Michael Phelps (foreground) plays "shark" with pal.
Michael Phelps (foreground) plays "shark" with pal.

Michael Phelps: “The shark is my bitch!”

The world's fastest swimmer set to take on the world's meanest swimmer!

The world’s most decorated and maybe fastest swimmer has stepped into the ring for surfers everywhere in order to challenge the supremacy of the Great White Shark.

That’s right!

When the World Surf League heads to J-Bay, site of Mick Fanning’s love tap from the ocean’s most feared predator, Michael Phelps will be heading to… somewhere to swim against a great white. The press release tells us:

They are one of the fastest and most efficient predators on the planet: Sharks. He is our greatest champion to ever get in the water: Michael Phelps. 39 world records. 23 Olympic golds. But he has one competition left to win. An event so monumental no one has ever attempted it before. The world’s most decorated athlete takes on the ocean’s most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark – the race is on!

I have no idea how this will work. Will Michael Phelps and Great White Shark be in a swimming pool together? Maybe the salt water pool in Bondi? Will Michael Phelps swim in a cage? Should we watch a monotone news thing?

Etc.

Who is your money on? Mick Fanning or Connor Leary? I mean Evel Knievel or the Grand Canyon. I mean Floyd Mayweather or Connor O’Leary. I mean…. sorry. I’m drunk.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
11 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
channelbottom
channelbottom
9 years ago

“According to ESPN, Michael Phelps’ swimming speed capped off at about 6 miles per hour in 2010. “

Great white shark, Adult swimming speed: 50KP/h or 31.0686 MPH

Sorry Mikey, it’s those poppers talking.

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
9 years ago

Phelps smokes a heap of pot right?

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

It’s the only way being in the same room as Ryan Lochte is tolerable.

Otto
Otto
9 years ago

This article is a clear symptom of Laird withdrawal. Try increasing your dosage of metha-done-with-Laird. Or, feel liberated and free-base jump sans parachute off the wagon and sink once again into the silky trainspotting arms of 100% pure Laird.

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
9 years ago

I was convinced I was on the wrong web site for a moment just then.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago

Of all the things you apologise for, it’s drunkeness in front of a laptop? If that was a crime, the court system worldwide would be overrun with the BG commentariat.

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago

The word of the day is ‘commentariat’ kids

SURF
SURF
9 years ago

Floyd mayweather but I’ll still have some cash on mcgregor

?uzzled
?uzzled
9 years ago

Yup. More softcore gay porn from Chaz.

This “article” did not need to be written.

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago
Reply to  ?uzzled

Settle petal

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
9 years ago

“You’re already drunk? Wait a sec…”

*looks at clock, it’s past 6:00*

“Why am I not drunk?”


11
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x