The Inertia's LA bureau struggles with the eternal shame of white privilege. "I…I…I'm filled with loathing and self reproach. I feel bloated and empty at the same time."

Surf fans left reeling after fiercely independent and scandal-prone surf-adjacent website sold to big-digital for reported millions!

"Paternalism mixed with dismissiveness ladled with passive-aggression and served warm with the emotional seasoning of a college campus safe space genre."

The online publishing giant AllGear Digital has swooped on scandal-prone website The Inertia, gobbling it up for a deal reportedly worth millions as part of its play to become the biggest online collective  in the “outdoors and active-lifestyle space.”

“Building The Inertia has been one of the most rewarding journeys I can imagine,” said The Inertia’s founder Zach Weisberg, a Virginia Beach surfer who was inspired to launch what would become the template for the vulnerable adult learner tsunami following a talk by the Huff Post’s Arianna Huffington in 2010. “Since day one, we’ve committed to forging great relationships, sharing valuable stories from unique perspectives in a culture we love, and challenging ourselves to embrace new opportunities.”

Weisberg said the AllGear sale was “an intuitive next step… I’m so excited for this new chapter in our evolution.”

It’s been a wild and not always happy climb to the number six slot on the surf website ladder for the tabloid whose audacity often shocked hardened BeachGrit readers, with its use of racist tropes, “foul bait and switch”, “singling out women surfers as perpetrators of lineup violence”, as well as its now famous blood feud with  former world number four Dane Reynolds who responded to a poor review with “In my opinion your review sucked, your site sux, and i’m relieved to never respond to your silly emails again.”

Weisberg’s reply to the charge from Reynolds, wrote Chas Smith, “will go down in history as the pièce de résistance of the paternalism mixed with dismissiveness ladled with passive-aggression and served warm with the emotional seasoning of a college campus safe space genre!”

(Read here.)

No jobs will be lost in the sale, says AllDigital.

Weisberg remains at the helm as General Manager, Joe Carberry and Alex Haro are still gonna wear their Senior Managing Editor and Senior Editor badges and Mark Sawyer-Chu is still SVP of Partnerships.

Nyong'o and Masekela enjoying their "lovely place" for now. Photo: @lupitanyongo
Nyong'o and Masekela enjoying their "lovely place" for now. Photo: @lupitanyongo

Film superstar Lupita Nyong’o and freshly-outed surf broadcaster beau Sal Masekela stun public, purchase apocalyptic “Hotel California” home together!

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

But right when you thought that Lupita Nyong’o and Selema Masekela had lost their spot as surfing-adjacent’s hottest couple to Strider Wasilewski’s brother Mescal and Full House darling Jody Sweetin, the movie superstar and her freshly-minted surf broadcaster beau go ahead and crank the burner to wow.

The Hollywood Reporter has revealed that the two just purchased a sprawling $4 million Los Angeles home together.

Per the story:

Hidden securely away behind a steel-gated driveway, on over two-acres of heavily wooded land resting at the end of a secluded one-way street, the contemporary steel, glass and cement structure is described as “self-sustainable” in the listing, complete with its own solar, backup power, home automation and filtration systems. There are four bedrooms and five baths in the three-level living space — all of it boasting floor-to-ceiling walls of glass offering up sweeping ocean, hillside and canyon views.

Particularly standing out is a living room sporting a fireplace and sliding glass doors spilling out to a spacious balcony, as well as a wet bar-equipped dining area. A fireside lounge connects to a gourmet kitchen, which is outfitted with bamboo cabinetry, quartz countertops, an eat-in island, and a plethora of top-tier Viking, Wolf and Sub-Zero appliances.

Congratulations to the happy couple but a few quick worries.

$4 million dollars for a Los Angeles home, especially one sitting on 2.5 acres of land with ocean views, is… hard to comprehend. Like, truly a near impossibility especially when considering top-tier kitchen appliances.

Further research suggests the home is somewhere off Topanga Canyon but sitting at the end of a one way street?

The happy couple could only have purchased the heavily distressed Hotel California.

A place where you can check in anytime but you can never leave.

Light a candle for their safety?


Yves Saint Laurent (pictured) dreaming of surf. Photo: YSL film
Yves Saint Laurent (pictured) dreaming of surf. Photo: YSL film

Luxury house Saint Laurent wows high society, offers exclusive must-have $25,000 surfboard!

Invest in your future.

