Hawaii is a spectre that will haunt this 2018 season.
The first event is officially in the bag with fine, deserving champions on each side. Julian Wilson and Lakey Peterson both wear victory well and their respective homelands should smile with pride.
The entire show was, well… it seemed… I don’t know. Something was missing. Maybe it was Barton Lynch? Last year’s best commentator was brushed aside this year in apparent cost saving measures which left the standard cast in the booth. Ron Blakey, Pete Mel, Joe Turpel and 1989 World Champion Martin Potter.
They’ve all been with us for years now and… I just don’t know. I want more. I need more. Though, I must say, I did enjoy one moment between Joe Turpel and Pottz.
It came near twenty minutes into the Ace Buchan vs. Owen Wright heat when Turpel, as is his wont, asked Potter a benign question. “What is your favorite event on tour?”
Potter responded, without missing a beat, “Hawaii. It’s the Super Bowl of surfing.”
Now, do you think that Pottz has yet to be informed that Pipeline, the WSL’s Championship Tour’s only stop in Hawaii, has been axed? That professional surfers will no longer travel to the Aloha State in order to do battle on the big stage?
Or do you think he knew and was furious about the decision, deciding to protest in his own small way?
The broader issue, here, is that Pipeline will hover over the 2018 season like a spectre. It will haunt the proceedings and I wonder if the League will have to, in the end, capitulate and keep Pipe in December as the last stop for the next ten years. Or as long as Pottz lives. It is one thing to thumb a nose at Honolulu’s mayor. Quite another thing, though, to change the flow of history.
Hmmmm.
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The only way all this could be better is, BL and Potz die when a light plane they are travelling in crashes into the Goats surf tub…now that would be a sick chrissy present.
potter has been cooped up with turdpail too long. he isn’t American so why use the super bowl as an analogy. or does he mean the pipe masters takes 3 times as long as it needs to, structures itself around advertising, is participated in by a bunch of over protected, egotistical jocks and watched by a multitude of half baked wannabes of which half are only tuned in for the half time show (Rosy). in which case, spot on.
leave it to the ex-NFL staff to smell their own farts
Main difference between a Superbowl and Hawaiian Bowl
Superbowl will nerf musical assets, Hawaii tends to enhance them
At a Superbowl 420 will get you kicked out / arrested, Hawaii is Bob Marley friendly
Superbowl requires two football teams (53 or so players), coaching / support staff (110-200+ support staff). Then there is 500 employees, 106 cameras, 50 miles of cable, 14 mobile units, and a massive collection of additional tools and resources for the stadium
A Hawaii bowl can be 1 or 2 surfers, but usually 10+ cuz its all about friends and fam.
Superbowl determines champions
Hawaii bowl determines champions
Superbowl Mecca changes every year
Hawaii Bowl, the Mecca is 7 mile miracle, every year.
Supebowl only allows stags
Hawaii Bowl is doe friendly, stag friendly, and fawn friendly
Superbowl has approved uniforms, helmets, pads, etc and only NFL approved brands, all others are banned
Hawaii bowl can be birthday suited, helmeted or not, but usually board shorts for all, and some sort of top for the fairer sex is the norm, local brands preferred (but non local banned).
Hawaii bowl food requirements depend on who’s going, fresh cooked fish, or boar, poke bowls, ribs etc . . .
Superbowl requires food amounts of 1.35 billion wings, $277 million in potato chips, $225 (milion), meat snacks 99 mil, 1.3 billion beer / cider
Superbowl you watch the game
Hawaii bowl, you’ll end up in the game (eventually) as surfing is always good, unless its Laird or Waimea size, pipe crowded, did something like snake those Hui guys, squadron of hydrofoils / SUPs, or only sponges are left (but you’ll still go).
Superbowls can be televised
Hawaii bowls must be experienced
Superbowls may play your favorite music
Hawaii bowls have something for everyone
Superbowl admittance requires a ticket and spending $
Hawaiian bowls require respecing fellow peeps, proper takeoff, and also spending $
Superbowls can make sports history or make you sleepy
One Hawaii bowl wave will etch an awesome spot in your memory you’ll carry your whole life
Superbowl recognition and rule bending can be accomplished by celebrities, especially those from recognized sports, such as Tennis.
Hawaii bowl recognizes locals and some degree of surfing celebrities but etiquitte is mandatory
Oh and apparently Joel re-signed 6 more years with Bong!!!! massive miss on that story Chas
Following Bobby’s tennis tour whatever happened to Todd Klein?? Anyone know??
