The barrel of your life. Paddler is sucked backwards and puts you in a cartwheel to destruction. Your response?
It’s been a while since the last installment of What Would You Do? Mainly because I haven’t been able to think of anything good. There isn’t much variety in the surf experience, couldn’t come up with anything realistic. Don’t want to get too weird with it. Start writing stories about trans-mermaids luring men into underwater fuck palaces.
But I’ve got something today! With a video demonstration to boot. Easy to keep it short and sweet.
So… you’ve locked in to a world class stand up barrel. Easy roll-in entry, big open section you could make it through with your eyes closed. This is the type of shit most surfers dream about, never actually experience.
You toss a subtle hand drag to set up, get your line locked in. So deep, so easy. So long as you don’t do something stupid, like bail for no reason, you’re gonna be flying out in a few seconds with your heart in your throat and a mental image that’ll last for decades.
Every eye in the lineup is on you. You’re gonna be a hero!
One guy is so wrapped up in your feat of derring-do that he paddles mid-face then…just…stops.
He’s staring right at you, all forward momentum gone. Three more strokes and a duck dive would have put him safely out the back. Instead he pokes the nose in from a dead stop, doesn’t penetrate, then starts getting sucked back over the falls.
His board comes flying backwards into the barrel, whacks you in the face, and sends you on a hell cartwheel to destruction. Turns a beautiful situation into something that’s about as bad as it can get. Excepting an imaginary world where the trans-mermaids grab you while underwater and bundle you off to their fuck-palace.
Your board’s broken, your face hurts like a motherfucker, and Mr Doofus is reeling his board in right next to you.
What would you do?
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Surf Quiz (this happened to me): you are paddling out at a nice point break. Some set comes through and so you paddle out to the side and some sponsored fuck on the first set wave goes out of his way to get right up on you to spray you. As he starts his return towards the foam, he runs over your foot. The top of your foot doesn’t bleed for like a minute, real deep slice. He comes up to you and starts asking you to pay for his board because you broke his fin off and damaged his finbox. What do you do?
I second a surf quiz related to someone going out of their line/way to spray you.
Honestly I would probably go in. I wouldn’t seek after him, might mutter something under my breath. But I am sick of fighting crack heads in the parking lot.
I guess I’d return both pieces of my Wavestorm to Costco to try to get double the money back.
Can a mermaid even be trans, given their bottom halves are fish tails, Unless they’re reverse mermaids, with human bottoms and fish tops, in which case … nah.
I meant, like, people who self identify as mermaids. Not transgender mermaids, trans-mermaids.
It’s a whole subculture, man. Open your eyes!
http://merdirectory.com/blo…
Holy shit! Consider me educated!
I’ll tell ya what I’d do- I’d slap that fool right across the face with the Magenta Plum Eco Tail I’d be wearing (http://www.themertailor.com…. The Supsquatch and Shamu were cool and all, but if anyone really wants to up the ante, they’ll surf Pipeline wearing one of these prosthetic mer-abdomens.
You might need to check your diet if you’re shitting that much.
please get weird with it. trans-mermaids luring men into underwater fuck palaces is what i really come here in hopes for
Nice handle Dick.
What would I do? One false crack medivac.
Actually, the very first time I went to Mundaka something similar happened. It was 6-8 foot, dead low tide, steady offshore breeze, sunny and only 153 people in the water. Best waves I have ever seen in my life.
After catching a few absolute shit waves, closeouts that no one looked at, a miracle happens. The rip suddenly breaks through the lineup, sending the pack 50 yards out to sea, and as this happens a set swings wide. Its perfect, and I’m in exactly the right spot. I swing around, a few paddles and a steep drop and I’m locked into an absolute screamer, not a drop out of place. Except for someone on the shoulder, that paddled but has now stopped, but it’s too late, he’s getting thrown with the lip, and my brief glimpse at glory is now a wall of whitewater with fins sticking out. I try and duck but I’m on my backhand, so how is that even possible, and he falls straight on top me. I hear the crunch of our boards banging together as I bounce off the sand and he elbows me in the face.
Now I usually am a very passive, take it easy kind of person. Shit happens. But right now, I am fucking livid. Fuck this fucking guy. I’m going to strangle this motherfucker, I don’t care if he’s a local or not, that was the biggest dick move I’ve ever seen, and I’m the fucking victim. Fuck this guy, he’s fucking dead. Fuck this fucking piece of living, breathing piece of fucking shit.
Pop up and it’s the only person I know in the lineup. The friend I drove here with. So I recite the above to him at the top of my lungs, while we try and untangle our leashes and get worked by the rest of the set. He went in.
Didn’t catch any good ones after that, a few scraps at best. Drive home was awkward, but he apologized.
Has to be one of the most maddening places to surf when it’s good.
That was truly a riveting tale.
That escalated quickly, sounds like fully acceptable behavior. I approve.
I just walked home because my bike got stolen. I would ask him if he knew the whereabouts of my bike.
*Event you propose transpires*
“Hey, motherfucking kook! Get outta here!”
*look at board, now broken, rage swelling*
“Hey! I’m talking to you. What are you, retarded?! You owe me a new board and I owe you a messed up face (even moreso than it is now).”
“Still not talking? Don’t paddle away from me, bitch. You’re dangerous and need to leave. I’m going to fuck you up… Paddle in!”
“Sorry, bro…”
“‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it. And don’t call me ‘bro,’ fucker!”
“Again, sorry, I didn’t think you were going to make it.”
“What? You didn’t even make the duck dive… and you almost killed me!”
“…sorry…”
“Grrrrrr…”
*do nothing, then go home and tell everyone I kicked his ass… like a surf story master*