I’d say the vast majority, maybe 80% of surfers worldwide would
prefer to be on their forehand. It makes sense — you can see the
wave better, there are more options in terms of maneuvers and, if
you’re that type of gal, the frontside bottom turn allows one to
show off her assets. Her Alana Blanchard!
But the backhand, oh she’s a dark power. More grunt than grace
but beautiful it’s nonetheless. All it takes is one heelside hanger
to make a believer out of me. In fact, I find it difficult to
imagine a simpler, more appealing turn than a backside vert. And
boy do the CT judges agree!
Recently Clay Marzo and Ramzi Boukhiam, two talented goofies
from half’a world apart, showed their hands.
Ramzi, hailing from Morocco, is a real motherfucker on the
backhand — like a tall Tom Carroll or a caramel Wiggolly Dantas.
This winter North Africa was hit with a few behemoth swells and
Ramzi shut the joint down. No-grab tubes were his go-to, but a few
of the turns in between will make you squeal like a pig. Please,
indulge!
Up next is Marzo. Maui’s greatest enigma is currently filming
for his second profile film, This Is Clay, which means
these clips are likely throwaways. Because of Clay’s immense
talent, the reel remains totally bonkers despite its B-grade
nature. Clay sticks to his beloved left-handers and gorges on a
platter of tubes, turns, and the odd slob. Watch!
Now the question: who did it better? Backside or front? Dark or
light? Quiksilver or JSLV?
I think Ramzi took this one, but only with the advantages of
wave quality and not withholding A-clips.
After the whole London
incident, there’s been heaps of chatter about grom
abuse. What is acceptable, what isn’t, and why are these goddamn
kids so disrespectful?
Most people over forty believe that the hardened, hierarchical
surf culture of the seventies, eighties, and nineties
bred fairness and respect. Today, they argue, the promotion of
lineup equality has wreaked havoc on surf spots all around the
world, most notably Salt Creek and Lowers.
I took a
stance that doesn’t quite refute their overarching
sentiment, but more or less scolds old men who think it’s cool to
physically or emotionally assault a kid. Even if he’s being a
shit-head.
However, one voice has stood out above the rest, and it’s not
just because all his letters are big. The following has been
attributed to Christian Fletcher and reposted onto FB from
somewhere. Maybe the Stab comment section!
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!
MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN FLETCHER AND SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE AHEAD OF
TIME BUT THIS HAS GONE ON TO LONG AND IF YOUR OFFENEDED BY IT GOOD
YOU SHOULD BE CAUSE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!
FUCK LONDON FUCK HIS MOM AND FUCK IAN CAIRNS THEY CAN ALL EAT
A BAG OF DICKS.
IM SO TIRED OF THESE ENTITLED LITTLE LIMP WRISTED FUCKING PUSSIES
THEY DROP IN ON ME CRASH INTO ME AND THEN TELL ME “FUCK YOU LEAVE”
AND THEN I GO TO GRAB THEM AND THERE FRIEND START YELLING “FUCK YOU
HE IS ONLY 17 “SO I SAY “FUCK YOU I DONT GIVE A FUCK” AND THIS
HAPPENS KINDA REGULARLY TO ME AT MORE PLACES THAN JUST SALT
CREEK
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE AND IF HE
DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE I WAS
PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO
SURF WITH ANY CROWD
THEN GUYS LIKE Q -TIP WOULD BE YELLING BEAT IT GROM FROM THE WATER
WHILE I WOULD BE WALKING DOWN THE SAND DUNES THEN DROP IN ON ME AND
DING MY BRAND NEW BOARD AND YOU WHAT I DID ABOUT IT, I DIDNT DO
SHIT CAUSE THATS THE WAY IT GOES I WAS A KID AND I LEARNED RESPECT
AND THE KIDS NOW HAVE NONE SO FUCK THEM FUCK THIER PARENTS AND FUCK
THE POLICE FOR WASTING OUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS THE MOM AND KID
SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESSTED FOR MAKING A FALSE CALL AND HAVE TO PAY
RESTITUTION FOR FOR IT AND IAN HAS DONE NOTHING BUT HOLD SURFING
BACK FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS ATLEAST HAHAHA HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM
TRY TO SURF IN THOSE 30YEARS WHAT A JOKE BIGGEST KOOK IN THE WATER
MY GRANDPA IS 85 AND STILL SURFS BETTER THAN IAN AND IAN IS YOUNGER
THAN MY DAD!!!
SO IM SORRY BUT ABOUT THE LANGUAGE BUT BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE
WILL UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS THIS PROBLEM IS, EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE
IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF
PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST
LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL
BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I
FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING
LEARNED!!!! GOOD JOB DIVEL AND I JUST MIGHT NEED SOME OF THAT
INSURANCE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT CAUSE IM NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT
AND JUST SO HAPPENS IANS KIDS FAVORITE SKATEBOARDER IS MY SON
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS WHAT I CALL KARMA
My ears are ringing but it’s imperative we analyze this
masterpiece!
