"Go suck a dick!"
For a long there it was hard to beat the social media performance art of San Diego longboard virtuoso Joel Tudor.
His Instagram account @joeljitsu (Joel is a black belt grappler) is, or least was, a hive of incendiary opinion.
Do you remember, Bullfight: Joel Tudor vs Shawn Stussy?
Blood Feud: Joel Tudor versus the World?
Blood Feud: Joel Tudor versus Kelly Slater?
Never pompous, Joel, who is forty-one years old, had a refreshing lack of fear in his ferocity. Lately, his account had gone so quiet, free of any scalding bile, that I had simply stopped looking.
Earlier this morning, a pal alerted me to a new storm brewing. Accompanying an excellent Derek Dunfee photo of Nathan Strom colliding with a fellow longboarder, Joel wrote:
“Getting faded.”
Joel’s almost ninety thousand followers were, mostly, thrilled. Five thousand of ’em liked it. And the comments were, again mostly, positive.
“Free channels for you, brother.”
“Love it. Gotta teach the new kids about traffic control and ding repair.”
“Speed bump.”
And so on.
Then in stepped someone called @byronthekid, who threw a towel over the circle jerk.
“Really? He could not have gone up and above or down and around? It’s just surfing…fucking play time in the water. I am so tired of this egomaniacal mentality. It’s not tough, cool, or respectable. It’s just fucking stupid. I used to have a ton of respect for you Joel, but encouraging this kind of shit as a grown man? It’s lost on me. Rise above.”
This made Joel pleasingly angry.
Joel: “I didn’t ask your opinion nor do I give a fuck ….dude is lucky Nate can surf & was able to turn away avoiding conflict or injury- Nate did the right thing ….anyone who thinks differently is a kook who don’t understand the lineup….get the fuck outta the way!”
From @byronthekid: “No Joel, I know you don’t give a fuck. That’s point and that’s the sad part. I understand the lineup. Fuck I learned from guys like you, but making a spectacle of this shit gets old. In fact, you told me in the Cardiff parking lot about 12 years ago that this very mentality needs to change because kooks aren’t going anywhere and people are going to keep crowding the lineups. I guess you for got that. Keep on keepin’ on.”
The spigot was opened.
Another follower wrote:
“To much drug mr tudor, do you have always bad coment with the peoples, too much drugs you are crazzy, ex Champion you be tooo old need more education mr marihuana.”
Joel replied: “Go suck a dick!”
Back in form! And don’t it feel good!
Read the exchanges here, and thrill to Nathan Strom’s back and forthing too.
With mma getting more popular it’s only a matter of time until some big kid with a year of training from back in texas goes out at cardiff with a foamie and ends up wiping the floor with this skinny granola guy. How sad would it be to see tudor get beaten down buy a guy with his wetsuit on backwards.
This is funny
joel is such a fucking kook goes out at blacks and pushes his kid into sets just burning anyone already on the wave so his kid can go strait on a fucking 8 foot board that takes literally no skill
For the record – Nate Strom is indeed a giant jackass
This is a complete non-sequitor but the most out of proportion athlete I’ve ever seen was figure skater Sasha Cohen. Cute as a button but when I saw her in NYC one day I was shocked…her torso was like 90% of her body. She looked like she had “little person” legs. Anyway…back to Angry Joel and his anger at being angry.
Joel would fuck up all you keyboard shit talkers in real life and go have a doobie with Fuller afterwards. Would like to see anyone of you paddle out at pipe leashless, sit with the pack, and get some like he does each NS season. God bless him (and Albee) for keeping it real and saying what most with a voice are too PC to say. The surf world is plain vanilla and most of you Joel shit talkers are just sprinkles.
I like watching Joel surf but I have to point something out: a 115lb black belt would have a tough time against a 165lb guy who wrestled or is a blue belt from a reputable school, assuming he knows how to punch. Just had to point out that a black belt doesn’t mean your invincible.
