There is no surfer more entertaining than Mason
Ho. Everything he does is original, creative, skillful to
the tenth degree. If surfing were politics, Mason would be the
unequivocal leader of the alt-left. Ford Archbold weeps.
I get that Mason has a soft spot for competition. His uncle is a
World Champ, his dad a Pipe Master, even his little sis has been on
Tour for years. But that Mason continues to chase the QS brings
sadness to my heart. Surf all the Hawaii events, win the Eddie or
the Masters and have your name engraved into eternity, but do us a
favor and skip the Aussie QS leg. Did you watch the Junior World
Championships, Mase? Your star shines too bright to be doused by
the hammering heels of Willian Cardoso or his likeness.
The QS is designed to mold talent into metronome, only those
with the most monotonous rhythm being able to succeed. Up down
up down tic tac toe, 8.5 and away you go! But your
surfing is horizontal, diagonal, upside-down. No matter how hard
you try, your crystalline structure will never fit into their
perfect little parallelogram. Nor should you want it to.
Instead, focus on this. The videos. The finding cool waves. The
pushing of limits that most of us didn’t even know existed. Hang
with your friends, smoke a little weed, stay happy. Take the Rip
Curl wildcards when they come and tear Parko a new one. Kidnap
Turpell and commentate the final alongside Martin Potter. Just be
you!
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Bethany: Better Than You!
By Michael Ciaramella
What's not to love about Beth's technique,
charisma?
If you don’t appreciate Bethany Hamilton, you
are anti-anti-depressive and should probably leave right now. The
shark attack survivor/mother/world class surfer personifies class
in a sport defined by egotism and insouciance.
I once watched Matt George cry while reading, aloud, his
profile on Bethany Hamilton. Dramatic, yes, but it is
a wonderful piece that one would only benefit from reading.
For instance, did you know that Uncle Laird put a price on the
assailant’s head, leading to the culling of a fourteen-foot tiger
shark whose jaws matched the markings on her board within two
micrometers? Derek would be so proud.
This year I had the fortune of sharing a few sessions with
Bethany while she was warming up for the Fiji Pro. Her athletic
frame cruised the Cloudbreak lineup with just the right
combination of force and attitude. People cheered her into waves as
if she needed the extra boost. She didn’t.
Bethany has invented a crafty technique for wave catching,
wherein she positions herself to the meet the wave at its
near-breaking point, pulls the nose of her board back into the
lurching wall, and uses the board’s buoyancy and wave’s
momentum to sling herself over the ledge. If unable to position
herself for that maneuver, she’s still able to out-paddle most of
her peers — dare I say out-surf them, too.
This video features Bethany cauterizing the unsuspecting walls
of Pasta Point in the Maldives. Is it her best surfing? The most
stunning piece of film? Nay. But it forces me to remember and
appreciate everything she’s done for surfing and those living with
disabilities. Bethany Hamilton has singlehandedly changed
our game for the better.
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You want to know what drove the smallest kid in the
entire seventh grade at Kahuku High School to one day ride giant
waves and to mount the majestic Great White? Listen to this
excellent podcast by the journalist (and pick-up artist) Neil
Strauss and pro volleyballer and wife of Laird Hamilton, Gabby
Reece. | Photo: @healeywaterops
Healey: “I experienced real racism!”
By Derek Rielly
Big-waver Mark Healey reveals wild childhood on
podcast, The Truth Barrel…
The Hawaiian Mark Healy is someone you can safely refer
to as a “waterman” without conjuring up scenes of noise
and braggadocio.
Recently, Mark was a guest on The
Truth Barrel, a podcast that takes place in
a heated sauna and is hosted by the journalist and one-time pick-up
artist Neil Strauss and pro volleyballer and wife of Laird
Hamilton, Gabby Reece.
“There’s no fluff around Mark Healey,” says Reece, who posits
that it wasn’t just Mark’s exposure to the ocean that turned him
into the beast he is today, but growing up a small, white kid in a
tough, local Hawaiian school.
In this episode, Mark speaks movingly of being the smallest kid
of 200 in his grade at Kahuku High, girls included. The only kid
who approached his diminutiveness was a boy with cancer.
“I didn’t break one hundred pounds until I was seventeen,” says
Mark.
Small, white, no connections.
“I experienced real racism,” he says. “But then again it’s
complex issues. A lot of white people did a lot of bad stuff over
there. I didn’t. I wasn’t coming from land
barons. My parents were just as poor and hard-working as anybody
else, probably a lot more poorer than the local families. It’s
human nature (to bully, exclude). You deal with a lot of stuff.
