Pushing this stubborn mule of a contest over the hump into a manageable finals day…
Four heats of round four completed in a somnolent South Pacific. Pushing this stubborn mule of a contest over the hump into a manageable Finals Day.
Anything to learn? Maybe an upgrade of the finals call from Kennedy/Wilkinson to Bourez/Wilkinson. Wilko looks sharp, looks tight. If it’s barrelling he can go in low and slow, like he did against JJF last year and come out with drama. I’s a Tommy Carroll line.
Horrible day here, flood rain and a howling wind from the south-east courtesy of an ill-tempered storm just to seaward, but I had to wash the computer grime off me so I went for a surf at the Pass. Someone I knew (a BeachGrit commenter?) yelled at me:,“Oi Longbong, no more fucking littry talk, stick to the facts”.
Nick Dee was that you? Memories of the time one of the honchos from the (then) ASP, accompanied by security (the now departed Woody, bless his soul), pulled me out of the press room at Bells to inform me that people in high places had taken exception to the tone of my coverage.
I gave him the Rosie Hodge defence.
“I was just trying to offer a ‘point of difference’, your honour.”
Aren’t her and Ronnie are making a beautiful team, even if her Californian inspired high self-esteem therapy speak becomes a little cloying at times. I pine for her to take the advice Kevin Spacey’s character President Frank offered his wife in House of Cards: “Put some steel back into your game.”
Yesterday’s comments led me to my daily focus of five minutes on insider/access journalism, usually performed by the good soldiers and true believers of pro surfing whose instincts, inasmuch as we can divine them, are to protect rather than reveal to hinder our understanding if it contrasts too sharply from the official narrative.
As Nick Carroll constantly reminded us in his biography of Tom Carroll when referencing the drug culture on Tour, “ I didn’t write about the drugs.”
Who can blame him? Who would? Who would destroy relationships and the cosy, clubby atmosphere of being amongst friends and equals – of being accepted – by lifting the carpet and counting the scuttling cockroaches that fled from the light? Better to look away and be a myth-maker.
It’s why the best writing about surfing always comes from outside the inner circle. Our beloved Fred Pawle got a Pulitzer for his expose on Sarge or was it a Walkley for his story about gay tour surfer Matt Branson? Same difference.
Goddamm it, I just wasted a half hour on this tight deadline thumbing my paperback copy of Hunter Thompson’s greatest book, The Great Shark Hunt, looking for the quote where Hunter describes just this clubby band of insider journalists and how they end up becoming good Germans and useful idiots.
Ah, here it is! Take it away Hunter.
“The most consistent and ultimately damaging failure of surf* journalism in America has it’s roots in the clubby/cocktail personal relationships that inevitably develop between politicians and journalists… When professional antagonists become after hours drinking buddies they are not likely to turn each other in… especially not for minor infractions of rules that neither side takes seriously; and on the rare occasions when minor infractions suddenly become major there is panic at both ends”.
Surf journalists as PR agents for pro surfers. Coaches as commentators. A sport that was handed over without a cent to an opaque organisation financed by a reclusive billionaire to be bleached and whitewashed to within an inch of its life, a blind eye turned to human catastrophes like Sarge’s sexual predation and AI. This is a sport that has had conflict of interest baked into it for so long it’s forgotten it’s there.
Thing is though, as Chas Smith showed in Welcome to Paradise now Go to Hell (shamefully, I’ve only read the free excerpts), we can all stomach the truth better than a handful of lies.
Enough? No Nick Dee, the joos aren’t to blame. Great times, the greatest to be a surf journalist!
We can write the truth and we only have libel laws to fear.
And being unable to visit Hawaii. And being coward punched by someone we pissed off.
And, ah, our own cowardice. And stuff. Miaow.
Tune in tomorrow for the Finals Wrap sports fans.
*He said political.
Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 14.27, Julian Wilson (AUS) 13.93, Ian Gouveia (BRA) 10.40
Heat 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) 15.73, Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 10.77, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 8.50
Heat 3: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 13.66, Joan Duru (FRA) 13.50, Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.83
Heat 4: Bede Durbidge (AUS) 11.10, Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 5.54, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 4.67
Round 5 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
Heat 2: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 3: Joan Duru (FRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 4: Stuart Kennedy (AUS) vs. Joel Parkinson (AUS)
the people want scandal! if all one cares about are the air-brushed photos and videos and aint’-life-swell shots of our surf heroes, then the official sites will do nicely.
every surf writer who isn’t getting paid by the Industry should do his best to be honest (but if The Man isn’t paying you, who is?)
i’d turn it around — surfers aren’t interesting enough for anybody to give a fuck about UNLESS you go beyond whats happening in the water. otherwise its just clips with no storylines.
as for analogies with other sports/sportswriting, the closest relative would be boxing. no real League, no single playing field – everyone essentially a free agent, making whatever fights he and his promoters/sponsors can negotiate. difference being that fighters could make money just from fighting while surfers still need to represent some sort of Brand
Remember MC’s magnificent analysis of the Rookies pre the wsl season? Longtom chipped in as well! We are blessed to have such surf journalism experts give us their wisdom via bg!!
