Can Kelly Slater crush the burning ember of John John's youth? Let's tune in!
Do you remember Mr. Rielly’s story last week, wherein Justin Jay spilled the beans about la casa de Kelly? How Slater, a 45-year-old conspiracy theorist, felt the need to school young Jackson Dorian on proper chess theory? Not out of patronage, apparently, but for the sheer joy of being right. Of winning. Of publicly demonstrating his unwavering global-competence despite a slowly deteriorating mind and body.
Well it turns out there’s another game he’s unwilling to concede to persons of youth… the Banzai Pipeline!
Today marks the start of the Volcom Pipe Pro waiting period, an event that combines the good waves of the Backdoor Shootout and the production quality of the WSL.
Since it’s inception in 2011 (it was previously the Monster Energy Pro) the VPP has only had two victors — 4x champ John Florence and 2x champ Robert Slater. While Johnny’s got the upper hand in numerical terms, Kelly’s 2016 victory makes him the big swinging dick of the event.
So, what makes an old fart like Kelly so keen to slug it out in a QS 3,000?
Two things: Pipeline and pride
Kelly has long declared his mission to maintain strength and dexterity enough to surf Pipeline into his nineties. Seems far fetched, but Laird says he’ll live forever so I guess anything is possible. That said, Kelly has a deep-rooted passion for Pipe and becomes agitated when others play in the sandbox without him. That’s a feeling I can relate to but imagined would subside by my mid-30s. Kelly was not so lucky in that regard.
The main reason he refuses to miss the Volcom Pipe Pro is the same reason he won 11 world titles. He’s a ruthlessly competitive motherfucker who is driven by an insatiable need to be the best. It’s important to note that Kelly’s not Trumpish in his pursuit of victory. He’s not a win-at-all-costs, shut-down-negative-media-sources, piss-on-Andy’s-grave type. He wants his competitors to do their absolute best, force him to raise his level, and then defeat them straight up.
In that sense, I think a contest like this could be more important to him than another world title. Because of John John.
Kelly’s fascination with simultaneously uplifting and belittling the John is amazing to watch. JJF finally got his title but has also lost most major heats against the King. They had a final at the Pipe Masters and a semi at Chopes that will go down as one of the best evers, and Kelly got him both times. John snuck a win at the 2015 VPP, but the waves were small and tricky, so he likely didn’t feel that was a proper victory.
Kelly wants John in giant, pumping surf. Surely he’d prefer man-on-man, but the four-man Volcom system will have to suffice, as it’s one of only two chances they have throughout the year to share the water at Pipe.
As of now, the forecast looks tricky. North-turning northeast swell for the first part of the waiting period, followed by a solid West-northwest swell, which would typically be perfect for Pipe, were it not plagued by the currently forecasted Kona winds.
Either way, these guys want nothing more than to meet each other in the final. John seeks to take the throne once and for all, while Kelly strives to retain his alpha status into eternity. My mind says John, but my heart adores Kelly’s ageless defiance to no end. Also a Mason victory would be a nice trade off.
Comp’s off today but peep the video below for a proper hype-up!
i’m a masochist. i’ll read them.
Be a sadist too, and review them for us.
Kelly probably doing cartwheel since Fed had his win – inspiring at any rate!!!
Beachgrit is an inclusive anti-depressive web based community for surf industry insiders. But we’re also very bitter and cynical. You need to work on and grow your cynicism
Or not. Just joking
I think being able to surf Pipe with 3 other people, instead of 103, might be a big part of Kelly’s motivation.
Congrats on your best article to date. You almost managed to keep your self out of it which was good. It’s not too late to edit out this part that has let you down once again -“That’s a feeling I can relate to but imagined would subside by my mid-30s. Kelly was not so lucky in that regard.”
Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy snaking grommets out of the best waves and spraying them in the face mid cutback? That’s all Kelly is doing…
There are some fun things about surfing and getting old(er)
Wait til the day your daily driver is a 9’2 and watch the pack scatter in fear like cockroaches
Ive gone other way and got 5’5 x 2 1/2 x 21 – 34L paddles like a mal onto everything super wide tail!!! Few surfs on fat high tide stuff is unbelievable fun
but involves flapping like a fishing line entwined starved worm-riddled seagull after that last spewed morsel of a chip once up and going though.
more surfboard reviews to come.
Not sure yet haven’t found any chips to eat!!!
Would rather ride this than a mal – that’s my point so something different. Only couple surfs on fat high tide small 1-2ft stuff.
But I will keep you posted now you have asked
Be happy to write a review on my 9’2 Hypto Krypto if you’d like (black spray with handshaped 8 channel)
http://www.sanctumsurf.com….
that’s it for ya
The grommets didn’t have to work all day so it’s fine to drop in on them.
no-one here can do cutbacks
Hey! 1996 was a great year for me.
I don’t think Kelly is as pure in his winning as you think. He will take a W any old way he can and run with it. Anything to hold onto the spotlight for a bit longer. It really is sad for our champ to fade into oblivion in such a snide, sarcastic way. Mostly by his own doing, or should I say, undoing.
I still like Kelly, I must admit. I hate when he opens his mouth about anything other than surfing, however. Surely he must know that he stands to alienate a large number of his fans when he guilt trips his fans on eco-crap and somehow excuses himself to surf the exotic, hard to get to, breaks.
Still, he comes across as a nice guy, and at the moment, I support his 2017 campaign.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t still love him and gobble up every scrap that he drops. I just don’t wanna see him tarnish his unreal career by holding on too long. Kelly, champ for 17 is my hope as well.