Come almost watch Dane Reynold's new movie Chapter 11 here!
Dane Reynolds’ Chapter 11 has been, without a doubt, the film event of the year. Oh how the normally crusty surf fans spill praise and rightly so. Our antihero is still a vision! A force to be reckoned with! He shines with the power of a thousand Coors lightbulbs!
The only problem was that the film played exclusively on Stab and Monster Children for the first few days. Or, not a “problem” necessarily. Dane made his choice. He picked an outstretched hand and left all the other surf medias with tear streaked cheeks.
All by ourselves.
But last night an email shot into my inbox from Team Dane informing me that today around 8 PST the video would be made available to all! To everyone! To your BeachGrit and your Surfing and your Surfer and even that latently racist The Inertia. A link was provided at the bottom and we would all be invited to rub up on the Slacker King.
Sure we would all be his sloppy seconds but Stab already knows how that feels. Remember when SurfStitch chose Australia’s Surfing Life first but then settled for Australia’s Plagiarist Life? Maybe a little sting, initially, but I would imagine that $10,000,000 ring soon took away all the pain. Or most of the pain.
Like Stab I still felt joy (mostly)! Still bliss (overall)!
I woke early, at 7 PST, unable to sleep anymore and popped out of bed like Christmas morning, ran downstairs and opened my computer’s lid, pressed the link and…
Maybe they were holding off for a minute. Maybe Team Dane was preparing an extra special treat just for all the sloppy seconds. I made some coffee, paced the kitchen, looked out the window, clicked again and…
Maybe a technical problem on my end. I drank my coffee, washed a dish, felt my heart start to tighten, clicked again and…
I started to cry. Soft sobs at first that swelled into an uncontrollable river. I went into the bathroom, gazed into the mirror and sang:
When I could cry and sing no more I checked one more time and…
…bingo! Joy once again (chiefly)! Bliss forevermore (predominately)! Except……….
Still kind of out in the cold. “Sorry. Because of privacy settings, this video cannot be played here.” *
Hell Dane Reynolds. You are a hard woman to please.
She’s a hard woman to please
And I thought about letting her know
She’s a hard lady to leave
and I thought about letting her go
She’s a tough lady to leave
But, I thought about it
She’s a hard lady to please, yes she is
I gave her laughter, she wanted diamonds
I was romantic, she treated my cruelly
Where is the mercy, where is the love?
You see, passion has a funny way
Of burning down and running low
And suddenly it goes out
And you wonder where does it go.
* Just in! The video now plays here! We are seconds again! Alongside everyone else!