needle and came
flying out the end for an 8.5.
He paddled back out, immediately butt dragged his way through a
good left. 5.83. Then found another fun tube, but not as good as
the first two.
A break in action, Bourez still only had one wave. Then Julian
found another unbelievable barrel.
Big and open double tube with a hideous clamping clamshell on
the end. I don’t know how the curly headed cutie managed to
bulldoze his way through the final section, but he did. And it was
amazing.
I thought it was better than his first wave, so did Ross
Williams. But the judges disagreed. Still a solid score, 7.83. More
than enough to make put Bourez in a 16.34 combo. Wilson had the
heat won with eighteen minutes left.
Heading into Flores v Coffin, it looked like shit. Terrible
heat. Neither guy could find anything, Conner ended up winning
based on the merits of a 2.83 and a 4.43. Too bad for Flores.
One highlight, though. Flores’s 2.67 keeper was really cool.
Hard off the bottom, hit the brakes as hard as he could with a
slashing snap-stall. Ended up on the foam ball, praying the lip
would throw out in front of him. It didn’t, so he didn’t get a good
score. But it was a great display of his high tier tube riding
ability.
If I were Logie I’d have called it off then and there. Too much
of a chance the rest of the day would drag. Then he’d have to hear
from all the internet armchair quarterbacks complaining on their
tabloid rag surf websites.
But he decided to roll the dice again.
StuKen/Seabass was a slight improvement over the prior heat.
Kennedy’s first wave was the best of the match up. Solid forehand
barrel, great cutback, snap. Hopped across the flat section, then
bonked a reo to seal the deal. Judges gave him a 5.83. I thought
they’d go higher, just abased on the fact that there aren’t many,
if any, opportunities to mix it up like that.
Stu backed it up with an open right, did two okay turns. Only a
2.6.
Seabass won it on the merits of two frontside tubes. Both were
good, deeper than Stu’s first. No turns, but the judges just want
barrels.
If I were judging Stu would have won. But rewatching I realize
they’re right. Seabass deserved the nod.
Flores is out, but Andino is still on fire. The kid from San
Clemente stomped ADS to death.
Late drop deep backside barrel for a 7.83, then an even deeper
and longer one roughly fifteen minutes later. Got a 9.67 for the
follow-up.
With three minutes left Adriano had one wave under his belt, a
worthless french fry 1.0. He caught a good frontside tube, whacked
it twice after coming out. But turns aren’t counting for much and
his next wave, last chance, was a quick in and out followed by a
fall on the reo. Buzzer sounded with ADS in combo.
John John/Julian was fire.
Double Jay started off with a frontside throater. Not super
deep, but big and open and grinding. 5.67.
In these conditions it’d be easy to call each guy’s win pure
luck, but Double John always manages to show how much skill is
involved. Proper positioning, the intuitive ability to know when to
go, even when it looks like sure failure. Takes a lifetime to
develop. John’s been chasing ugly bombs since birth. He ain’t just
guessing.
Julian’s first wave was better than John’s five six seven. Late
drop, barely squeaked under the lip. But he couldn’t quite slow
down enough. Only a 6.67.
Damn hard to beat Florence in a barrel-off. Next wave he came
from so deep, going so fast. Spat out right before it shut down.
Nine point three, heat winner for sure.
Julian followed with a long and deep double bubble, nothing
floater at the end. But it was only half the size of John John’s
monster. 6.9, not enough to take the lead.
Florence was right behind him with a bigger and better. Double
hand drag, multiple sections, a weird perpendicular
sliding-on-his-fins end section hit that I don’t know if he really
made. 7.5 reward.
Heat was over at nineteen minutes left. Only one more wave
caught, a 1.0 for Kolohe. Charged his way into a bomb, pull the
eject when it lined up.
John John continues his way to a title.
Pupo and Coffin up next. It wasn’t great.
Pupo finished up with a 5.94 total. Coffin got the only two good
waves of the heat. 5.83 for a good tube to frontside layback hack.
Then 6.83 on the next for another more gooder tuber.
Final heat of the day, Jordy and Seabass, might’ve been the
best. Toss up between it and JJF/JW.
Seabass’s first was steep and deep. Came flying out, heaved a
double grab boost over a heavy section. Landed on the roof, rode
out the rebound. 9.23. Backed it up with a smaller frontside cover,
4.23. Left Jordy combo’ed ten minutes in.
Should’ve been enough, based on the way conditions have playing
out. But Jordy spoiled it, delivered a soul crushing
come-from-behind.
Good judging this heat. I thought Seabass’s first wave was
underscored. Maybe because I’m old enough to remember when a barrel
to air combo was mind blowing. Kelly’s back in ’94 had me
screaming, but it weren’t shit by comparison.
Anyway, I was wrong. Jordy’s ten was miles beyond. The men
behind the scenes did good. Didn’t get over-excited and drop a
too-high score early on. Left room for the boys to improve. Jordy
came through.
I did not care for the claim. What are we gonna call that one?
“I’m a fancy ballerina.”
Ten minutes left and Seabass needed a low eight. Not impossible,
but it wasn’t meant to be. Jordy’s ten was the final wave of the
day.
Finals day should be exciting. Kolohe and Florence, Coffin and
Smith. The first one may be amazing. Then the rookie gets a chance
to play spoiler.
I’m two minds about what I want to happen. It’d be rad to see
John John win a title, but things are always so much more exciting
when it comes down to Pipe.
Meo Rip Curl Pro Portugal Round 5 Results:
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 9.90 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS)
7.57
Heat 2: Julian Wilson (AUS) 16.33 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 6.06
Heat 3: Conner Coffin (USA) 7.26 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 6.17
Heat 4: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.80 def. Stuart Kennedy (AUS)
8.43
Meo Rip Curl Pro Portugal Quarterfinal
Results:
QF 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) 17.34 def. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
8.10
QF 2: John John Florence (HAW) 16.90 def. Julian Wilson (AUS)
13.57
QF 3: Conner Coffin (USA) 12.66 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 5.94
QF 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 17.40 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 13.56
Meo Rip Curl Pro Portugal Semifinal
Match-Ups:
SF 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. John John Florence (HAW)
SF 2: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Jordy Smith (ZAF)
