Tickets for Founders Cup released including ultra-VIP, ride-the-pool package…
A few minutes ago, the WSL released tickets for its Founders Cup team event at the Surf Ranch on the weekend of May 5 and 6.
A hundred and five bucks will get you through the big cedar doors for one day ($86.20 for kids under ten), $157.27 for the weekend ($127.40 for kids) and a VIP all-weekend ticket is $517.77. The VIP ticket grants its holder “VIP seating” for both days, access to a lounge, food and booze and a parking pass.
Oh but that ain’t it.
The ticket you’ll be dressing up in your tightest leather mini-skirt, sequinned silver halter and precarious heels and throwing fat wads of cash at is The Surf Ranch Experience™. It costs $9500 (plus the $288 booking fee) and “after an entire weekend of watching perfect waves, you’ll get your chance to join the very short list of people who have surfed Kelly’s creation. The Surf Ranch Experience™ provides a one-hour surf session in the pool on Monday, May 7. You’ll feel like the pro’s you just spent a weekend watching, with a personalised locker, coaching and professional photography and videography from both land and water. The experience includes full VIP treatment through the event complete with VIP seating, lounge access, free food and beverage, premium gift bag, parking pass, and Tachi Palace hotel room for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. In addition, you’ll get an exclusive invite to the pre-event party and dinner on Friday, and the invite-only concert afterparty on Saturday. Get ready for the experience of a lifetime. Questions about this package? [email protected].”
I hardly have to ask.
But, are you in?
Oh, and the teams, if you’re wondering:
AUSTRALIA TEAM:
Captain: Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
Mick Fanning (AUS)
Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Julian Wilson (AUS)
Tyler Wright (AUS)
BRAZIL TEAM:
Captain: Gabriel Medina (BRA)
Adriano de Souza (BRA)
Filipe Toledo (BRA)
Silvana Lima (BRA)
Taina Hinckel (BRA)
EUROPE TEAM:
Captain: Johanne Defay (FRA)
Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Frederico Morais (PRT)
Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Frankie Harrer (DEU)
USA TEAM:
Captain: Kelly Slater (USA)
John John Florence (USA)
Kolohe Andino (USA)
Carissa Moore (USA)
Courtney Conlogue (USA)
WORLD TEAM:
Captain: Jordy Smith (ZAF)
Michel Bourez (PYF)
Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Paige Hareb (NZL)
Bianca Buitendag (ZAF)
Those rockstar camp vacations just became not the most lame vacation out there. If only I could get my money back for that Loverboy cruise I have booked, I’d go to surf ranch.
“beachgrit golden ticket” 1982 winnebaggo parked up in the lemoore surf ranch parking lot as your accommodation, an awayco membership for the weekend, a selection chas’s old board shorts, box of sex wax, a nude photo of natasha ziff, a VIP invite to john johns and kellys afterparty bender, Two small midget Hookers of mexican decent to massage your feet and wax up your stick, two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. and one hour in the pool to swim around and stare up at the stars and enjoy the trip…
mick doing a johnny farnham and having one last gig
I’m starting to hate this thing we call surfing..
the cost of free food and booze, a couple of bogged take offs in front of the goat (all captured I high definition for good measure). probably some pretty high quality toilet paper in the shitter. rubbing shoulders with the VIPS, casually asking for an autograph (its for my kid, he is a big fan, oh, you just work here, oops). $10000
getting your arse handed to you by your mates for paying for such self-indulgent shit. priceless.
I think the whole thing is gonna be a flop, unless too big to fail with the billionaire deep pockets.
I can’t wait to drop a long, slinky brown turd in that thing. Worth every penny.
As Jesus said in Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Unless they are. In which case, smite the fuckers.
Yes that kind of $$$$ for an hour VIP gets you in with the hell bound for sure.
So fucking what? They’re paying $10,000 for nothing at all. Give the money to someone you love, or someone you’ve never met who needs a helping hand. Learn to surf yourself and catch half a million waves for free.
Or buy a very small percentage of a surfing website focussing on micro-engagement.
You need to think a bit bigger; think “Beachgrit golden ticket”: $100k gets you 10 days in Indo / Fiji / Mex / somewhere warm and fun with the Beachgrit team. There you will share your secrets and provide a full ‘Grit makeover Chas (style, fighting), Derek (surf, navigating the intermediate plateau), Longtom (Literature, the effective killing of fish), Negatron (plumbing, witty repartee) – think a salty, straight version of Queer eye. Your trip will be heavily shot on video and stills and will feature an exclusive accompanying post (with the comments disabled) and a lifetime profile as a moderator.
That is a great deal as long as Chas throws a few signed books in the deal. He and Derek can put those much beloved bar tending skills to good use.
It’s good because they have effectively finalised the tanks disconnect from actual surfing.
These contrived surf team/region associations are weak. The WSL is blatantly attempting to make surfing a ‘global sport’ without really making it a global sport. Instead of recognizing surfers who have lived and surfed for most of their lives in a given region they take surfers who’ve more-often-than-not benefited from being raised (and doing much of their formative surfing) in a westernized country; specifically Australia and America. Whether that’s wrong or right, I’m not sure. It feels a bit overzealous.
Furthermore, the “world team” would be offensive if it didn’t completely bore me to death. One of the true hallmarks of international surfing as a sport, regional uniqueness, is being watered down by the money handlers. An industry that once brought far-flung places like Indo and elsewhere competitive surfing potential, is now blatantly ignoring what decades of surf industry influence has inspired. A thriving international sport. ZAF and Indo could easily put together a team that’d rival Australia, America, and Brazil. Perhaps one day market potential will fare better for places like Indo and Africa and professional surfing’s cultural arbitrators will give us a team for each? God (Dirk Ziff) willing.
Totally agree . Throw in Peru , Chile , Costa Rica and the Caribbean Islands into the mix . All these nations/regions have surfers in the top 100 on the QS .
BG seeing an uptick of these kumbaya ‘surf life’ donkeys
Exactly this aint aimed at surfers. Remember theres a ton of people with more money than sense.
Gee hope some fat corp exec blows his shoulder out first wave.
Could they not argue to be part of the World Team?
Yeah Sophie, get that money girl!
It’d be kinda entertaining if there were a live video feed for us to watch and heckle!
I think old Smelly Skater has officially jumped the shark.
Glen Hall coach for Ireland ??
I reckon so.
These slugs pay 2Mill for a farking Faberge Egg to sit above the fireplace. That 10k is just like $100 at Seaworld for these special cnts. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
And also equal? I must visit this fair-play Utopia wherein you surf.