Portugal bares its teeth but Brad bites back!
2017 arrives and the world continues its erratic but altogether downward spiral. Noa Deane inks a reported 500k per annum deal with Volcom, meanwhile Rip Curl cuts off Brad Flora’s supply of wetsuits, T-shirts, and food stamps. This seems unjust condsidering they are, basically, the same person.
Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at the data:
Well, well, well. Nepotism rears its dreadful head once again. I’m not saying that Noa is only rich and famous because his parents were great surfers from a historically prevalent surfing region, but this Excel spreadsheet is.
After all Brad is from Maryland. The Old-Line State. Known mostly for an aquarium and the fact that our nation’s capital has sieged its western border. Maryland also has a small coastal community called Ocean City (how clever!), and like the majority of the east coast it sometimes gets a decent wave. This is where Brad honed his craft.
But Brad was always bigger than Ocean City, so by way of a Rip Curl contract he moved to California to pursue his passion of rinsing chicks and puffing darts. He also found the Pacific shores a suitable place to surf, so in his free time he took to the sea.
Brad’s surfing commands attention. When he takes off, the collective lineup peers over its shoulder, anxiously awaiting whatever spin/flip/tweak variation may be in store. He’ll hit any section, regardless of pier or rock or human in his direct field of vision. Sounds trite, but he truly doesn’t seem to give a fuck, and it’s fabulous.
Only his knees and ankles and Rip Curl may feel differently.
Ahh I remember going to Ocean City MD as a kid. It was so tacky in the most wonderful way: pizza dough being thrown in the air, funnel cake and Thrasher’s fries, Carmel corn, shoot the star, skiball and prizes, a communal piss trough that looked like a bathtub, a monster beach sifter that would swallow children whole, girls, attack seagulls, bums, carnies, drunks, shrunken heads, dodo bird puppets, the boardwalk. The subject of my dreams all year until our week there in the summer.
To me, looks like he should get a low-risk/incentive laden contract. A little help and direction could pay off in a big way. Wouldn’t this be a fun project for a brand new, ‘fuck-it-all’ type brand…Former? 🤔
I loved the song! I haven’t heard Rudimentary Peni in like 25 years.
That little fucker can surf but he needs to grow a thin, soft, effeminate mustache if he wants to keep up with Noah Deane.
Otherwise known as the “crustash”. See skater David Gravette for reference.
Horrible case of noisy arms.
You forgot these checkboxes:
“Horrendous Style” – this guy gets one and Noa doesn’t
“Rail Game” – this guy doesn’t get one and Noa does
There’s only one Noa Deane! Kai Neville’s one.
Whilst heaping hatred on Noa Deane is a popular sport round here, his surfing is infinitely better than this fella’s. Also, i think he genuinely loves ciggies and tins. It ain’t hard to.
Absolute treason to use Peni in your shitty clip. Even Rip Curl knows that.
So by the transitive property of equality, Brad Flora is Bruce Irons?