Come almost watch Dane Reynold's new movie Chapter 11 here!
Dane Reynolds’ Chapter 11 has been, without a doubt, the film event of the year. Oh how the normally crusty surf fans spill praise and rightly so. Our antihero is still a vision! A force to be reckoned with! He shines with the power of a thousand Coors lightbulbs!
The only problem was that the film played exclusively on Stab and Monster Children for the first few days. Or, not a “problem” necessarily. Dane made his choice. He picked an outstretched hand and left all the other surf medias with tear streaked cheeks.
All by ourselves.
But last night an email shot into my inbox from Team Dane informing me that today around 8 PST the video would be made available to all! To everyone! To your BeachGrit and your Surfing and your Surfer and even that latently racist The Inertia. A link was provided at the bottom and we would all be invited to rub up on the Slacker King.
Sure we would all be his sloppy seconds but Stab already knows how that feels. Remember when SurfStitch chose Australia’s Surfing Life first but then settled for Australia’s Plagiarist Life? Maybe a little sting, initially, but I would imagine that $10,000,000 ring soon took away all the pain. Or most of the pain.
Like Stab I still felt joy (mostly)! Still bliss (overall)!
I woke early, at 7 PST, unable to sleep anymore and popped out of bed like Christmas morning, ran downstairs and opened my computer’s lid, pressed the link and…
…nothing.
Maybe they were holding off for a minute. Maybe Team Dane was preparing an extra special treat just for all the sloppy seconds. I made some coffee, paced the kitchen, looked out the window, clicked again and…
…nothing.
Maybe a technical problem on my end. I drank my coffee, washed a dish, felt my heart start to tighten, clicked again and…
…nothing.
I started to cry. Soft sobs at first that swelled into an uncontrollable river. I went into the bathroom, gazed into the mirror and sang:
When I could cry and sing no more I checked one more time and…
…bingo! Joy once again (chiefly)! Bliss forevermore (predominately)! Except……….
Still kind of out in the cold. “Sorry. Because of privacy settings, this video cannot be played here.” *
Hell Dane Reynolds. You are a hard woman to please.
She’s a hard woman to please
And I thought about letting her know
She’s a hard lady to leave
and I thought about letting her go
She’s a tough lady to leave
But, I thought about it
She’s a hard lady to please, yes she is
I gave her laughter, she wanted diamonds
I was romantic, she treated my cruelly
Where is the mercy, where is the love?
You see, passion has a funny way
Of burning down and running low
And suddenly it goes out
And you wonder where does it go.
* Just in! The video now plays here! We are seconds again! Alongside everyone else!
Just found out this whole crybaby rant of Dane’s here–was a lead up to his Advertisement for a new company he’s starting –‘Former’–at the end of the Vid.. Pretty sneaky. He got his feeling hurt at Quicksilver? Someone please tell this guy to stop whining and be happy with his 20mil.
Da Cat quote–“These few Wall Street Flesh Merchants (Quicksilver) seek to unify surfing–only to extract the wealth”. “The competitive part of it all is a whole different ballgame, a whole different camp from what I am involved in. I don’t want to think about it. It destroys the whole purpose of riding waves. I don’t like noises, I don’t like crowds, I don’t like bullhorns going off, and people giving me orders how to ride, how to do certain maneuvers.” —–Dane Reynolds is sounding more and more like Miki Dora almost everyday.
Dane walked away with about 20 million dollars from Quicksilver (while still in his twenties)–way, way more money than almost anybody will ever see in their life time. He’ll never have to work another day in his life unless he wants to–and now he’s “crying” sour grapes…..
You’re the best sloppy thirds though. Stab are milking the shit out of it for everything it’s worth. I guess click rates must be paying more than Hurley shorts on SurfStitch.
In other news, does anyone know if Negs is ok? I do worry so.
if i wanted to watch stagnant cookie-cutter turns-to-the-beach occasional-barrel-or-air shortboarding for thirty minutes i’d just rewatch a heat from the tour. dame raybans or whoever could’ve kept that shit on slash or wherever for good and i’d have never noticed
Anything with bad brains in it is alright with me.
I’m waiting for the North Shore drama updated. Where’s Rory?
I think what this boils down to is you need to be willing to drop the selfless, loyal family-man image you’ve worked so hard to build…..and post the occasional tit
Fuck that! I’m sick of Stab just showing one titty occasionally, have some balls and show some decent fully nude women. There has to be a ton of wardrobe malfunctions of women pro surfers on great waves with a nipple poking out that could be shown too. It’s time for Beach Grit to be better than Stab!
Maybe he is still sore about Rory Parker outing his contract details… But on a rare visit to stab I read that they (stab) were solely responsible for the brand name Destroyr not happening! Is this true and if so why does Dane hate you more?
True story. Morgan is a kook at “journalism” too if you haven’t noticed.
I think Stab’s great. And the Inertia too sometimes. This internecine squabbling is boring as shit, and I wish Chas would stop it. It’s demeaning.
Stab is nearly not shit, and sometimes – on very rare occasions – it’s not, but mostly it’s a hatefest of epically shit proportions. Now, as for the inertia, it requires anti diarrhoea medical treatment or a vacant toilet bowl each time I read the “thinking surfers” guide to eating avocado on a sup whilst doing yoga! It’s the long lost cure for constipation, a mother load of a bowel movement!
Stab is nearly not shit … The Inertia is beyond retarded
Yeah, I’d agree with that
If you’re on the search for meaning, The Inertia is your nexus
i found the movie boring id rather watch christian fletcher smoke gudang guaram and ride a scooter. just saying oh and doobie panic attacks too.
Australia’s Plagiarist Life in The Dark was pretty good this year, as was this. Face it, Dane hates you, Chozza…
… yeah, yeah, but Eddie loves (tolerates) you. Cool story.
Surfing World not Surfing Life, BTW.
Says who? Isn’t it the same thing?
Yeah. Nah.
You’re easily my sloppy 4th, Chas. Or 5th. Depends on the day and my mood.