People love dirt, but they NEED myth.
dear don’t,
you must understand, smugness is the raison d’être of surfing! what is surfing without THE SMUG!? and you do yourself a disservice, you do have a dog directly in the fight. you are us. we are you. together we are surfing. we know you aren’t sean (wink, wink). together we will raise up surf journalism to dizzying heights and from there derek reilly and his puppy chas can throw us under the bus to become michael ciaramella skidmarks. it is where surfing belongs … in our well-worn jocks. ask rory.
Hi sean!
See Bryan Curtis. Eric Nusbaum. Wright Thompson. Jacquelin Magnay. Kate Fagan, and see Don Van Natta, Jr.’s The Secret Life of Tiger Woods – a master class in how to figure out a subject who wants nothing to do with the journo. none write about the bros getting drunk together.
Longbong’s experiment failed because it needed investment and my publicity – sadly i was too late to the party – to get the traction that would have led to longevity. instead, he has had to come join the yahoos at bg and have nick carroll try and steal his thunder by linking to your articles. which, while mildly amusing take us nowhere near the machinations of the professional surfing machine. but you are young, sort of. i look forward to the day you are cast aside, drink the rum, and burn those bridges down with all the gasoline in qatar!
This article was the greatest non-sequitor story in BeachGrit history.
But Nik Karol said “reach around”…twice…so it was probably worth the read.
well,,,, it don’t get much than longtom…. and this article’s only shark reference was from a Hunter S. Thompson book (did DR ‘recommend’ this? In, like, a north Jersey italian kinda way??)
My, my. Someone’s smarting. Or “shots fired” in the vogue parlance of The Youth.
Thumb away, Longtom, thumb away. And remember it was you who chose to tackle swine whilst armed only with pearls.
Surfers are concerned primarily with gazing at navels. Only the weirdos care about truth or depth, and no-one gives a flying fuck about them.
And anyway, nevermind all that shite, you do have to give it to Doherty.
Sleeping under Mick’s bed on Namotu can certainly add a level of personal insight to a story. Regardless, it was funny…
Julian will win this clusterfuck. As for journalism, not just surf, it’s always been a profession of circle jerking and reach arounds. Those who join in get the access to what they want, those who won’t/can’t/refuse to join in are kicked to the very fringes. And that my dear friends is more often than not where the truth resides.
and you know this how?
My business card once proudly stated “Journalist”. Then it eventually stated “Editor”. Happily it now states something else. Up to you to judge whether I joined in the circle jerk or not. As we are more than happy to judge you.
You were an “Editor”? you poor bastard.
Yes, I’ve never been a pig on a spit but I can certainly empathise…
Good insight again – been driving for 2 days!!
Did they actually have any waves after the first 2 days?? They blew it big time going on hold. As usual all momentum is lost!!!!
I did see Rosie pull out a marker pen and highlight all the surrounding spots that she said had been firing!!! Maybe they need to be able to move it around if needed for winds etc. – they are in boats anyway??
ha ha ha
http://www.coastalwatch.com…
Coastalwatch struggling for clicks so send nc here to get my feedback. Well it aint going to happen my heart is longbongs
My next piece of feedback is stop surfing the pass or you may start smelling like patchouli and cigarettes and getting tangled up in a beaver tail and lose your back fin.
I was riding a finless board, acceptable?
Only if you have one eye and enjoy listening to that galaxie 500 dross.
Surely sir, you jest!
no jest and don’t call me shirley.
alaia or?
or
ha ha wise, maybe! my dude has an alaia habit. his current nickname is splinters. they’re lovely, but not that durable, really.
Probably not….especially if you used a legrope !
I hope Sean Doherty is near Nick Carroll ready to roll out the Heinrich manoeuvre if he chokes while eating his hat.
Ever noticed you never see them together. Spooky. Or …
What’s the Heinrich manoeuver? Is there now a German on tour? Or is his name actually Heimlich?
MC’s cat would be getting the shit kicked out of it by now!!