The greatest there ever was knocked out by a wily upstart!
If you are an observer of the surf game, even casually, then you will know that Kelly Slater is the undisputed, never before grazed, 10000000 times world champion of the passive aggressive unprovoked and unnecessary take down. Who could ever forget such classic bouts such as “Adriano de Souza wins his first (likely only) hard fought hard earned world title only to be upstaged by Kelly Slater and his wave pool hours later?”
Devastating!
Or “John John wins his much celebrated title and while the world (save Brazil) rejoices Kelly Slater claims Jordy Smith has better video parts?”
Crushing!
Kelly is a master. His timing, his delivery, his approach flawless and conventional wisdom had him only being bested in the passive aggressive unprovoked and unnecessary take down scene once dementia started to creep more fully.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday a challenger stepped into the ring. A young man out of Los Angeles with a quick wit, a crooked smile and a mischievous glint in his eye. Lady’s and gentlemen… put your hands together for…
Alllllllllllllex Graaaaaaaaaaay!
The big wave surfer took to Instagram praising his sponsor Body Glove new product offering.
Body Glove created the first wetsuit and now they’ve created the first heat moldable bootie! I’m really stoked to be part of the new technology. Having the bootie mold to your foot takes any extra room out, preventing any of that typical sliding around inside the bootie. I also really like the new pattern on the bottom for extra grip. If you have a narrow foot like me now we get to have the perfect fit for those cold days! And also feel like ninjas with glue feet. Thanks etc. etc. for having me along the process.
Very kind, thoughtful and sincere. Alex, I believe, was let go by the vicious Volcom earlier this year and would be forgiven being grouchy. This is the sort of generosity of spirit that makes me smile and I’m sure Body Glove was smiling too. Kelly Slater, though, couldn’t stand these smiles directed away from him and dropped a hammer in the comments.
I like it but didn’t Oneill make the first wetsuit?
That blow should have staggered poor Alex Gray. Should have knocked him out entirely. But like Rocky Balboa he took it right on the chin then countered with an even bigger hammer!
@kellyslater is it true ur wave pool is currently broken?
And there goes the champ. Reeling! Spinning across the canvas unable to find his feet… going… going… going… down!
Who would have ever guessed that? Who would have ever guessed Alex Gray was surf’s Buster Douglas? Well, you should have quite frankly. Alex is no spring chicken. He once even battled Filipe Toledo’s dad!
But how will Kelly Slater respond? Will he ask for a rematch with Alex or go and lash out at another unsuspecting foe to build confidence back up?
And is his wave pool currently really broken? I’m going to get to the bottom of this as soon as I’m done cruising Harajuku!
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haha. excellent.
Harajuku! Come on Chas, live a lil.
Alex has been acting out since he heard there will be video cameras capturing him pulling his weekly circus seal act on the older bay boys.
I was going to suggest you recruit crombie, but then read this lols
Time Wanker
(Historical Adventure)
A young man discovers that by increasing the speed with which he masturbates he is able to travel through time. Join Chas Smith as he materializes with his pants down in places like: the coronation of Napoleon, the Normandy Landings, an elevator with Ray Charles and more!
So what, now? The Champ can’t have an opinion? Any therapist would agree that Kelly is a very living, breathing passive aggressive guy when it comes to his field of expertise. I’m more concerned about the legality of pouring boiling water into a 3″ hole and then pouring it out. I can hear Gordon Ramsay yelling at me from across the room.
As Sunny Garcia said once: “Kelly Slater is the most sellfish surfer in the world”
go back to annoying people on stab, nobody wants you here.
Peace, brother!
Makes sense!
Sell Fish , ah I’ll buy one!
sunnys wife just left him and now hes trying to pick up the pieces of his life together again. id say kelly won this one
Right! Kelly left his baby-mama way back when, not the other way around. Winning!
Despite having signed confidentiality agreements, open secret amongst those who were handpicked by KS to surf his ranch that Kelly Slater Wave Pools has a LONG LONG way to go before coming even close to being economically viable or even fun for more than 3 or 4 surfers in a day.
Definitely a story there Chas, dig and you will find. May require some old fashioned grovelling but the truth is out there.
Interesting, why? How many waves get pumped out in a day? What is cost per wave?
you’re dead wrong about the fun part.
economically viable? way more complicated question: the KSWC folks have consistently described the wave in lemoore as a “prototype” and never suggested that they plan on opening it up as a public “pay to surf” park.
what, the “real” one will be cheaper to operate, fun for more people, and economically viable?
Is this the first article by Chas since Rory left where he doesn’t have a sly poke? not that he hasn’t made grand entertainment out of it.
btw, where has Rory ended up?
on the couch, bitching about his perfect life
This is good. This is very good. I’m with Kelly on this. But I’m after blood, so I’m gonna go back to reading this pearl of a book Welcome to Paradise now go to hell written by the genius punk author of the above lines. Currently to the part where he gets chased by Monster Hawaiians on the North shore. LOL. Hilarious
(smugly) They’re both wrong, the first neoprene wetsuit was made by a Scripps scientist and diver named Hugh Bradner.
smugly like a Godfather right there https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Fuck it I’m only posting Smug this week.
ah HB , now what company did he work for , or did they name a beach after him>
BRILLANT!
Are you guys gonna hire me or what? I keep finding these great stories and I don’t even get a mention.
It’s true! This story was first reported by Limbless Jack!
You have a nose for the news!
slaters now the old guy at the club. jordan wizards, tiger post thanksgiving car ax. instead of dropping video parts highlighting his 90’s aerial attack, he’s a thinned-skinned mid-40’s internet troll.
sounds like needs an slapping in portugal by a bodyboarder, like parko
So one of the snow cats is having a mechanical issue, all that coin and no ability to turn a wrench.
i think the duck pond liner is leaking