Beaten by rollerblading (of course!) but trumps X-treme Unicycles and snakeboarding!
It’s a banner day in the BeachGrit world. After months of toil in my basement laboratory I’m finally ready to unveil a groundbreaking discovery in the world of action sports marketing.
Drawing upon the expertise of cutting edge mathemagicians, statisticians, instagram celebrities, and cultural czars I created a proprietary algorithm that assigns values to each sport’s respective enjoyability, culture, skill, danger, and spectator appeal, then uses science stuff to calculate a score I’ve decided to label “RadFactor™.”
Unfortunately, it keeps returning grizzle bear rodeo in the top spot. Which would be rad, if it actually existed. Because it does not I’ve decided to scrap the entire project and make up a list off the top of my head.
Behold my rankings, from most rad to depressingly lame. The results may shock you!
Skateboarding: No debate here. Skating’s been the best since the moment it shed itself of its aquatic forefathers and took to the streets.
Squirrel suit flying (or whatever it’s called): Coolest way to commit suicide ever invented.
Mountain bikes: Expensive as fuck, but there’s no radder way to obliterate both your collarbones than getting pitched over the handlebars after an ill considered cliff jump.
Bodyboarding: What surfing could be, if you took away the pretension and money.
BMX: Basically skateboarding where the ground is too fucked to roll.
Whitewater kayaking: I don’t know why this is here.
Rollerblading: The stand-up paddlers of the skateboard world.
Surfing: I’m, honestly, surprised it ranked this high.
Skim boarding: Skateboarding for people who want to surf but don’t know how to swim.
X-treme Unicycles: Mountain bikes for guys who hate their dicks.
Skiing: Why is this ranked higher than snowboarding? Because fuck snowboards.
Freestyle motocross: Wealthy desert trash with tattoos and meth habits.
Pogo-sticking: The Magic cards of X-treme sports.
Snakeboarding: Snowboarding for kids who can’t afford snowboarding.
Parkour: Only made the list because of the near infinite number of videos of stupid kids wrecking themselves.
Snowboarding: The golf of boardsports. Rich white kids whose parents are willing to piss away ridiculous amounts of money on lift tickets and dork-ass looking gear.
Wake surfing: Like real surfing, only the wave sucks and it requires a $60K boat that costs a million dollars an hour to run.
Wake boarding: Strapped in river garbage knee explosions.
Urban paddle boarding: Shameful.
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“Because fuck snowboards” Hilarious, but forgot to add that snowboards are the spongers of winter
Real talk, mulliez, real talk.
The pogo stick kid has to be Mormon, right?
The Parkour video was golden. You notice that not one of them was over 30. And I thought surfing was hard on my body!
Missing from your list: Freediving (great to do, boring as batshit to watch), also this shit: https://www.youtube.com/wat…
PS: It’d be sort of cool to be able to backflips on a pogo stick. Just sayin.
Also missing Shotgun Surfing
https://youtu.be/7f_19nxNfjs
Look how happy they all are!
Lunada bay!
So now we know what happend to sarge. Does he use a seat?
Is that a pogo stick, or a giant syringe full of flakka zombie drug? It’s early here, last night’s bit of a blur
If lodge grit is a thing I can’t wait for fruit boot grit and squirrel nutting grit to happen. Dont ever stop Rory!
Blood Feud – Rory versus infamous inertia writer Homobro or something like that!