Are you the WSL or The Surf Ranch? Are you Indonesia or are you Hawaii? Lemoore?
I used to love you but now I am unhappy.
I am confused. I am very, deeply confused. I don’t know what to believe!
There are sharks and wave pools and Olympics and there is of course the World Surf League. I miss the way you used to be. I miss when I could go surfing and just go surfing. I don’t like thinking about the state you’re in because it makes me sad.
But have you changed or I?
I always knew there were sharks. But why do I now spend as much time gazing at my dangling feet as I do on the horizon? I am waiting for a set or I am waiting to die and neither come fast enough. I want ultimate pleasure or I want it all to end. I won’t live in a paradigm of waves and shadows. Fuck anxiety.
I was once utterly desperate for a wave pool in my hometown. I craved one in a similar way that I imagine Barton Lynch craving anything, with froth dripping from every pore of my being. I was sick of getting skunked. I needed infinite perfection.
I just don’t know you anymore, surfing. You’re in a bad place but I think everyone is confused about where that place that is. Fuck the Olympics, right? Fuck corporate competition. In fact, fuck competing all together.
But then I started reading things and in a series of articles Chas Smith reminded me that nothing in this world can ever be perfect. The thing that I had been wishing for may very well be the source of all evil.
But ultimately he just confused me because I would very much like to surf a wave pool but I would also very much like Kim Jong-Un to point his missiles towards Lemoore.
I just don’t know you anymore, surfing. You’re in a bad place but I think everyone is confused about where that place that is. Fuck the Olympics, right? Fuck corporate competition. In fact, fuck competing all together.
But surfing, you are the greatest competition! You’re Kelly vs. Andy. You’re Occy vs. Curren. You’re Hawaiians vs. Haoles.
Well, At least you were.
From where I’m sitting, you have never been less competitive. You are dull. The tour is boring. Contrary to the suggestions of the commentary team, claiming a chop-hop on a 2ft wave does not count as passion. There are no rivalries. There is only gracious losing and gracious winning and nothing more. Aside from John, there is more talent off tour. And the fact that the waves are shit throughout every contest period is no factor of chance. No, it is a sign from god that something is very very wrong.
So, surfing, who are you?
Are you the WSL or The Surf Ranch?
Are you Indonesia or are you Hawaii? Australia?
Lemoore? God, I hope you aren’t Lemoore.
Are you competitive or are you free?
Are you the Olympics or are you the Volcom Pipe Pro?
Stab or BeachGrit?
Are you all or none of the above?
Do you actually exist?
Or have we, the people, taken you places you were never meant to go?
Have we created a monster out of something so pure?
I still love my surfing I have not let anything put me off…. I have my own beach house in a remote part of Bali…. I have the break to myself most days…. You are all welcome to come and join me two or three at a time…👆✌😎👣
Imagine claiming at the end of your set!
* The thing is though, you’re not even headlining the show.
Surfing for me is something I have always done and a fun way to stay fit, when it stops being fun I will stop.
deff beach grit!!!
It used to be go surf, read tracks or watch a surf video if it was flat, and if you were lucky go watch a contest once a year.
Social media and the internet has fucked pro surfing and print media because everything is instantaneous. If you want to see some rad surfing all you need to do is get online.
Wave pools are just a rich guys fantasy, they wont make money and surfers are too tight to make the economics work at one wave every 8 minutes. So dont worry about wave pools, they are the equivalent of ice rinks in the desert.
Pro surfing is cactus, the surf companies are broke and the real world isnt interested. The tour will go belly up and be reborn with much lower prize money and life will go on.
Print magazines are screwed in the real world too. The best option is tsj subscription based boutique magazine.
Surfing went on just fine before the tour and surf companies and magazines. Who cares about all that when you are sitting in the lineup anyway?
Tracks used to crack me up as a grom. I remember there being an article in like, 1997, about the ‘Japanese invasion of the Gold Coast’. It read that “Broadbeach is actually Japanese for ‘Blood Beach'” and was “the second home of Godzilla”. Another fine example of writing (in the same issue) was ‘How to use Tracks to wipe your arse’. As you can imagine; on-camera flash blowning out porcelain bowls with dirty shit smeared over that glossy, visibly halftoned magazine stock.
What about the famous line: “Tracks thinks all p******* should be put in a giant piston and squashed. There is no excuse for dung punching.”
They even published it a second time in a yearbook. Bet they wouldn’t get away with it today.
sure, even if we don’t get much out of picking winners, i think most guys on tour would be a band i’d go see when they came through town
Jack London described it over a century ago « A royal sport for the natural kings of earth « . A 100 years later a kid called London calls the cops after a drop in.So far no waves in London but that’s Sophie’s Choice?
You are amazing sir.
“The thing I have been wishing for may very well be the source of all evil”. Umm. Has Slater and friends created a “miracle”, or a “monster”?–a monster who might slowly come back to haunt the tribe in the years to come, destroying their peace, contentment and stoke with false dreams?
I think I can see the issue.
You have two surnames and you’re not sure whether you’re Chas Smith or Derek Rielly.
It’s no wonder you’re confused.
So am I! What is the J. and the P. short for?
The J is for Jamie and the P is my middle name which is Peter.
At no point in my real life have I actually ever been called JP. I actually cringe whenever I hear it. It’s a change I was forced to make for the purpose of writing online after I got in some trouble in the real world for things I had written!
Googling now!
Google away, mate. You might find some stuff about Rabbie Burns’ best mate of the same name, but you won’t find me!
True! How did you disappear yourself? Dark Arts? Voodoo?
Like I said – real world trouble.
Reading the article, I thought no, it’s just a phase. Then I read this and thought, no, surfing is driving a motorcycle with water-ski pontoons through the lineup at Teahupo’o. Goddesses help us.
or maybe light yourself on fire and go surf Teahupo ?
allegorising or all ego rising?
I think that’s what he wants to tell surfing but he can’t muster the courage.
Pretty much.. I am very afraid!
I Can’t Help You, But I Can Tell You The 15 Warning Signs Of Diabetes!
Wave pools are not the antichrist, waves pools are fun as fuck if you’re from a wave deprived location like myself. The issue is the “professional” surf industry and it’s race for the bottom. Fuck the WSL and brands like Quiksilver/Billabong with their lack of direction, fucking pack (lounge?) of chameleons looking to jump on the back of any aging trend. We need an airshow tour or something similar with guys like Chippa, JJF, Albee and Meola. We need to shine the light on the guys and gals who are willing to put it all on the line for the progression of the sport. 2020 will cement surfing in as the lamest sport since curling if we don’t start to embrace progression.
All we need is someone to put up the money. You got any?
Money? Not in this current climate. I can however offer up a social media post and some out of session 2nds if that helps? I have some puffy DCs that’ll raise around $30 – $35 AUD.
Sick! I’ll call Chippa!
Marketing managers ARE the problem.
“Dear Jack, i don’t need you, you need me..” kind regards, – Surfing.
Truth hurts!
Turn off the media devices and just go jump into the waves with a randomly chosen board.
Don’t believe everything that you breathe.
I’m damn sure even the ancient Ali’i sold each other crocks of shit when it came to creating surfing mythologies.
Muhammed Ali’i?
Float like a pulelehua, sting like a nalo meli…
Slam! Turn out the lights, its over.
The WSL is anything you want it to be. However, to me, it is absolutely irrelevant. Much like a bicycle is irrelevant to a fish. Maybe Irina Dunn should be CEO.
Perhaps she’d know that watching surfing is irrelevant to non-surfers.
And watching competitive surfing is irrelevant to many surfers.
Many surfers are irrelevant to competitive surfing.
Many competitors are surfing’s irrelevants.
And many irrelevants are competitive to surfing..
This shit is eerie.
This eerie is shit..,. Oh never mind.
see, that surprises me. certainly nearly everyone could learn something from watching guys at this level. unless they swoon over how people hold their hands and arch their backs when they trim down the line. it would be like a musician saying they aren’t interested in other people’s music.
I’ve never been into hero worship.
Plus, the end effect of competitive/pro surfing is to negatively impact on Joe Average so why would I support this?
Costco/WaveStorm is what negatively impacts Joe Average, not video of life threatening Tahiti. and recognizing unique skill isn’t necessarily hero worship. i’m unhappy with the judging quite often but i rarely find myself wishing some other guys (other than Dane and Curren) were on the screen.
Probably irrelevant to ‘most’ surfers.
Was gonna say “most” but thought I’d tone it down a bit.
One would hope so.
Oh come on. When a tour subject arises, you’re all over it. Like everyone on this site. It’s almost the only thing worth gossiping about.
I sure do love talking shit about the WSL but as far as enhancing my enjoyment of surfing goes, it means absolutely fuck all. Loved it as a kid, loathe it as an adult. It’s not the surfing I can’t stand, it’s the complete lack of any soul it projects. Just another bunch of jocks going round and round in circles. I’m sure even you want a bit more Mason Ho to go with your meat and potato.