Racism is obviously an issue and bullying is obviously an issue
today but…
“Come on people, if they experienced the skin of stuff I
experienced growing up. I’d be twelve years old, and small for
twelve years old, and have a senior come by and give me his best
shot. Straight down the pipe. Blow my face out. You were constantly
on edge. You’d get in altercations twice a week. You learned to be
either a doormat or stick up for yourself. Not a lot of kids stick
up for themselves. You kinda snap every now and then.
“The crappy thing is,” says Mark, “you get forced into a
situation where you have to react and if you lose, you
lose. If you win, then you have their entire family looking for
you.”
And don’t go expecting the other small white kids to help.
They’re “shaking in a corner with PTS,” laughs Mark.
Thing is, he says, the fights, the racism helped him become who
he is.
“I was dealing with an environment where I was, a, a minority
and it was a little rough, b, being the smallest guy, c, being
poor… I always tell kids this. If there’s anything that’s really
served me, it’s this. I learned at an early age that sometimes you
have to work twice as hard to get the same results as the person
next to you. Life’s not fair. Do you want it or not? Do what it
takes to get it.”
Listen here.
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Gray seen here celebrating his victory.
War: Alex Gray bloodies Kelly Slater!
By Chas Smith
The greatest there ever was knocked out by a wily
upstart!
If you are an observer of the surf game, even
casually, then you will know that Kelly Slater is the undisputed,
never before grazed, 10000000 times world champion of the passive aggressive unprovoked
and unnecessary take down. Who could ever forget such classic bouts
such as “Adriano de Souza wins his first (likely only) hard fought
hard earned world title only to be upstaged by Kelly Slater and his
wave pool hours later?”
Devastating!
Or “John John wins his much celebrated title and while the world
(save Brazil) rejoices Kelly Slater claims Jordy Smith has better
video parts?”
Crushing!
Kelly is a master. His timing, his delivery, his approach
flawless and conventional wisdom had him only being bested in the
passive aggressive unprovoked and unnecessary take down scene once
dementia started to creep more fully.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday a challenger stepped into the ring. A young man out of
Los Angeles with a quick wit, a crooked smile and a
mischievous glint in his eye. Lady’s and gentlemen… put your hands
together for…
Alllllllllllllex Graaaaaaaaaaay!
The big wave surfer took to Instagram praising his sponsor Body
Glove new product offering.
Body Glove created the first wetsuit and now they’ve created
the first heat moldable bootie! I’m really stoked to be part of the
new technology. Having the bootie mold to your foot takes any extra
room out, preventing any of that typical sliding around inside the
bootie. I also really like the new pattern on the bottom for extra
grip. If you have a narrow foot like me now we get to have the
perfect fit for those cold days! And also feel like ninjas with
glue feet. Thanks etc. etc. for having me along the
process.
Very kind, thoughtful and sincere. Alex, I believe, was let go
by the vicious Volcom earlier this year and would be forgiven being
grouchy. This is the sort of generosity of spirit that makes me
smile and I’m sure Body Glove was smiling too. Kelly Slater,
though, couldn’t stand these smiles directed away from him and
dropped a hammer in the comments.
I like it but didn’t Oneill make the first wetsuit?
That blow should have staggered poor Alex Gray. Should have
knocked him out entirely. But like Rocky Balboa he took it right on
the chin then countered with an even bigger hammer!
@kellyslater is it true ur wave pool is currently
broken?
And there goes the champ. Reeling! Spinning across the canvas
unable to find his feet… going… going… going… down!
Who would have ever guessed that? Who would have ever guessed
Alex Gray was surf’s Buster Douglas? Well, you should have quite
frankly. Alex is no spring chicken. He once even battled Filipe Toledo’s
dad!
But how will Kelly Slater respond? Will he ask for a
rematch with Alex or go and lash out at another unsuspecting foe to
build confidence back up?
And is his wave pool currently really broken? I’m going to get
to the bottom of this as soon as I’m done cruising Harajuku!
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"I got stitches for Christmas!" | Photo:
lairdhamilton.com
Audio: “What does Laird get for Xmas?”
By Anthony Pancia
A pleasingly loose interview with Size King Laird
Hamilton.
Yesterday at four am, sometime
BeachGrit reporter Anthony Pancia was awoken by a phone
call from the wife of Laird Hamilton, the model and volleyballer
Gabby Reece. The reporter had been chasing an interview with Laird
and had taken to sleeping with his portable telephone under his
pillow in case of an unlikely callback.
But miracles do happen, and it is the season for the miraculous
afterall.
And with Laird stuck in a car for an hour, and in a very good
humour, the pair talked Christmas gifts (“This year I got some
stitches!”), hip replacements (“Too many lifetimes in one!”) and
the history of foil-boarding (“The only way to ride the biggest
waves on the world will be on hydro-foils.”)