Christmas is over, the fattened goose consumed entirely, her bones boiled into a healthy broth that will be forgotten in the back of the refrigerator. But did you get what you wanted from your loved one or ones? A high-end leather wallet? Maybe a cardigan from Anna Sui? Well, if not don’t you worry as you are an adult who can purchase your own goods.

Some Rivvia trunks, deeply discounted?

A surfboard from luxury house Saint Laurent that, while not deeply discounted, comes in the shade of chrome.

Shaped in collaboration with UWL, a very chic French shop, the board comes in the shade of chrome, as mentioned, and retails for $25,000.

No dimensions given.

While you may guffaw at the price, imagine how boss you’d feel paddling out at your local on it and perching in the lineup.

I’d have to think it would be such a power move that many more good things would come your way. A promotion at work all the way to the tippy-top. Love interests emerging from all corners. Recognition as a man, or woman, of power and taste.

Invest in your future.

Julian Wilson, seconds after Olympic dream crushed by "judges, Brazilian bias!"

Wild discounts offered on jaw-dropping debut clothing range from surfer Olympian described as having “a vitality that mimics its creator that can be measured at the root of the belly where the phallus rises thick and arching!”

New year sale on poom-poom shorts and off-the-shoulder tees!

Four months ago, Julian Wilson released the debut clothing range of his brand Rivvia Projects, the handle a portmanteaux of the names of his two kids River and Olivia.

Rivvia Projects is an “an expression of myself, really, and all the things I’m into and passionate about,” Wilson told Monster Children, listing his favourite things as golfing, motorbiking, skating, and mountain bike riding.

Wilson, who is thirty-four, followed Kelly Slater, Dane Reynolds/Craig Anderson, John John Florence, Luke Egan into the rag-trade, Slater (Outerknown) Reynolds’ and Ando with Former, John John Florence (Florence Marine X) and Egan with Depactus, a brand that flew a little too close to the sun before the glue holding its wings melted and it was bought for a song by SurfStitch.

You’ll remember the hoo-ha back in 2020, of course, when Wilson, a former world #2 and Pipe Master, sued his old sponsor Hurley for $US1.5 million claiming they’d become “increasingly toxic” in the professional surfing world and that “Hurley [sought] to profit from the worldwide health pandemic” by claiming that he’d breached his contract by not participating in surf contests that were cancelled due to COVID-19.

As the lovely college boy Cedar Hobbs reported,

The complaint claims that “at the time . . . ‘Bluestar [was] reportedly looking for loopholes in contracts for even the most high-profile athletes to use as leverage to renegotiate terms.’”

Anyway, water under the bridge, as they say and Rivvia, which occupies the classic medium price point space, has soared beyond any imagination.

And, to celebrate the end of the year and the welcoming of all the good times just beyond, Wilson has heavily discounted a significant number of his better pieces, including the Pink Trails poom-poom shorts, the lilac Future Hood and his classic black hoodie.

Hoodies are sixty dollars, Australian, instead of a c-note, the trunks fifty-ish instead of ninety.

Medium sized gents might find it a little hard to get sizes, for fatties, 34-inch waists and beyond, there’s an abundance. 

Miami Vice making new vice in Miami. Photo: Miami Vice
Miami Vice making new vice in Miami. Photo: Miami Vice

Traditionally staid Associated Press shocks readers with vulgar description of new beach anti-smoking ban in Miami: “Forget about showing any butts!”

Naughty words.

Miami area surfers are set to wake up the very first day of 2023 to a great shock. Namely, they will no longer be able to smoke on the beach before, or after, rare local sessions generally brought about by hurricanes or the like.

Marlboro, out.

Camel, no more.

Those who dare smoke after the gong of midnight on January 1st will be met with a $100 fine and 60 day stint in jail.


Two whole months behind bars.

Miami Beach City Commissioner Alex Fernandez declared the draconian new law was meant to protect the area’s natural charm, saying, “This paradise is an important economic engine. Cigarette butts are not the butts our 18 million visitors want to see. This new law will help keep our paradise clean and beautiful.”


The normally staid Associated Press, founded in 1846, took the City Commissioner’s “cheeky” tone as license to vulgar, penning, “Starting New Year’s Day, you can still wear bikinis on the beaches of Miami Beach, but forget about showing any butts — cigarette butts, that is.”

Readers, unused to flowery reports and naughty word play, became extremely troubled, some fainting whilst passers-by furiously fanned them, wafting smelling salts under their noses.

Others vomited while calling for an immediate retraction.