Bizarre scoring coming out of Fiji has only one remedy. Me! And you!
The Outherknown Fiji Pro is on RIGHT NOW and what a great joy it is. The waves are almost in the very good range. Martin “Pottz” Potter has found some sort of digital pen and can now draw on the webcast like the great John Madden used to draw on your TV.
And the judges! They still fucking suck!
I’m sorry to have to say it but at this point it is just plain self evident. Let us take heat 5 of round 1 as a very bland but standard example of their incompetence. Jordy Smith vs. Yago Dora vs. Jack Freestone. Jordy Smith caught a not very big wave in the first few minutes, threw a meaty turn and was scored…
6.33.
One turn. Near the beginning. High-ish score. And the rest of the heat was fairly fucked though it didn’t really matter at the end as neither Yago nor Freestone did much.
But still.
I knew that 6.33 was too high for one turn at Cloudbreak. You knew that 6.33 was too high for one turn at Cloudbreak on a day featuring almost very good surf near the beginning of a heat. Which makes me think the judges need us! They’ve lost all touch!
And how easy would it be for the judging crew before locking in the final score to throw to the BeachGrit comment section real quick? Just a…
“Hey guys. We think Jordy got a 6.33 for that one turn. Yeah?”
And we’d respond…
“What the hell? Try no. It’s still way too early in the heat to score a one turn wave. Give him a 5.23.”
And all would be right with the World Surf League again. We’d even do it for like…. a case of whisky.
Am I right?
We can all dream.
O’Leary got a bit wroughted on his score. Bourez added a new technique. The girls put on a wipeout and sketch out clinic. And I’m pretty sure I heard Gigs say that someone went through some departments referring to a tube. And Kelly’s heat was not OK.
No, not a case of whiskey. I did some things once for a case of whiskey that have become my Vietnam.
“And the rest of the heat was fairly fucked though it didn’t really matter at the end as neither Yago nor Freestone did much.”
Soo, your saying the right person won? I know its hard to create good writing content on the daily but this feels like you are fishing for an injustice that is this case doesn’t exist outside of this echo chamber.
As I understand it, WSL scoring has a scale that is reset every heat and Jordy’s TWO turn wave would be the reference/scale to any other score the rest of the heat. How is this puzzling to you?
If Tony Robbins read this piece he would ask you,
“Chas, what is this really about? I get a feeling you aren’t really this upset over the Jordy score? Now tell me which one of the judges hurt your feelings so I can help you move on before you incoherently lash out at them again again.”
-to your point about live polling of scores from viewers, I think that is the future of watching and eventually impacting a heat. No one is doing it yet so might as well do it here where you can have a laugh whilst watching since today, other than the M bourez heat, was a pretty sleepy round one for waves.
I hope you and the judges can one day reconcile your differences cuz they ain’t going no where. They get less love than cops and thats saying something in 2017!
Oh man, Kelly and Mick’s heat was… sad.
World’s best surfers in the world’s best waves? It looks like sectioned off shit and tubes pinching shut… very compelling viewing
not anymore
Commentary is on point ☝️ Think it was Pottz, “Looking for the exit, but he can’t find the Dora…”. Excellent work.
Chas scoring totally fucked even JJF incomplete was given 8.17 WTF yeah committed BUT!!
Can you tell me where Turps is?? Pottz and Gigs doesn’t cut it.
I am fucking missing him
Joe’s Dad passed away. Doing what a good son does is what he’s doing.
oh ok well that sucks then and RIP. hadn’t heard them say anything
I think it’s the WSL’s job to judge surfing contests in an inconceivable fashion, not to announce the death of their staff’s family and friends. Could be wrong but!
Yeah but you think if he part of the “team” and family be good to know something – thought he just sacked.
But yes back to the confusion now!
I think every parent just wants their kids to be able to provide for themselves and live a well adjusted life. Joe needs to get back to work.
Fuck Turps
“Joe Turpel here with ’89 World Champ Martin Potter. Robot talk Robot Robot talk”
Gigs is funny as fuck if ya allow it.
Looks to activate this wave, engaging tunnel time …
I’m warming to Gigs
Fuck Gigs!
Gigs has quite a history at the ISA games. Almost as many kneeboard world titles as Ke11y.
I just find his accent annoying (sorry Zaffas) but I’m pretty sure it isn’t beyond most Zaffas to actually learn how to pronounce foreign names correctly. He keeps saying Migal Pupo… isn’t E part of the Boer alphabet?
Maybe its just Pottz then – maybe he only gels with Turps???
I will listen to Gigs harder – yeah like the “engaging tunnel time” calls must say
Wish Pottz would stop repeatedly saying commonly known surfing facts. I think everyone watching who surfs knows what a foam ball is
I’m liking most of Rosy’s commentary, hope they keep her on full time
I like how she says ” there’s a lot of milk on the face “
Remember when gigs said john john was “going downtown for a deep throat” haha…it was during the 2016 brazil event… and then when i watched the same wave in johns twelve series gigs commentary had mysteriously been removed??! Erased from the history books.
Maybe it’s Kneeboarder lingo?
Hope they keep Rosy full time, enjoyed her commentary
Agreed that Gigs is a bag of “shut” but missing Turdpail is a sure sign of dementia. Turdpail can go commentate horse races or Cricket games, pleaaaase.
Was at a boring as bat fuck conference last year. Mints in a bowl, free pens, a glass of wine with lunch etc. The boring as bat fuck man who was boring us at the time allowed us to log into some app on our phones. We could type live questions and comments onto a screen that appeared behind him. Oh what fun we had! The WSL could allow their 180 or so viewers to post live scores using a simpler scoring scale. If the average score was different to the scores the judges gave, the score would be over ridden. Crowd participation! What a thrill! Couldn’t be worse than what’s happening at the moment. I’d have given the Fijian in JJFs heat a 10 for attempting to hang five on that tube ride.
Boring? There were free pens, for fuck’s sake! What more do you want?
Its clearly implied. More pens, less bat fuck.