Revealed: YOU are a WSL judge!

Blind, confused, easily twisted, into strange genres of pornography!

Oh how I thought the surfboard logo-off was going to be simple, clean, true and unclouded by personal bias. Unsullied by poor choice. If you are new to BeachGrit or haven’t been around for a few days, catch up on the most innovative surf contest ever to be held here.

The Battle of the Brands was supposed to be the antithesis of a World Surf League contest. The WSL is the most wonderful league of all, we can now agree, but has been soiled by very poor judging this year. Don’t you think? Like, ludicrously poor. Like, you or I could smoke it if given the reins dropping near perfect scores every single time in every single heat.

But then look at what you went and did. You just voted Maurice Cole’s logo over Chilli’s logo in a total landslide!

Let us revisit the RULES.

We ain’t talking the performance of the board, the price, the selection etc. etc. No. This battle is purely about logos.

So you folk are telling me this.

totally and completely crushes this.

That’s what you’re telling me?

Our own Mullet voted, writing: “I like the chilli, but the paw print takes it for me. It looks like a really fat person cheering.” And I’ll except his as an outlier. Do you recall when Adriano de Souza’s floater was scored an 8 or 9 or something, beating Owen Wright? Let’s refresh our memories!

Billabong Men Rio Pro - Quarterfinals Heat 4 - Highlights

Now, in this particular instance I could see how two or three of the judges were inexplicably kinky for floaters. Floaters just getting them super hot and horny in the same way fat people cheering get Mullet super hot and horny. So Mullet’s vote stands.

But the rest of you. Look at the logos again and remember this has nothing to do with shaper nor board nor performance nor price nor nationality nor ethnicity. Only logo. Do you still give the landslide victory to Morris Cole?

Is judging really an impossible thing to do?

Should we all go way lighter on the WSL judges or should we all go way heavier on each other? And I’m not talking “heavier” as in fatty porn, Mullet. I’m talking more brutal. More aggressive.

Which one?

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Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago

*Maurice.

Shit, now I’m a spelling nazi…

Otto
Otto
9 years ago

Wild Card Entry

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Ami Lost
Ami Lost
9 years ago

Not sure if that 10 from the Asian judge wasn’t for Chilli Chinailli
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Ami Lost

looks like its an Asian co?

Ami Lost
Ami Lost
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Screen shot from linkedin.com of an Australian’s work experience at Chilli Surfboards. He parlayed it into a career outside the surf industry after he taught the China boys how to make Chilli Surfboards for the masses. Not sure if that makes it a Chinese company now or still an Australian one.

Neal Kearney
Neal Kearney
9 years ago

My question…if they find ol Jezzy while in the slammer, then write him off after getting out and losing a limb in a homemade Meth lab explosion, then gets sent back to prison– can a born again, be born again? Or is a limited time offer?

Manuka
Manuka
9 years ago

“Look at the logos again and remember this has nothing to do with shaper nor board nor performance nor price nor nationality nor ethnicity. “
Judging logos based on the outlines above is like asking WSL judges to not judge wave size.

Kennypowersmullet
Kennypowersmullet
9 years ago

If your one of the indo groms running around Kuta telling Chicks their dicks small but spicy 🌶 Then chilli wins. I liked mc’s teddy bear more than the paw but the paw still wins for me.

Goodbye Horses
Goodbye Horses
9 years ago

Don’t like either, I voted for MC because he used to have a mediocrely cool logo (below) https://uploads.disquscdn.c… . This is exactly what a WSL judge would’ve done; in a tie the surfer with the highest single wave score wins. His more modern Mickey Dee’s colored circular minimal paw print logo looks like a dumbass brain teaser on the back of a cereal box, “How many circles do you see?”

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago

White Jesus vs Brazilian Jesus

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago

Never knew about the Al Merrick Christian Fish Signature before. Weird. Each to their own set of absurd beliefs, myself included

“Though the type of Christian impact Ballard and others are having upon the surf subculture is more widespread today than ever, it is not altogether new. For 30 years, Al Merrick, one of the premier board shapers in the country, has been sharing God’s love with countless everyday surfers.

In 1972, Al and his wife, Terry, started a small surfboard-manufacturing company in Southern California. Terry sewed and sold surfer attire, and Al quickly gained a reputation for producing some of the best boards on the planet. Since then, his clients have included world champions and surfing legends Tom Curren and Kelly Slater.

The couple has long been known as believers. “We ran a Christian coffee-house in the ’70s. A lot of surfers would hang out there,” Al told Charisma. “We were always talking about Jesus.”

When a customer would come into the shop, Al often would pray with him, then talk about the board design he wanted. Today his Santa Barbara-based Channel Islands Surfboards is the largest surfboard manufacturer in the world. In fact, while the surfing industry slumped in early 2002, Channel Islands thrived.

“The guy who supplies our blanks [the unshaped surfboard core] accused us of hoarding,” Al says with a chuckle. “He said he knew how slow things were. But we really were using that many blanks. We have never been so busy, and I can only attribute it to God’s anointing.”

Often people ask Al what his secret to success is.

“The surfing magazines will not print this,” he told Charisma. “But it is God’s blessings. There is no other explanation.”

Al still shapes five boards a day. He often prays over his products and includes ichthyses (Christian fish symbols) on them.

“I pray for [the surfers],” he says. “I ask God to bless them and to protect them and, if they are not Christians, that they will see Him. I had thought about going into ministry. But God has given me a gift to make surfboards.”

longtom
longtom
9 years ago
Reply to  Jocks

Al found the Lord after doing time for drugs.
He’s not Robinson Crusoe there.

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago
Reply to  longtom

And your Disqus Avatar is Aloha Akbar. Sweet

longtom
longtom
9 years ago
Reply to  Jocks

still waiting for my tee-o

turts
turts
9 years ago

Nah you’ve got this one wrong Chas. That paw print is definitely more aesthetically pleasing. If only for its simplistic symmetry

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago

its unbearable as a logo!

Tostiloco
Tostiloco
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

It does give one pause……

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago

I judge the Chille as it looks like a dildo , and as there are multiple holy Vagina’s in the MC logo , its obvious that the macho Chille dildo fucks the MC Vagina logo because we are all men here right?

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Yeah. Except for the women!

david
david
9 years ago

bright, cheerful and cuddly. just like Mr Cole himself .

slater thenewdonkey
slater thenewdonkey
9 years ago

Chili all day. It is not even close. And screw the judges, they are crooked as fuck.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
9 years ago

I voted Chilli. So since my taste is too good, I’ll never be a WSL judge, thank fuck.

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
9 years ago

MC because it looks like a jolly red alien wearing a gas mask. And I’m into bears.


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