A "Choose your Own Adventure" part II!
Yesterday we began a wild choose your own adventure adventure. Read part one here and in a landslide (2 votes to 1) you chose a nice Newport Beach plastic surgeon over Mitchie Rollins (who was basically Richie Collins but many were confused). Today, we continue. Again vote either (A) or (B) in the comments! (Hint: If you are already tired of this misbegotten charade vote (B))
A nice Newport Beach Plastic surgeon
Your dad is totally great and everyone at school is way jealous. He works a lot but always makes time for your needs. Just last week he took you to the mall to get a new MacBook because you spilled acai all over your old one. He wasn’t even mad, telling you, “Look, son, into every life a little acai must fall…” while patting you on the shoulder and winking.
Next year you turn sixteen and he is going to get you a Tesla. You really wanted white but you overheard the cute girl in history telling her friend that her gaydar goes off when she sees a boy driving a white car so now you want black.
The family is always a priority. It is something he said he learned at Promise Keepers conferences when he and your mom first got married. “A strong man puts his family first and keeps his promises…” he used to tell you regularly.
He stopped saying it as much since he moved offices though, and got that super cute nurse assistant but…whatever. You know he cares.
Anyhow, you finish rubbing your eyes and look at him. He has an extremely apologetic look on his face and whispers, “Sorry, son… the door slipped out of my hand. Say, I was just checking to see if you wanted to go surfing before class today?”
You look over at your retro digital clock, see the number reading 5:32 and say…
a) Would love to, dad, but I’m too tired.
b) Ummmmm sure. Let me grab my stuff.
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Are there any child abuse/ dunking/ attempts at manslaughter if they go surf? I really hope that London gets the white Tesla.
B. I’ll take any opportunity to burn dad
I dunno, I saw a rich surfer kid in my Newport neighborhood get out of a white Range Rover today and he still looked pretty impressed with himself.
if he only knew…
His dad is going to surprise him with the white one, fuck…
“Look, son, into every life a little acai must fall…”
hahahhaha
This man, Chas as you guys call him, is creating a truly unique online experience. How can a website which insists on being hard candy for surfers (whatever that means) have such unique crossover appeal for the man who tried and hanged the vicar of Brandeston? Is it on purpose? Is it a mistake? I don’t have the answers. Instead, I simply laugh and bow my head to the mystery.
Sounds like you got a man crush on Chas. And a bit sociopathic. Is it on purpose? Is it a mistake? Are you going to steal Chas’ soul?
I guess I’ve always been a sucker for a man with a thinly outlined penis tattoo on his neck.
A. Chas 4ever Chas is lyph
Of course a), I need to know if this kid gets his stupid Tesla.
If we dead end this with bad decisions, I’m pretty sure Newport dad ends up banging these chicks from maths and history class.
B. (Even though realistically 15-year-old-Newport-me would be too fucked up to surf, as pills or at least strong weed would’ve kept me in bed, ESPECIALLY if dad has a prescription pad).
Dad can get Oxys for pain relief after the boob jobs? If so, a
By the way, I’m pretty sure this is dad: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
A of course! Carry on Mr. Smith. We need more info on Dads new nurse.
I don’t want this to ever end. A.
I get the feeling choosing a) is going to end in me gaining weight, getting stupid tattoos and somehow getting caught up in hanging with Metal Neck putting out shitty surf clips… so b)!
Let me guess
a) fall back asleep and cream yourself dreaming about Daddy’s nurse
b) ? well it’s supposed to be an adventure so we will have to go with (b)