First of all, poor Ian Cairns. “You surf worse than my grandpa”
is a pretty hard one to come back from. Maybe he just needs a
coach? What do you guys think? We could crowdfund and get him
surfing under Micro. They’ll be called Freak the Mighty
and will take the WSA Super-Senior division by storm!
Then there’s this quote:
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE
AND IF HE DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE
I WAS PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW
TO SURF WITH ANY CROWD
Having recently watched the
greatest surf film, Surf’s Up, Christian’s
anecdote couldn’t be more hilarious. If you haven’t seen (and you
must), the movie’s antagonist is an impeccably skilled,
exceptionally douchey surf-penguin named Tank “Shredder” Evans, and
one of the movie’s best scenes has him pulling a “Herbie”! Please
watch:
Then, maybe the best part of Christian’s whole spiel comes
out:
EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD
KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT
ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON
THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL
BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I
FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING
LEARNED!!!!
Is this not the greatest image your mind has endeavored to
conceive? A forty-something Christian Fletcher — covered
tip-to-tip in tattoos and riding a fluorescent dildo of a
surfboard — purposefully sitting on the inside-third of a world
class wave with the sole intention of snaking five-year-olds? Is
there anything more Fletcher?
Now a word on Christian…
By legitimizing airs in the competitive spectrum, Christian
Fletcher altered our sport’s trajectory both
literally and metaphorically. In that sense, I appreciate what
he’s done for surfing.
But does that mean I have to respect him as a person, or
give credence to his middle-aged immaturity? Of course
not!
If Christian believes that his abusively-depicted
upbringing has led him to become a role model for
groms then, holy shit, that’s actually fucking crazy. I can’t
imagine someone I’d less like to share a lineup with, let alone
influence my nonexistent children. Maybe Wardo. Maybe.
So while he’s right that kids are becoming less respectful
in lineups, it’s important to consider the flip side. Many of the
grumpiest, least tolerable people in lineups grew up in Christian’s
dystopian/utopian era. So did it actually do them any good?
One of the most overlooked aspects here is first-child
syndrome. Parents are typically extra-careful with their firstborn
— something about the evolutionary drive to pass on their DNA to
future generations — but by the time the Kid Two comes around, they
usually realize he’ll be fine with a little less
“parenting”. The end result is Kid Two gets to attend parties,
watch rated-R films, and have more fun.
Naturally, this causes jealousy in Kid One. “Why can Tommy go to
concerts? He’s only fifteen! I had to wait until I was seventeen!”
he can be heard shouting from community college.
Maybe old guys are just jealous they couldn’t catch set
waves when they were fifteen?
Southern California needs you, oh Lucky Country, to
navigate this brave new world!
And oh my goodness. Southern California is not
used to this sort of shark activity. First a lady gets her leg ripped
off at Church, then a bunch of whites frolic at Lowers
and now a shark has chased the Seaside, in Cardiff-by-the-Sea,
lineup straight to the parking lot. Seaside! The only shark Seaside
usually has is the elusive tan shark (Rob Machado).
Australia, please help! You have massive shark populations both
east and west. You know how to work it.
I think we especially need help with the aesthetics here. I
think they’re called “optics” in politispeak. What are the proper
optics around a shark invasion? What are we supposed to do in order
to be safe and cool? I’ll list my questions
succinctly.
When a shark comes into the lineup do you yell “shark” in a low
voice, a high voice or not at all?
When paddling in do you make funny jokes about getting chomped
or keep a somber quiet tone or do you not paddle in?
Is it uncool to say, “I hope a shark eats you” to a person that
just snaked or burned?
If a shark swims close but doesn’t show its teeth is it ok to
pet?
If a shark’s tail is between its legs does it mean it is
afraid and you can tell it to shoo?
If a good wave is coming in but you are not in position is it
ok to yell “shark” in order to get position?
If you are hazing a grom by holding his head under water and a
shark bites it off are you liable or does this sort of thing just
fall under the “grom had no respect” rule?
If you are in position and a bomb is coming but a shark is
ready to shoulder hop do you hoot it off or just let it take the
wave?
If you see a shark heading straight for a SUP do you say
anything?
When on the beach, or parking lot, after getting chased in by a
shark is it cool to leave your wetsuit on all the way or better to
strip it down to waist?
When chased in by the elusive tan shark (Rob Machado) is it
cool to get a tattoo commemorating the event?
That’s all for now but I’m sure I’ll have more after a few
drinks.
