Cap’n Paul: “Surfers are drama queens!”

Ignorant, uneducated, cowardly whining hysterical drama queens!

I think you must know the environmental organization Sea Shepherd from its aggressive pirate sticker and from Dave Rastovich. Its motto is “You fucken suck if you don’t have gills or a blowhole or claws n shit!” and its founder, Captain Paul Watson, is a real rabble rouser when it comes to protecting all ocean creatures from the evil intentions of man.

He was once part of Greenpeace but then he thought their methods were not confrontational enough so founded Sea Shepherd.

A few days ago he took to his Facebook to call surfers, who want to maybe not surf with sharks, li’l bitches. Let’s read from his post!

Shark Hating Drama Queens Need to Grow Up

Playing golf is more dangerous than surfing.

Hiking is more dangerous than surfing.

Driving a car is more dangerous than surfing.

Taking a bath is more dangerous than surfing.

Eating a cheeseburger is more dangerous than your chance of being eaten by a shark. Getting drunk is a greater threat to your life than any shark could ever be.

Now most surfers I know are not whiners. They are not cry babies. Surfers tend to be people with an intimate connection to the Ocean. I have long viewed surfers as Ambassadors of the Sea. Kelly Slater is an icon. Likewise Laird Hamilton and Stephanie Gilmore to name just three.

Bethany Hamilton still surfs and she lost an arm to a shark.

They all embody grace, courage and respect for the sea.

Most surfers that I know respect sharks.

So why are a minority of cry baby surfers hysterical about sharks?

I’ll tell you why.

They are cowards and if you’re afraid of shark, the solution is simple, stay the hell out of the Ocean.
These whiners are an absolute disgrace to the art of surfing.

Humans kill a hundred million sharks a year and sharks on average kill about 5 people annually despite the fact that hundreds of millions of people go into the water every single day.

Dogs kill more people every year than sharks.

Horses kill more people every year than sharks.

And Mosquitos kill more people than all other animals kill people every year.

Your chances of being killed by another human are vastly greater than being killed by a shark.

The only people who want to kill off the sharks are ignorant, uneducated, cowardly whining hysterical drama queens.

Every time a person is attacked by a shark, a truly rare event, the media goes nuts and the ‘experts’ crawl out of the woodwork to advocate retaliation and revenge.

So to all you so called ‘surfers’ and ‘bathers’ how about growing up. Admit you’re just scared and upset that sharks threaten your anthropocentric delusion of dominance. Leave the sharks alone and stop giving a bad name to surfers.

Whoa.

Ummmm do you agree with Cap’n Watson? Would you classify yourself as an “ignorant, uneducated, cowardly whining hysterical drama queen” if you think that fishing aggressive near-shore sharks is a reasonable response to attacks?

Do you love to make straw men arguments then ruthlessly destroy them?

Should we maybe found a competing organization called Sea Fucker?

Sea Fucker will have a very nice flag too, I think. Maybe not so piratey like Sea Shepherd. I think our name does the proper amount of aggressive for us. Also our motto “Fuck the Fishes!” So maybe we balance it out with a rainbow over a Chinaman eating a delicious bowl of sharkfin soup.

Our biggest activity will be posting angry screeds to Facebook.