A fantastic victory leaves me heartbroken.
I tuned in to the last 30 seconds of the Big Wave World Tour Peahi Challenge today and was overcome by immense sadness as Ian Walsh was declared victorious. A full-bodied sadness that began just behind my eyes before moving to my stomach and further extremities.
I was not sad that Ian Walsh won. He is a very kind and good man and is in on this grand joke we’re all playing. I was not sad that I missed all but 30 seconds of the event. Big wave surfing, I have realized over the years is an absolute bore. Swell interval is a real thing and the swells that create big waves are spaced lots far out which means commentators droning on and on and on and on ad nauseam. I think the WSL should hire stand-up comics in between sets. I was not sad that Rory Parker was theoretically “reporting” from a boat in the channel for Stab. He once “reported” from Pipeline for us and it was the end of our relationship. I was not sad that Billy Kemper failed to three-peat. I already let it be known that Ian Walsh is good and fine.
No.
I was sad because big wave surfers seem to enjoy each other’s company more than regular surfers. They seem to even like each other and the entire field paddled over to Ian and gave him true love when the final bell rang. They were so happy for him and happy for each other and happy in general and I was sad because look at us.
We small wave surfers hate each other. We grimace at each other in the lineup. We curse at each other on the sand. We wish a giant epidemic would come and wipe all other surfers from the face of the earth yet somehow spare us and then we would go surf Trestles all by ourselves and do almost average cutbacks and think, “Yeah… smooooooth.”
We are a spiteful bunch. And would you like to do something about it? Would you like to pretend, emotionally, that we are big wave surfers? I’ll make you a deal. Next time I do an almost average cutback can you paddle over to me and hug me and if I’m wearing an inflatable vest can you pull the cord and inflate it in a good natured manner?
I’ll do the same for you and let’s pretend, even if it is only for one day, that we like each other.
Ok?
Chas, I really really like you after reading your book and hearing your podcast where you make me laugh and entertain me soI think, because I surf in San Diego, that I should try to surf with you – but then instantly realize I shouldn’t because I hate you for being someone who surfs near me.
I disagree. The big wave events are the only events, besides pipe, that are worth watching. Well, maybe Fiji and Tahiti as well. Watching endless pickle spins and same same maneuvers is uber boring to me. It’s like watching a college baseball game in the sense that I get that feeling like I could totally play this game. Then a clean up set comes through like a 99 mile an hour fastball and resets my perspective.
I had so much fun surfing with all my new best friends at Rincon today!!!
Huh. No. Didn’t work. I still hate everyone. Oops.
Flick is a beast, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
This has nothing to do with egoism of surfing in small waves, and companionship in big waves.
It means the factor: life risk, what is being done. It generates companionship, whether in life or sport. You are close to and involved with others in a life-threatening activity.
Julian rushed to save Mick in the case of the shark attack, and so on.
I want to see attitude when a person is being lynched by a group, and you have to have attitude to run to help.
This is a lack of selfishness, a noble spirit, a true altruistic desire for help … this few have …
How well do black men get along on a Bronx basketball court? Scarce resources drive competition. You can’t compare war veterans’ camaraderie to paintball players just because they both pull a trigger.
non tubing jaws is for girls
Fuck yeah I’m making shit up. Makes Spring go faster. Hand me the Rip Fuel
Ok
Have you surfed Cardiff? You lose every bit of humane morale.
Sorry…
Did you guys see Nazaré october 21/22?
No?
Go, see It.
Total out, out and out of scale.
Completely bizarre.
Because Felicity Palmateer was out there, that also means Longtom could have surfed Jaws.
That Wild Stallions music they had for the event was excellent!!!
If we are so mean to each other how come we are all in here having the time of our lives>?
I missed all yesterday but found the semis and Final and even the Womans Final pretty riveting viewing. It was a squillion times more entertaining than Portugese close-outs.
I missed the whole event, but the highlight reel barely stirred my cold bitter heart…
Actually I retract that… I just saw Ian Walshs 10’s. The vodka may have numbed my stoke. It’s a tough life as a armchair critic.
Don’t retract that…pontificators make the best critics.
Despite the reactionary article I wrote at 4am after the first day condemning it all as pish, I actually quite enjoyed bits of what I saw yesterday. I was impressed by the women.
Beach Grit commentariat community. Where ‘the Inertia’ contributors go to confess their sins….and maybe pick up a few views.
I looked for the byline of Chazz Michael Michaels on HuffPo but came up snake eyes..
Did someone say something?
I missed yesterday but the clips look like it was pretty great! I might find some replays tomorrow maybe.
I find it completely engrossing. It’s over in 2 days, you get a winner. Everyone is happy. And the average Joe[sephine] can relate to the simple challenge of paddling and standing up on a big chunk of ocean. I love the Big Wave Tour.
We believe, above all, that surfing is anti-depressive! Except when we don’t.
Come on, that was written a mere decade ago with the best of intentions!
Chas, I always show you love then yank your chain.
I happily chatted to a guy today as we ran down the beach to surf we paddled out together chatted a bit more, I told him that it was better yesterday. He missed 2 waves so I proceeded to drop in on next couple then paddled away and surfed on my own.
I was civil for 20-30mins – I will work on 35-40 next time all baby steps!!
If I like someone I say hi then paddle far away before either of us can ruin the relationship
An entire day seems a bit lofty. Lets make it a bit more manageable.
You’re right. I meant 2 hours.
Before we were curmudgeons, whenever it was small and gutless, one of the crew I would surf with would takeoff on a wave, throw his arms high above his head and rise to his tiptoes as he ‘dropped in’. The first time he did it, we were like
“What was that, man?”
“I dunno, thought I was at Waimea.”
Ever since then, it has been a regular call to get a bit of fun back in a session. Of course, I still hate other groups of mates having fun in the surf though.
Isn’t it mandatory to scowl and hate on obvious groups of friends enjoying themselves in the surf? I mean its not like surfing is fun or anything.
I don’t surf with anyone I know because I will end up hating them in mere minutes.
Quik Airlift Vest. Being a prankster all I think is pulling the cord on the paddle back out. Then watching kook trying to duckdive 3ft Snapper Michelin Man style
…and who’d wear that shit on 3ft snapper prankster boy?
You’re jokin’ right? Check last Superbank footage. Everything from fucknut wannebees to fools thinking Quik Airlift save them them from 1 wave hold down at Snapper. Bizarre but that fact. Airlift more sbout Westpac chopper rescuing these fucknuts when real
rhetorical question there, dont really give a fuck for your thoughts…
Recriprocal too fat
Are people actually wearing them in one foot surf?
Nah 3-4ft. Safety first on Goldie
I picture speed weaving through floating witch’s hats. Fun!
I wish, I wish
Nah, counter that. Definitely speed weaving. Gold Coast Council heaps witch’s hats. They don’t seem won’t enforce other
Absolutely. You know when you’re surfing a shifty beach break with no banks, just random waves popping up, and you think you’re fifty metres to the left away from a mate who’s yapping loudly with the other mate who is another thirty metres away. And you yell out
“Fucken shut up you old women”
And they paddle in and then you realise your mates are sitting to the right. Even when it’s inadvertent it’s pretty fucken funny.
If I want to have fun, surfers are the last people I want to be around!