Podcast: “John John like 108-year-old
Chinese man!”
By Derek Rielly
The Weekly Grit with David Lee Scales and Chas
Smith…
What can I tell you?I love Mexican
food, Southern gothic writers, horror movies, fireplaces, people
who tell the truth, corn on the cob, Dr Pepper (which I
cannot find in Bondi), old movies, Céline, ketchup on my steak
and…
The Weekly Grit with David Lee Scales and
BeachGrit principal Chas Smith.
It isn’t exactly weekly, and if there’s anything more
excruciating than something that proclaims a regular slot but
doesn’t meet scheduling I’m yet to find it, but when it does appear
I’m a fan of sorts.
In this almost one-hour-and-a-half episode, Chas and David talk
surf media wars and the latest roughhousing between Stab
and the Inertia (“Zach comes across as,
well… pathetic… is a nice word,” says Chas) as
well as Chas’ “scorched earth policy” media strategy.
“I dragged everyone into the gutter,” says Chas.
Also, whether you’re a “goober” if you punch your surfboard,
neck tattoos, a discussion on whether or not the Hypto Krypto is
for clumsy hoodlums and some rumination on the question, has a pro
surfer has ever grown a satisfactory beard.
“John John l0oks like a 108-year-old Chinese man,” says
David.
Listen here.
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Live: Jaws is running now!
By Chas Smith
A big wave event!
Stop what you are doing and come log on to the
World Surf League’s exclusive live broadcast of Peah’i. It is a
magnificent show of nature and already one ski has been pitched
onto the rocks. Have you ever drowned a ski? Or scuttled a
boat?
Did you collect a fine insurance settlement?
Watch Jaws now!
Click here but keep comments open so we can talk about it n
stuff.
P.S. The first heat features 2 x winner Jimel Kimmel, Billy
Kemper, Ian Gouveia, Grant Twiggy, Cristiano Ronaldo, Francisco
Giant, Koa Rothman and Mark Healey.
Who yo got?
But wait… I’m not done with you yet. Do you call it Peah’i? Or
do you call it Jaws?
I call it Jaws. But I am a white man. Are you?
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Just in: Pharrell gets into surf tank
game!
By Chas Smith
“Oh my gosh people all over the world would come,”
said surfer Johnathon Podolsky.
You certainly know hit-maker Pharrell Williams.
He has been in the bright spotlight for a decade plus with top ten
after top ten and many fabulous collaborations with Jay-Z, Gwen
Stefani, Snoop, Nelly, NSYNC, etc. etc. etc. and now guess what he
is doing?
Building a surf tank complex in his hometown of Virginia
Beach!
The local news reports:
Pharrell Williams could be making a big splash in his
hometown of Virginia Beach. He is working together with a developer
to create a state of the art surf park right on the Oceanfront at
the old Dome site.
“It is a robust industry here and certainly a lot of people
do it,” said Councilman John Uhrin.
Uhrin says the city has been trying to develop the 10 acre
parking lot on Pacific Avenue, between 18th and 20th streets, ever
since the Dome was torn down in 1994.
“We’ve always looked for something that was really going to
be a unique entertainment offering for the city of Virginia Beach”
said Uhrin.
Enter Pharrell Williams, who is partnering with Venture
Realty Group to deliver what the city has been searching
for.
“I think it’s great that we have people that grow up in this
city and have a great experience and go out and do wonderful things
and then want to come back and still be part of the city,” said
Uhrin.
The plan consists of restaurants, retail, residential, and a
4,000-seat music venue all centered around a giant pool with man
made waves.
“Oh my gosh people all over the world would come,” said
surfer Johnathon Podolsky.
Podolsky says there are too many days when there aren’t
enough waves and he thinks this project is a brilliant
idea.
“I think it would be great for ECSC, consistent waves, same
shape and everything, and the surfers will be able to really show
their performance,” said Podolsky.
Some nearby businesses, like Albie’s Pizza, have concerns
the area may become too touristy.
“A lot of our local customers say that’s one of the only
places where they can park for two dollars with a Virginian Beach
license.” Said manager Austin Butler.
Butler also acknowledges Pharrell is a local and she trusts
he will do what’s best for the city.
“Hopefully his endorsement will increase business if they do
develop that,” said Podolsky.