Scottish man survives 32 hours floating in the
Irish Sea then quits!
Do you recall the thrilling tale of the
Scottish surfer who survived a
mid-morning session at his local Scottish break and
then got in a rip and sucked all the way to Ireland? 32 hours
bobbing and paddling and thinking he was going to die.
But he didn’t die!
He was saved and it is truly a beautiful story. Let’s read from
the
BBC:
The 23-year-old told BBC Scotland’s Jackie Bird how it had
started as “just a normal day”.
He said he had driven to Westport car park in the Kintyre
peninsula on Sunday morning, waxed his surfboard then gone into the
sea about 11:00 to catch some waves. The day soon turned into a
nightmare and he began to panic as tides and winds carried him out
to sea.
“The wind and water was just relentless,” he said.
At one point he got back to within about a mile of land,
only for the tide to change direction.
“It got to the point where my paddling was ineffective, but
I was doing it to keep myself warm.”
If he had been surfing he said he might have stayed in the
water for about four hours, but now the sun was setting and he was
carried further out to sea. He described how deep fear set in when
night fell. “It was incredibly lonely and quiet because there was
just nothing – just waves,” he said. “I hadn’t seen any
helicopters.
“I was thinking I was going to die – I was almost convinced.
“I didn’t think I would see sunrise.”
Mr Bryce said he then saw ships, and since he was well out
of the coastguard search area, he decided to try and get into a
shipping lane in the hope someone might see him.
He continued to paddle towards the ships through the
night.By daylight he was starting to pass out and fall off his
board.He continued to drift through the day and as night approached
again he said he was resigned for death.
“I knew I wasn’t going to make another night, so I was
watching the sunset,” he said. “Then a helicopter flew over
me.”
He says it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen and I
can just imagine! His mother was, of course, beyond thrilled. She
told the BBC that discussions had already started within her family
as to who would go identify the body when the call finally came.
When it did come, and it was revealed her boy was alive, she was
overcome with the most wonderful emotion.
He also told his mother, when she came to visit his Belfast
hospital room, that he would never surf again. Do you think that’s
just the hypothermia talking? It is rare in these sorts of surfing
survival stories to hear the victim claim that they’re giving up
the Sport of Kings. I mean… what would it take for you to stop
surfing? I’ve been thinking about this lately and I can’t really
imagine a thing. Oh, I don’t write this to point out my superiority
over dear Matt Bryce. If anything it is a major problem for me and
you too.
We are rotten addicts and we act like it.
The thing I wonder most, though, is what wetsuit he was wearing.
It wins BeachGrit Wetsuit of the Year even if it’s Rip
Curl! The brand could start a new line called Rip Current for those
most likely to get sucked out to sea!
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RIDING GIANTS, Laird Hamilton surfs Teahupoo in Tahiti,
2004, (c) Sony Pictures Classics
Wipe everything but Riding Giants off my hard-drive
says king of surf history!
A word about Matt Warshaw. He don’t
exaggerate. So when the former Z-Boys skater-surfer and mag editor
turned surf historian says a surf movie changed his life and the
movie is Stacey Peralta’s 2004 mainstream
documentary, Riding Giants, well, don’t it
just make you distend your nostrils.
A call here, a call there, emails back and forth.
Now let’s reveal Warshaw’s reasons why Riding Giants is
his perennnial candy.
BeachGrit: Tell me: how did the most unappealing member
of the otherwise cock-swinging Zephyr skate team, stringy haired
Stacey Peralta, become the king of surf documentaries?
Warshaw: Stacy and I weren’t quite the Z-Boy charity cases, but
almost. Like we had maybe half the talent and one-quarter the
charisma of Jay Adams and Tony Alva. Those guys looked fast and
stylish in any situation, cool as fuck just walking into the
kitchen to make a sandwich. Me and Stacy, it was pretty much down
to our awesome long hair, and the fact that we tried harder, surfed
longer, practised more, until we were at least not embarrassing
ourself around our betters. To be close to greatness, but not great
yourself, and to know that you’re not great, and hate that terrible
fact — is exactly what you want for long-term success. Stacy is
fucking relentless. His work ethic is off the chart. He surrounds
himself with the best people. He backdoored his way to greatness,
and I say that with the utmost respect, cause I know how much
effort it took.
BeachGrit: Y’think Riding Giants matters?
Warshaw: Endless Summer, Riding Giants and
Surfwise. Wipe every surf movie off my hard drive, but
leave those three.
Stacy is fucking relentless. His work ethic is off the chart. He
surrounds himself with the best people. He backdoored his way to
greatness, and I say that with the utmost respect, cause I know how
much effort it took.