THIS!!!
Hahahahahaha
I love the Joel diaries…
Excellent Joel, as always love ya work, in and out of the water.
Hilarious how what started as a non-controversial comment turns into a shit fight once someone takes shit out of context a few hundred comments down the line…just like journalist do a little more quickly in mainstream media…. be great to hear a bit more “GO SUCK A DICK” on the six o’clock news or front page of the Tabloids.
I saw a biker in Montreal yell at a guy riding a moped in the bike path; he said, in a hilarious French accent: “suck my dick ASSHOLE.” What a weird insult . . . similar to “kiss my ass.” Why do you want an adversary to suck your dick and kiss your ass? I’d like to hear a professional opinion.
Last week I was logging 1 foot surf and some “Soul Patrol” trad longboarder basically did the same thing to me. Single fin almost cut my head in half because he couldn’t wait two seconds. Longboarders take themselves so serious it can be comical.
Can someone bring me up to speed re: Fuller vs. Tudor? I was using the potty..
When beginners get in my way, I nicely tell them not to do it again. It’s better to inform them than to get pissy. That longboarder didn’t do anything wrong; but he should have told the guy after, to stay out of the way. It’s shocking how many surfers don’t know basic etiquette; they don’t know because no one ever told them. Surfing isn’t a very “communicative” sport. So, next time you want to yell or whatever, just have a friendly chat instead; it feels good to have Aloha.
!$%&YOU
Haha; that being said, there are obviously times when we have to send people in, but even then, it doesn’t have to get crazy. It’s a simple “you’re dangerous, this place is not for beginners, but &€%#* is, so go there, NOW. Fights happen in the water, and it’s almost 98% of the time stupid.
Of course he’s angry. His north shore legacy is getting choked out by Danny fuller. that humbling drew him to karate. He’s always been a clown that surrounds him with low-life yes men.
I think the WSL/Corona rant was one for the books. Especially sense there is/was an IG posting, from him of him, clutching said devil brew in his little hand. Bless you Joel. As you’re truely an amazing once and often bullied litttle angry man.
From the guy you called a dipshit last week in IG. For no REAL reason.
yeah joel’s fried as fuck
depending on conditions and distance from the obstacle, a 20 pound longboard does not simply go up or down and around. a big pivot turn as pictured is actually the fastest and safest way to change direction. maneuvering around fat redneck dads and their prolific $3 dollar bodyboard clutching spawn until the cops are called on me during the gulf coast summers has taught me this many times over.
Do you REALLY think this is wise and witty enough to cut and paste onto Joel’s “suck a dick” Insta account? Nah, it ain’t!
it is neither wise nor witty but not only is it true, i also like joel, so yeah!
its interesting how being abused by a more powerful person can psychologically damage a person for life. Getting choked out by Danny mentally ruined him like a chick who got raped.
To Stab please dude
Hi Danny, I d be stoked crushing a gronk like that too.
Being able to utube it on demand for the boys would be the spongy upright tits also.
Two door has been on edge for years… that Vans gravy train will dry up way sooner than later and after that no one gives two fucks about a forty year old longboarder.. Home Depot is hiring, douchebag.. oh wait… drug test!!! Ha!!
Surfboard as shield!
When you spend large amounts of time rolling around on the ground 69’ing other dudes and having their nuts and dong in your face I’m guessing you have “go suck a dick” on your mind a lot. Perhaps he just blurted that out because he was literally just in some dark and dank gym sucking some harry Brazilians sweaty dick?
Go suck a dick is hardly a worthwhile insult if the target of your venom loves sucking dicks. More like words of support and encouragement.
Joel Jitsu grapples his way inhospitably close to balls and dick more days than not every week. Is his insult him insulting, inviting, daring and so Joeling?
Ask him! I’m sure he’ll be happy to answer your question.
The commentariat shouldn’t get this involved. We are mere artillery battery.
I love audience participation!