Fishing
Pottz looks like a blind tunnel rat thats just been ripped from his nest.
Does the QS have heavier waves than the CT now?
Sunset/Lemoore, Haleiwa/Snapper, Volcom Pipe/Rio??
Now If only they could down grade Huntington to a QS 1000.
1989 World Champion Martin Potter
Time to clean house. They all need to go in this order. 1 Potts 2 Turppel. Blakey. Rosie Strider Mel. So done with the regurgitated bullshit. Not a unique thought amongst this group of mental midgets. Bring in Gerlach and Barton.
where is Giggs on your list?
No alarm bells? Me either!
Pottz was replaced by a robot in 2014, this year they forgot to update the sw. I can tell you that Joe!
Get it straight, pipes still on in it’s normal position. It is the season finale vs. attempted season opener.
or closer. no 2019 contest whatsoever, right?
Still a season ender in 2019. WSL failed to switch it to the first event of 2019
well fuck, maybe i’ve been too hard on ol Soph
I must be off me meds. I really couldn’t give a fuck about hawaii losing its spot. I agree, it has that magic to it, but so do alot of other places around the globe. And with Pottz, yeah he is stuck in the mentality that it was better in my day; which indicates to me that this might just be his last year as a commentator. The tub will be the ‘superbowl’, because the WSL need to make money from somewhere. Most ASP/WSL watchers have been suckling from a free teat for so long, that professional surfing has to implement a system which will enable the competition to be sustainable for the future. So, if Hawaii goes (in 2019), big deal we will quickly forget that the final round was there after 3 years.
I dunno if anyone is going to forget about Pipeline mate.
Pipe who ?
No one going to be blown away by a snap under the lip at Lemoore .
Wtf, how much does it cost to have Barton froth on a mic
If he still lives in Manly, plenty.
Most successful Manly pro surfers retire to the peninsula. Eg Bain and Lynch .
Where do the unsuccessful ones go? Dapto?
Somewhere between Queenscliff and North Steyne waiting for the once in a generation Barry Lair wave ( overheard Joe Engel call him this ) to carry them home .
Ha! Does Joe know Layne Wynch too?
No idea but the former Bells champ’s name translates in Spanish/German to Hawaiian great Jose Angel .
Were they ever seen in the same room together?
Not unless Qld’s jo made it to Hawaii before 76 or the late Stephen Hawking was wrong and time travel is possible .
I thought we agreed that Pipeline is the Wimbledon of surfing? The KookPond is surely the Super Bowl. What, with all dem wild celebrities, beer commercials, terrible music, Tom Brady making out with Kelly Slater etc.
its the Waste Management Phoenix Open
And what a shit show it is…
The sad thing is that the audience #’s for Premier League Darts crushes anything that the WSL can manufacture on a broadcast for the Founder’s Cup. Darts!
https://youtu.be/nEsqP0i1sx4
lemoore is less
Chas, you missed the most likely reason of all: Pottz is too stupid to think on his feet and tow the party line. Caught with his pants down.
And…Gerr for commentator in 2019. Lighting people on fire on Twitter, even Protégé Coffin.
that might be enough to get me to make a twitter account, wonder if @secretturn is still available
Just to be a pedantic asshoke I believe the term uses the word ‘toe.’ But I could be wrong.
I just noticed I spelled that ‘asshoke’.
I’m owning it.
I thought you did that on purpose. It’s actually a great variation that worked well in the context.
hoke
[hohk]
verb (used with object), hoked, hok·ing.
to alter or manipulate so as to give a deceptively or superficially improved quality or value
p.s.: I advise you all to revisit the Jazzy P article comments and experience the hilarity of m0rt’s vid editing skills!
Fat fingers McChannels
Sounds like an Irish gangster name.
Ah t’be sure t’be sure.
Although: Mac = Irish
Mc = Scottish
/ pedantic asshoke
You’re totally right. My bad. I should spend way more time editing my comments on obscure message boards. Thanks for being a pedantic asshoke.
It’s only obscure to those who don’t come here often. I usually end up editing mine a few times because I suck at typing on this teeny phone.
How hard were they plugging that Founders cup tennis deal at the Tub…….everytime i watched the webby they were smashing it. Even on the beach commentary they were pitching it hard.
This is obviously a major marketing push for Sophie’s Pool Dream……..and a big test case.
Anyone here even remotely considering buying a ticket or know someone who is?
I couldn’t find a single person they were marketing to on the beach the whole week who had it on the radar.
What are you talking about, I’m already wrapped up in my EU flag!