BeachGrit: Riding Giants serves, to me, as a
textbook to remind us how Laird and Darrick and the rest of the
“Strapped Boys” opened the door to Jaws and so forth. Paint a
little picture, for me, of the effect tow had on surfing in the
late nineties…
Warshaw: Big-wave surfing never changed. Ever. For so many
years. Which in a way was fine, because it was so knife-edge, so
simple. Just the huge wall, and all you’re trying to do is track it
down, catch it, get to your feet, and make it to the bottom. That
was the whole deal, from the early ‘50s to the early ‘90s, and it
was so hard to do, and there was a limit to how big you could go.
Like, 25 feet, 30 feet, whatever you want to call it. But you know,
it was also kind of boring too. The rest of surfing advanced by
leaps and bounds, while the big-wave deal is pretty much the same
year after year, decade after decade. Tow surfing, and Laird
especially, as soon they ditched the Zodiac and went with skis, and
made the boards tiny — I mean, “next level” doesn’t even begin to
describe it. It look animated. It looked fake. And it happened so
fast, two years, maybe three, and not only are they riding waves
half again bigger than anything ever ridden, but Laird was carving
Jaws like it was six-foot Honolua. It made you dizzy to watch. It
made me insanely jealous in a way that traditional big-wave surfing
never did, because they were surfing, not just surviving. I do
think something was lost in that it was so easy to catch waves, and
because suddenly they were riding a hundred big waves for every one
big wave ridden in the ‘80s. But for a couple years there we were
all just kind of stunned.
To be close to greatness, but not great yourself, and to know
that you’re not great, and hate that terrible fact — is exactly
what you want for long-term success.
BeachGrit: Speaking of Laird, isn’t it a mark of
how far big-waving has come when his famous millennial wave at
Teahupoo looks almost… easy.
Warshaw: It’s like Phil Edwards’ first wave at Pipe, which was
the millennial wave of it’s time, and you watch it now and it’s
really just a nice easy chip-in six-footer.
Tow surfing? I mean, “next level” doesn’t even begin to
describe it. It look animated. It looked fake. And it happened so
fast, two years, maybe three, and not only are they riding waves
half again bigger than anything ever ridden, but Laird was carving
Jaws like it was six-foot Honolua. It made you dizzy to watch. It
made me insanely jealous in a way that traditional big-wave surfing
never did
BeachGrit: And isn’t Laird fabulous in front of the
camera, the way he sits, silent, after the wave, soaked in his
cosmic awesomeness.
Warshaw: I entertain the same little fantasy with Laird as I
do with Kelly, which is, How cool would it have been to just hang
it up right there, right at the very fucking top?
BeachGrit:What’s with the fantasy of quitting at the top
of your game? Isn’t it better to go down in flames of shame long
past your use-by date? And tell, when is Kelly’s use-by date? Has
it arrived, when did it happen, or is it still to
come?
Warshaw: Mark Richards won his fourth title, leaned into the mic at
the awards banquet and said he was “done busting down doors,” waved
goodbye, flew home to marry his girlfriend and start a family and
get on with his life That level of classiness imprinted on me in a
big way. I once wrote that Kelly should have quit after number 10,
then felt stupid cause he got number 11. But lately I’m thinking,
yeah, he should have pulled an MR after 10. A nice round
number.
BeachGrit: Do you have a favourite quote within?
Mine is Greg Noll’s, you have a fifty-fifty chance of dying,
when you surf big waves. Was Greg always the crown prince of
hyperbole?
Warshaw: Untouchable. The first section of Riding
Giants, Greg’s section, to me is so much better than Jeff
Clark’s section and Laird’s section. Some little part of me is
laughing at how high Noll’s ratio of bullshit is, but mostly I’m
just grateful to be along for the ride. I remember interviewing him
in the ‘80s about that famous big day at Makaha and he’s telling me
about how he’s sitting in the lineup, all alone, and the waves
grinding down the coast from Keana Point towards him, so huge that
the water droplets on his board were dancing. I mean, he’s gone
full Jurassic Park, years before Jurassic Park. Greg Noll is a huge
blowhard, and I love him to death.
BeachGrit: Tell me: any historical
inaccuracies?
Warshaw: Yeah, but not worth listing. Stacy made the choice to
not include like 97% of all big-wave riders. It was pretty much
just Greg, Jeff, and Laird. But that’s partly why the film worked
so well, by focusing in on just three surfers.
BeachGrit: Riding Giants was made in 2004. Also
tell me, the most significant moments in big-wave
since.
Warshaw: All the slab insanity. The huge Cloudbreak Day,
during the CT contest, a few years back. And then of course eight
or ten Shane Dorian waves, which together are my favorite big-wave
thing of the past 10 years, probably because Dorian’s approach is
old and new at the same time. Take Greg Noll plus Brock plus Slater
– that’s Shane Dorian.