I trust that Podolsky and Albie’s Pizza can work out their
differences but there is one thing I would like to discuss with you
here. The wavepool will utilize Wavegarden technology which means
the ownership group chose that over KS Surf Ranch. Now, I am going
to assume they knew of KS Surf Ranch’s existence yet still chose
Wavegarden.
So.
Is the Wavegarden stuff way cheaper? Is it more broadly
functional? Does it work better for more people?
Which leads to the most important question of all.
Is Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Beta and Wavegarden VHS?
Remember that tech war? If I recall, Beta was considered better
in every way but VHS smashed it into non-existence because VHS
players had a lower retail price.
Will Wavegarden, like VHS, stand alone at the very end?
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“Mick a bully! John a chronic liar!”
By Derek Rielly
And John John steals Kolohe's JuJu! Find out how!
It's faintly interesting!
You might’ve noticed that we stopped posting
#tournotes over the past few months.
What can I say?
The magic and romance had gone and that gorgeous
something that defined Peter King’s behind-the-scenes
mini-documentaries had descended into a series of predictable
tropes.
This post-Portugal episode, built around locker room trash talk,
looks at the viewer challengingly. The dialogue is spirited and
faintly interesting.
Between Kolohe Andino and Mick Fanning,
Kolohe:Mick takes all my waves. Bullies
me.
Mick:He deserves it. He’s a
pest.
Between Kolohe and John John .
John: (How do you spell Kolohe?) C-H-L-O-E!
You should ride that board a little more. Get used to it a little
more.
Kolohe:I’m pretty sure you fell three
times out there.
Between John’s coach Ross Williams and John John.
John:Ross is so flamboyant I don’t
need to put colour in my boards.
Ross: (When John claims to’ve beaten Ross
in a game) Chronic liar. Right here.
John John rubs Kolohe’s board.
John: I took the good juju out of his board
right there. Now I have it.
And so forth.
It ain’t Floyd Mayweather (“When I retire, I’ll get Ricky
Hatton to wash my clothes and cut my lawn and buckle my shoes.
Ricky Hatton ain’t nothing but a fat man. I’m going to punch him in
his beer belly. He ain’t good enough to be my sparring
partner”) but it ain’t bad.
Help! Last week Venice-adjacent’s other online
“surf” magazine Stab did an advertorial post on Julian
Wilson and Oakley that was so horrible it invented the term
“badvertorial.”
I totally thought it was a one off and fake.
Firstly, I couldn’t believe that even the most cash starved Sam
McIntosh, recently divorced from daddy SurfStitch, would lower
himself directly to bald-faced aggressive hideous advertorial.
Like, isn’t that partially why the SurfStitch x Stab
marriage failed in the first place? Besides nefarious financial
moves by the principles? Because the people smell a rat when they
smell one? Or was Stab already cheating with
The Inertia?
Secondly, I couldn’t believe that Oakley would listen to the
pitch and agree to a series featuring bald-faced aggressive
hideous advertorial. What was it like in the room? “We’re going to
‘feature’ your riders though your ‘lens.’ Get it? Brilliant!”
And wow. Brilliant, I guess, if your aim is to make internet
advertising a farce.
I don’t want to be doing this. Really I don’t but come on… when
Ethan Ewing stars in the second of an apparent series then… I have
to. So let’s enjoy!
C’mon, you like the fact that glass appears with dots but
you can see through the ocean? Polarised lenses can underwhelm and
Oakley (a fine and long-term financial partner of Stab’s) have
addressed this challenge head on. We’ll let them take the stage to
talk through their new tech:
What do you look for in a good pair of shades? Surely more
than frame and function. Oakley’s new PRIZM technology features
ultra precise colour tuning, for any environment, which… we’ll let
them explain: “by fine-tuning individual wavelengths of colour,
PRIZM sharpens visual acuity to reveal nuances that would be missed
by the naked eye.”
And, Ethan Ewing, is a Stab favourite. Despite his difficult
time as a rookie on the world tour this year, we love his strong
lines and Andy Irons-esque lip jive. And, to highlight this gent’s
skill we have a before and after image treatment from him at
Snapper photographed by Andrew Shields.
And, when adopting the PRIZM tech, Stab goes straight for
the Latch for maximum effect. Don’t matter if you’ve got a skinny
head, biggish beak, high bridge, fat head, whatevs, the Latch is
rounded and forgiving but more importantly works on the sand at
Gnaraloo Station or the rooftop bar at the Fairmont Hotel in
Beverly Hills.
This is better than the last.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros