Coca-Cola wants to make your dreams come true!
Yesterday morning you read the earth-shattering story, pulled from the pages of Hollywood’s leading trade publication, detailing the myriad changes coming to professional surfing. As recap, the World Surf League’s $30 million dollar deal with Facebook means the WSL app, that you reluctantly downloaded just over a year ago, is now obsolete. Also, the League is building a tank in Tokyo that will be ready for the 2020 Summer Games and that professional surfing under the floodlights is a brave new reality.
While we will be digesting all of this over the coming months, the $30 million dollar figure stuck out to me immediately. It seems like a lot of money. Not too much money but a lot of money, right? Like, what would you do with $30 million dollars? Would you make wise investments? Squander it foolishly? Buy a home in the hills? Give it all away and move to an ashram?
What about $3500 dollars? Would you replace your brakes? Take the wife out to Outback Steakhouse and order the Bloomin’ Onion AND the Kookaburra Wings?
Well, unbuckle your belt, boy, and tell the wife to wear her stretchy pants because dreams do come true!
Florida Today is reporting:
Pro-level surfers ages 18 to 40 for men and women are needed for a Coca-Cola commercial. Pay compensation is $3,500 per person, according to a release by Bonnie King, film commissioner for the Space Coast Film and Television Office. Submit a head shot and one full-length picture to casting director Pearl Rojo at [email protected].
Boom. Like that. And while your initial response may be, “But I’m not a pro surfer…” remember. We’re all pro surfers.
If you are not quite in the mood to be rich (and possibly famous) feel free to sent Pearl Rojo someone else here’s headshot/full-length length picture.
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Wilko surfing yesterday and seen his car in carpark.
Is everybody putting their names on cars now?
MR had a Porsche but he didnt put his name on the door.
Slater must tow a billboard behind his then!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
If I had $3500 I’d buy 5 Tesla Flame Throwers and 15 bottles of Woodford Bourbon. Yes, I could have bought 8 off-brand flame throwers and 25 bottles of Jack Daniels, but you’ve gotta, ya know, keep it classy.
And also fuck the fucking Patriots
Heck Chas, you can take your craft beer and Outback steaks and stick em’ where the sun don’t shine. We are a Chili’s family.
If you havent seen her remove the yoga pants before you marry… reap what ye sow
Guessing the age limit is why Slater had to go with the beer commercial. Sucks getting old.
https://youtu.be/-26Nx6c3TOw
Is the real story that Chas & Derek will be paid by the WSL to be the commentators Goldie this year? And beachgrit will now be a sponsor for the KS wavepool? Or is my flat earth conspiracy getting the best of me?
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What the fuck is going on over at Stab. Why are they charging to read certain articles? I know its not a lot they are asking but for fuck sake
The bloomin onion and kookaburra wings sound nice.
They’re gonna run out of coke.
Is the Space Coast Film and Television Office a front for the flat earthers? The “space coast” implies to me you surf straight off the planet into nothingness!!
Definitely squander it foolishly.
Is this THE story? Will you clear a coffee table if I show interest in your wife’s stretchy pants? **nacho libre imitation**
Oh no no no and no. THE story will be unmistakable! And yes. You show any interest at all and I will be flying though the air.
The suspense is killing me Chas. Must we wait another 24 hours ? I’ve been up all night pondering how this could change my future. Could it be the defining moment for Beachgrit and Chas as the all time bestest surf writer / journalist of all time.
Me too. I can’t relax until this groundbreaking story is released. My surfing suffered this morning.
Must be an embargo. Dat’s how we roll in surf these days.
Usually it’s my suffering that surfed in the morning.
Can we do a stalking Rory story? Has anyone read that paywall article he wrote?
Has he cut your lunch or something? You really hate him. Sounds like he’s more likely to eat your lunch but
“Resumes” watches way too much WWE wrestling, has a sub-adolescent IQ, and really wants to be “something”; hence, his ridiculous fanatic attitude towards “getting Rory.”
You do realise IQ and emotional maturity are separate things yeah?
Just sayin.
/Devil’s Advocate
Sure do, and it doesn’t take a logical leap to think that an adult with the above mentioned attributes probably isn’t the most emotionally mature adult. I mean, internet/real stalking someone?
Ah heck cuz, he’s bored and online and spouting shite like the rest of us. I think you are taking him a bit seriously Rory.
… and it still isn’t nesc. IQ related. But I’ll admit there is a thing called ‘emotional IQ’ so I’ll give you this one.
You’re right, “resume” gets under my skin, and here’s why: he brags about coming to Hawaii, being violent, stealing from local stores, etc. But yes, it’s ridiculous that I let an internet tuff guy get under my skin, ha, I’ll let it go.
I do feel your pain.
I’m just taking a more careless, distanced attitude to the gibberish.
Go get a wave for me. I’m stuck at work / looking after kids all week.
And he names spots that are “firing” on the island. WTF??
He’s a total barney.
Perhaps he’s a pigment of somebody’s uhmaginashum.
Probably Zuks taking us all for a ride.
Put some boars into his compound brah.
I love that you are a one gal guy. Unlike that over sharing Rory beast. If Coca Cola are looking for a Bunker Spreckles type, could Rory cut it in a wig? Rory, we know you’re reading?
I want to see some athleticism man, I’ll research long coffee tables and get back to you.
How long until IKEA starts making surfboards? I’m so ready.
If RotSB has anything to do with the design, they will be as wide as they are long.
When will see coffee-table hurdling in the Olympic?
I’m demanding funding from the IOC for this burgeoning niche market opportunity.
Coffee-table hurdles could run adjacent to the WSL wavepool in Tokyo. Please tell me why this cannot happen.
“Please tell me why this cannot happen.”
Hmmmmm.
Theoretically Captain, anything is possible.
We need to get the @sendit guys on top of this.
I’m sure Poopy could be convinced to take a late drop at Pipe on a LISABO.
The real Olympics or just the special ones?
Every Olympics is, to me, ‘Special’.
I’ll just put this here
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
jeezus
Real talk though, Chas Coffey photoshops her cans, I’ve had a good look on vanitygram
Nice work. You even included the hummingbird neck tattoo. Or is it really a swallow?
Empty platitudes, Chas. The readers (just me) will revolt soon (probably not) if the story is not delivered by 5pm today!
This story made me laugh but not laugh x 4 as promised by Chas.
The only thing worse than someone showing interest in your significant others stretchy pants is someone not showing interest….