Surfer on the inside either yells Go! or No! What do you do?
Excuse my silence and not to rub it in but I am on a surf trip to deep southern Mexico with a busted computer. Yesterday I surfed one of the best right points of my life and ooooo-ee!
Pure ecstasy.
I can’t say, with any real certainty, how big it was. Head-and-a-half on the sets? I can say that when paddling, catching, looking down the line I felt like I was in some grand surf movie and did my best mid-face cutbacks that would have garnered at least a 2.7 on the World Championship Tour.
At the very least.
There were maybe 15 other expat surfers in the water, most American, and since the waves were so good, and so plentiful, the mood was light. Much banter. Many laughs.
On one wave in particular a talented blonde carrying a few extra beers in his midsection came flying down the line. He had caught the wave at the tip of the point and it was lining up almost perfectly with a mid section rising up to form its own peak. My good friend was giving this slight variation a good natured paddle, just in case, when the blonde shouted what sounded like “oh!”
The eternal dilemma!
Did he shout “go!” or “no!”
My good friend pulled back and the blonde came popping over the back of the wave too holding his hands in the air like “why didn’t you go?”
My good friend answered, “I didn’t know if you were yelling “go” or “no.”
The blonde said, “Go! Totally snake me out here. Who gives a fuck?”
Such a fine attitude but also it is time to put the “no” “go” dilemma to bed forever. Let’s never yell “no” again. Let’s yell “fuck” or “shit” or something one syllable but guttural for “no” and keep “go” as the invitation to share.
Don’t you think this is a good plan?
I always stick to “go” or “oi cunt get off me fucken wave!” gets used quite a bit out snapper
I usually go with a demented, blood-curdling “HEY!” screamed out a full three octaves higher than my normal voice with a warbling shrill inserted for max creepiness.
No one ever say’s no, anything you hear other than a hoot, whistle, or a hey is an invitation to “GO!”
Round ‘ere it’s always a whistle or a shouted obscenity rather than “no”. But then again, if you’re speaking English in the line-up around here you might as well be shouting “Take my wave, kind sir/madam/little grom, I implore thee!”
Is this not why semaphore was invented?
A boldly waved “Keep clear of me; I am maneuvering with difficulty” or “My vessel is stopped and making no way through the water” would solve many an adult learner collision, while a firm “Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals” should stop that speculative shoulder paddler in his tracks. Goatboaters looking for acceptance may want to fly “I am disabled; communicate with me” while the single gentleman may prefer “I require a tug”.
Who knows, perhaps one of those exciting new wetsuit manufacturers will be first to bring the Flag Pouch to market, kickstarting a whole new era of dialogue in the lineup
(with apologies to Richard Flanagan)
What kind of degenerate ever calls another degenerate into a wave the former degenerate is up and riding upon? They sure as fuck don’t make surfers like they used to.
Was it Wardo?
Was this before the 30 SUV’s and hummer arrived?
So true!
Are you and Mike C in competition for the most pedestrian surf trip reframed as an epic adventure?
Oh I’m not framing as epic adventure at all and only mentioned surf trip to explain relative silence.
was there trouble at home or blessings all around?
No trouble! Unfortunately squalls arrived so one day of surf. Three days and counting of looking out the window.
Can we crowdfund a trip for MC to the Middle East so he figures this one out?
Completely off topic, but would love an article from the Grit, a compilation of ASP’s & WSL’s worst ever judging calls, with links to YouTube for viewing pleasure. Perhaps start with Bourez’s 8 second tube for score of 6.10, ADS’s Floatergate, Gabby’s Pipe Air etc etc
Then the Grit faithful could unbiasedly (or with bias) score each wave themselves
no surf trip to a tropical place is interesting. it’s like looking at somebody else’s baby pics/hearing about somebody else’s baby.
For real, I’m all about where I’m surfing on any given day. I ain’t trying to change nobody else’s kid’s diapers.
Chas, I agree, never shout no. Sorry about your board with the word pride on it getting chomped.
I propose don’t ever yell anything while actually surfing.
That’s because you are always the one being yelled at. Goddamn carrolls
You need to surf Byron, Snapper or Noosa more often. The strong silent types end up sharing lots of waves.
You’re right! Them damn yellers outta take their game to the wave pools! Which begs the question, will symmetry in wave delivery at wave pools eliminate yellers? I say no. Precision yelling is the future of surfing. What the fuck will priority mean in a wave pool? An intrical part of strategy may leave the sport altogether.
This is usually me until some bro blatantly drops in on me and I sorta squeak out hey like I totally mean it. Oops.
I propose “GO” or “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” took a liberty with the one syllable rule
Howsabout “F’COFF!!!” ?
I wouldn’t have gone (purposely) either. I’m far too polite and not keen to start sliding down the oily moral slope of dropping in on anyone.
So far.
However I would propose a crack squad of goons to counter the step-in squad at Snapper etc. The cry goes up at the spot, and an elite team mobilise with SUPS / boogers/ Longboards etc. to royally piss off the over-entitled jet-ski gang.
great idea for a reality TV show
Or like a ‘prankster’ type show where they actually act like heroes instead of assholes.
Perhaps a caped crusader called “S.U.P. CUNT”
“PROTECTOR OF DA PEOPLES.”