Even if it was ocean based and not lakeside I wouldn’t be excited… too much flag waving and high fives.
I liked the informal, drunken nationalism of team Lick My Balls (LMB) Wonder why on Earth Sarge named it LMB?
It’s been pinned on their twitter for a while now with a dreamy photo of…. Lemoore. And some flags. Idk. I feel like I’m maybe just not the demo for this thing.
Just a reminder…it’s still Fucking Fresno™️
“I live in fucking Santa Barbara. Why the fuck would I want to go to Bakersfield? [sic]” is exactly a thing I said to Chas over the texting.
Apparently, my geographical knowledge of non-coastal California is not that great, really.
you can maybe ride past where James Dean died though
hmm. i might need a little more than that maybe.
That’s where my parents live. As if it wasn’t depressing enough already.
My ex-girlfriend is from and still lives in Fresno so my opinion is not one based on objectivity.
this is entirely reasonable. but also, i’m not sure objectivity changes things all that much.
Subjectively, Gabs has an arm up on the competition in the armpit of California.
Even over Julian,the one armed bandit , stealer of the Coolangatta Gold .
Well let’s face it pretty much everyone who goes to that event will be from the US.
It’s on the same weekend as the Boardroom show in San Diego; I hear quite a few shapers are making the hard choice to go to Lemoore.
Reckon the scheduling is more passive aggressive genius from Kelly?
The board show needs to relocate to the goat pond , it is on the same meaningless level.
Kelly has to be pitching it to his Carmel/Pebble Beach fam
I prefer the Tub’s alter ego Swamp , alluding to the fecund festering underbelly of the modern cement pond ( as Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies would have called it ) wave making thingy.
If the WSL really wants to end the season and crown a Champ from the Top 6 in the Mentawais, they should really just quit the event format and have each competitor submit a three minute clip (filmed on location by camera crew paid for by surfer’s sponsors) to be judged based on the criteria by Pritamo and his Ordinary Men. That would cut costs (no required infrastructure) and allow Swamp Monster Choker Jords and Piggy Choker Jules a chance at their Joel Parkinson Lifetime Achievement Award World Titles. Sounds perfect. Could be like Surfer Poll, but somehow worse.
Julian FUCKS.
Well he has fathered a child… so yes.
in vitro
So have I and that’s when the roots stopped.
3 down and the missus roots like a rabbit
She still look alright though? Mine has Greek in her so I reckon one more and she might blow
Fuck yeah mate – awesome I fund myself checking around, guess because you just do, but geez too good a thing!!! She is a good lady too, to put up with me. Can always just drop yours off the boat buddy!!
She’d sink alright
baaahaha
Wiggolly heed Virgil’s advice! Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes.
Didn’t Michael Jackson also father a child. I am unsure where I’m going with this
Keep going, you’re just warming up to something.
That single fin challenge at Sultans has been more interesting than any WSL event I’ve seen. I hate single fins too. They are Jesus boats.
What does Satan ride?
Byrne six channel? red resin tint, maybe black rails. leash stretching all the way back to hell.
5’10 to 6’0 with a swallow is Satan’s favoured sled
I have three of his boards under my house. Is he omnipotent like God? Worried he might find out.
Under the house next to a dead Britt Merrick is good.
My 5’9″ swallow has pentagrams on it. Does the Dark Lord approve of such a small craft?
I used to ride 5’9″s before my girlfriend started packing my lunch everyday. Who knew the Prince of Darkness could be a fat miserable mess.
Everyone misheard when they thought Satan was the ‘dark lord’. He is in fact the ‘drag lord’. He likes to bogey and he’s s favourite sled is the infamous Morey mach 6-66
Lucifer approves boogie boarding for ages 4 and up.
Satan is a dick dragger? It all makes sense!
Satan is a dick dragger? It all makes sense!
They’re all Satan.
The Fallen Angel rides anything that God would disapprove of . Just to shit him !
What if he had said Lemoore?
no way he could get that out without a chuckle. i can’t believe i’m saying this but Turpel is starting to grow on me, throwing old Pottz under the bus like that, knowing his authenticity would prove too cumbersome
You know what I was amazed how much Turpel was throwing the commentary into Pottz’s past, getting him to talk about everything from 1981 to 1992 on pretty much a constant basis. It didn’t feel accidental, it felt planned. Are they trying to balance the equation a bit? Selling the future, claiming the past?
Damn I shoulda saved that for the Bells coverage eh.
use it again, like anybody reads BG. and yeah, striving for continuity? bringing in Bugs to talk about IPS days and everything.