The online magazine/retailer still claiming that Sharkbanz technology provides "peace of mind!"
As of this evening a poor mother in Florida is beside herself with grief. Weeping into an already soaked handkerchief. Hitting her armchair’s armrest while screaming. “Why me? Why? WHY?”
And what is leading to such grief? Such sadness on the day before New Year’s Eve?
She purchased for her beloved son a Christmas present, you see. A Sharkbanz bracelet promising to protect him from watery beasts. He had never worn one before but strapped in on, paddled out and ZAP! Attacked! Attacked just last evening!
What could have made her fall for such heartless pseudo-science?
Maybe Stab!
The online surf website/retailer/fin maker just months ago promised wonders from the Sharkbanz technology being employed by very expensive Modom leashes. The writer was uncontainable in his praise. Shall we read?
Risk reduction never looked so good.
If you’re a regular to Stab, you’ll be aware that for some time, we’ve been (highly) anticipating the release of Modom’s Shark Deterrent Leash, developed in partnership with Sharkbanz.
And now… it’s finally here.
Developed over 10 years by senior marine biologists and chemists, the leash creates an electromagnetic field around the surfer which is designed to irritate the shark’s electrical sense (without causing it or any nearby sealife any harm), reducing the risk of attack by sending curious sharks on their way.
No batteries, no charging, and an unnoticeable amount of extra weight. Plus, of course, the peace of mind that comes with reduced risk. Don’t sleep on this: It ain’t hard to foresee the first release selling out.
Buy here.
The “buy here” kicked to Papa Surfstitch who was selling the product at a whopping $180 – $250 a pop.
Oh I am not casting a stone. We all make mistakes due economic pressure. I once wrote a lengthy treatise suggesting that children smoking filterless cigarettes would cure juvenile asthma. The Corvette Stingray gifted to me by Big Tobacco had nothing to do with the piece but when my research was proven less than stellar I had it removed and apologized.
Yet Stab’s THE MODOM SHARK DETERRENT LEASH IS FINALLY HERE still lives. And still kicks to SurfStitch.
Shouldn’t it be replaced with a heartfelt apology? Shouldn’t SurfStitch be offering full refunds plus $250 dollar gift cards?
BeachGrit doesn’t believe in pushing pseudo-science but if we did this would be our policy.
The BeachGrit way!
The sharks can’t stand to be annoyed so they go away. Just like magic. Don’t forget to pay me to recharge it.
Everyone knows the only way to deal with a murderous shark is to throw an oxygen tank into its mouth and then shoot it. C’mon people
Rory’s wife could suit Sharkbanz and Surfstich in name of the victim! Maybe after a short trial would we see Rory own Stab??
He needs a new gig so this might be perfect!
you mean stab took time out from hazy- filmed slow motion sultry- glancing, glistening-butt- cheeked women to do something about surfing?
nice to read a slick piece–are some new year’s cocktails lubing up the digits?
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t need new year’s for a cocktail dear Beatrice!
I would half way assume my get sober and fit piece doesn’t quite make the cut. That’s okay, I make no claims at being any sort of writer. Getting sober and fit, well, I’m giving it the ol’ college try.
“Smoking filterless cigarettes would cure juvenile asthma”….. after the last two weeks of drama you’re back in rare form