I'm doing this for all of us!
John John Florence is surfing’s greatest talent.
An opinion, maybe, but it’s an opinion shared by most observers, and even ESPN — the American leader in sports broadcasting.
Sometimes a surfing maneuver will make its way onto SportCenter’s Top 10, but it’s usually some throwaway air from the U.S. Open. Point being, ESPN doesn’t generally show more than casual indifference toward our niche sport.
But have we made progress?
Every year, ESPN has an awards show called the ESPYS. This annual gathering celebrates the world’s top athletes across a myriad of disciplines, and this year, surfing is not excluded.
Where do we fit in? Well, there’s a Best Male Action Sports category and it looks like this:
As far as I can tell ESPY awards are decided on a fan-voting basis. Therefore we, as raging surf fanatics, can use our autonomy to sway the results in a direction that will affect us favorably. For the sake of surfers everywhere, I implore you to vote for anyone other than John John Florence.
Counter intuitive? Maybe not. Here’s why:
1. John Florence is good at many things but public speaking ain’t one of them. Can you imagine his acceptance speech to the greater athletic community?
“Woooow… can’t believe I won this award. Super stoked. Last year was really fun, waves were so fun, so I’m just really stoked. Can’t believe I beat these guys, they’re so sick haha. Thank you everyone!”
All of this in a two-sizes too big suit. Surfing don’t need that stigma.
2. ESPN is watched mostly by non-coastal, meat-and-potato Americans. They don’t care about surfing, and that’s a good thing. Unless you’re building a wave pool or own a company like Quiksilver, there’s no upside to drawing masses towards our already-oversaturated sport and culture. The less press we get, the smaller our bubble, the more waves we catch, the more harmonious our existence.
3. How goofy does John look in that photo? The bright colors, the fifth-grade-art-project trophy, the flower crown — surfers really are kinda lame when you think about it. At least skaters look cool.
A vote for John, while laden with noble intentions, is perhaps not in our own best interest. A vote for Nyjah, Mark, or Oyster Bra is a vote for surfing.
the fact a surfer is included in the list means it is too late.
Surfers ain’t all long hairs and doobie smokers, but looking at and listening to John John, you could’ve had me fooled
imagine the disney suits and the jock crowd sitting awkwardly thru mason ho’s acceptance speech.
that’s the triple crown trophy–not some purse john bought for the night. if you think it looks goofy, i’d take it up with the hawaiians who made it. And even if your article is tongue in cheek, I don’t see the point of it. If you don’t want attention drawn to the sport, and you think john’s speech will be goofy, then letting him win should be the best strategy. so your first and second arguments clash with one another. why not just play this one straight, since john is a great guy and could use a little boost right now, given the shit from rio and fiji, i.e. being sent out to surf in QS waves against QS surfers. That round 3 in Fiji was a disaster. I don’t usually complain about WSL decisions but that one was obscene.
Damn, you’ve still got a hard on for John huh? I remember once writing that his win at Haleiwa wasn’t the most important outcome of the event, and you damn near lost your mind. Now you come to BG for… the first time in 6 months (see your last disqus comment) to defend one of the few quasi-negative things said about him on this site.
Are you actually Mom John or do you just secretly wish you were Mom John?
Haha, yeah I think John John will be just fine without our help.
“surfers really are kinda lame when you think about it.”
trust me, you really don’t want to think too hard on this one
this article could potentially add 30-50 more click votes if we get our families on board come on beach grit come on
We all need to do our bit to make surfing un-cool
Wear Fox clothing. Use fluorescent zinc and surf hats even if unnecessary. Surf an oversized Hypto Krypto. Verbally abuse beachgoers while drunk in your oldest crappiest wetsuit. Vandalise. Graffiti shit. Be the best selfish self-centred bastard you can be, burn anyone who looks Inertia
Let’s retake surfing comrades
Just start building boards, after a few years the rashes, headaches, ulcers, arthritis, prostate pains, blood in urine etc. And you’ll know it’s all bullshit. Building Surfboards has made me dislike surfing more than the Brazilian storm.
That’s a pretty heavy dislike
I’m already praying for the scenario of a 2020 Olympics all-out riot by the Brazilian Storm when Medina is robbed in the Gold Medal final
Keep up! I already do all of these things.
Do you live in Perth? Pretty sure you could be a local at my local
Nah. Does Perth get any surf? Aren’t there offshore reefs that block everything?
Yeah no surf in Perth, hence why I thought it might be you hanging out in the car park getting drunk in your wettie while wearing fluro zinc. We have an outrageous amount of car park surfers here
What the hell is a carpark surfer? You get suited up then hang out in the carpark getting drunk talking shit?
You know, those guys that just seem to always be hanging out in the car park talking about how The banks used be so much better, or how the wind isn’t quite right, or how they used to rip. Yet they never seem to actually get in the water.
*Wasn’t saying you were one, just that you’d described one perfectly
Oh yeah, those blokes. Why don’t they just sleep in?
*No offence taken, this is Grit