First they came for the old white men...
Hyper-woke surf-adjacent website The Inertia shocked its reading public, today, by posting a shockingly snarling racist and agist screed.
The piece, carrying the title “An Ode to the Low-Performance Surf Break,” began as a wonderfully panfoam celebration of quality-fluid waves.
Good vibes etc.
A The Inertia specialty lulling the reader into that comfortable place they are used to.
But then, without warning, the author bared teeth and sunk fans into a protected class.
Old people.
Also those who identify as “white” or “male.”
TRIGGER WARNING.
Instead of trying to defend our last little pockets of “localized” surf where a few old white dudes seem to think they deserve more waves than anyone else, maybe it’s time to give in to the flush of kookery and remember why we’re surfing in the first place — for fun.
Whoa.
What is this “flush of kookery?”
Like a pogrom?
Mob carrying flaming torches going parking lot to parking lot rounding up old white men talking grouchy talk etc.?
Well, very disturbing in any case.
David Lee Scales did not talk about The Inertia when we met for our weekly chat, yesterday, but we did speak about ridding Kauai of interlopers.
Maybe the Flush of Kookery is a good idea?
Listen here
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Ha!
All kidding aside…watch the Kelly/Taj semi from 2011.
No one will ever surf this place better than that.
The Val’s , woke instagrammers and surf mum’s are aiming high this week…
Just need to learn to actually surf before you try and take surfing and surf spots off real surfers ( no matter how old and or white they may be)
As a surf mom myself I couldn’t agree more!
Whats a surf mom im a bit ancient and dont recognise the relevance
I shat out a bunch of little psychos from my front butt and now I haul them up and down the coast in a minivan. Pretty straightforward.
Oh thats nice dear , do you get told to fuck off much when you try to pull the im a mom sympathy card in the line up.
Often, but I just burn them regardless
This is the best comment in the history of this publication.
My man!!!
Oh, I do. Nothing better than paddling out at a peak crowded with blow-ins, testing the waters and then re-arranging the pecking order. There’s a lot to be said about being a grizzled elder who doesn’t give a fuck.
Where I’m from the old locals aren’t white. Some are I guess but most are Polynesian. And they get the waves they want and share the others. Often giving the best waves to young guys. The woke racists only see skin color.
Have you ever been in Bali or Sri Lanka with a pack of Japanese and Israeli surfers respectively? They have strictly defined hierarchical structures up the wazoo.
Yeah, I seem to have two modes at the moment. Paddle out a bit further and wait longer for the bigger ones. Or sit inside and pick up scraps. Mainly depends on the ability in the water. At the moment it’s school holidays and our little beachside town is crowded with kooks on 8’+ boards clogging the waves. Up until I get burned on that first wave, I’m pretty relaxed. But after that, the cuntiness levels can peak a bit…
Very special.
NonJohn hates you too, very much. NonJohn would still share a rum ration with you.
Mark Zuckerberg calls off white locals at Hanalei.
We must take back our surf spots from George Soros and the VAL invaders. Reclaim what is rightfully ours!
MAKE AMERICA GROUCHY AGAIN (MAGA)
Achievement unlocked!
Actually you can…Long Beach, NY.
Portnoy has reviewed two pizza spots here…Gino’s and Sorrento’s are both damn good.
You can also surf a CT break where Kelly got a 10.
Uncrowded? Long Island? Hahaha
When was the last time you actually went surfing?
Today was pretty great.
Brigh sunshine, 2ft, offshore.
And not crowded at all.
Than it must have been shitty
Right. The shittiest.
That’s a reach!
Clearly you haven’t had Sorrento’s pizza, my friend.
I got nuthin’ but love for you, my man.
You’re my boy, Blue!
yep, and they’re all things you try to overcome in life
And stop saying K@u@! you kooks. Leave our island alone. We already have tons of kooks coming here daily to rape our aina in between trying to e-foil with a billionaire, hugging a monk seal, and get a selfie with a sea turtle.
And packing fire ants with them to boot
Yep. Billionaire kooks and fire ants is basically what we are stuck with.
We were all born kooks and will all die kooks but for just a little while we get to call others kooks for being more kooky than ourselves. That is the sweet spot and BG is in it. Not as kooky as the WSL but definitely kookier than stab but super not as kooky as the inertia.
truer words were never spoken, ya kook. love, this kook.
I got no problem with kookism becoming normalised. Whenever theres waves it’s always full of beginners who haven’t been shamed into getting better.
More waves for guys who did it the hard way.
Right up to the moment when they get in the way…
That’s complete bollocks.Amami has neither.And it’s a conveyor belt of cunts into the bargain.
Amami oshima? I surfed there once.
Because you’re in Japan.