And a judging scale that seemed artificially tweaked to reward mediocrity…
Kelly Slater, when asked by Kaipo Guerrero about his thoughts on the impact of Day one of the Founders’ Cup held in a wave system in central California, admitted “I’m in the woods, I’m biased”.
I also offer a similar caveat. I tried so hard to come with an open mind but it’s impossible, three years into the life of the Kelly Slater Wave Ranch, to not have a fully formed opinion locked down.
The reality was a majority mind numbing predictable safety surfing and a judging scale that seemed artificially tweaked to reward mediocrity.
A structural problem is the novelty paradox. After three years of (admittedly brilliant) drip feed marketing from wavepool owners WSL there wasn’t much left to reveal. The promise was futuristic progression on tap, in a stadium atmosphere.
The reality was a majority mind-numbing predictable safety surfing and a judging scale that seemed artificially tweaked to reward mediocrity. When is a tube not a tube? When a surfer can crouch under the lip, fully visible, with a shot clock that I want to borrow in the bedroom for my next sexual performance. To put it delicately, it was flattering. I thought it not possible to score the tube. How could they? When you know it is coming you are basically scoring people for crouching down. They scored the tube.
The tub is killing Raimana, he looks pre-diabetic. Hope he’s going to be OK.
The steady beat of the action, was nice. The leaderboard, when they displayed it, was welcome. There is the germ of a very good idea there. But it didn’t quite work as designed. By mid-way through the second round I’d completely lost touch with the scoring and the leaderboard. It seemed arbitrary and disconnected from reality. When Kaipo said “historic day” I twitched, by the close of the first round I had developed a visceral loathing of Chris Cote, and he seems like a very nice gentleman who has never done a thing wrong by me. The tub is killing Raimana, he looks pre-diabetic. Hope he’s going to be OK.
The left is a porcine joke, suitable for foam climbs and not much else and punctuated by a toy tube section at the end. The most cringeworthy moment of the day came when Pete Mel started yelping like a drowning puppy when Slater did three foam climbs in a row on his penultimate wave of the day. Progression? We see things with different eyes Peter Mel, but if you can tell me that a foam climb on a head high wave was avante-garde any time after 1997 I speak for the surf world in calling your judgement into question.
The right is a decent simulacrum of a high-performance wave except the majority of it can only be surfed with rail free fins only snaps. Anyone trying to engage the rail properly left or right, except as a very finishing manouevre was summarily executed and left to stand in knee high water in front of five thousand fans. Were they baying fans? The broadcast gave no sense of fan engagement except when Kelly did a victory lap with golf claps or took the long walk back down the side of the pool, separated from California’s finest by only a moat of grey-green freshwater and a concrete wall.
The most cringeworthy moment of the day came when Pete Mel started yelping like a drowning puppy when Slater did three foam climbs. Progression? We see things with different eyes Peter Mel, but if you can tell me that a foam climb on a head high wave was avante-garde any time after 1997 I speak for the surf world in calling your judgement into question.
I felt for the camera-men. A staple wide-shot before the train left the station was grim, industrial, like something scripted by Solzhenitsyn. There were no easy options for attractive cutaways, no gals, no beach; just shimmering heatwaves and beer in plastic cups. Round one ended and it was still black on the East Coast of Australia. I tried to catch some sleep but I felt so cold. So bone chilled cold that my blood felt frozen. When I woke, the future was there waiting for me.
No gender disparity existed, as far as I could see. Lakey Peterson and Tyler Wright turned as hard, or harder than men. Carissa Moore and Steph Gilmore rode deeper and more reliably in the tube.
The gals were a revelation. No gender disparity existed, as far as I could see. Lakey Peterson and Tyler Wright turned as hard, or harder than men. Carissa Moore and Steph Gilmore rode deeper and more reliably in the tube. Frankie Harrer from Team Europe: her beat was nice.The inclusion of mainstream CBS sports reporter, the sharp and savvy Jamie Erdahl lifted the mood in the pressers. Fresh blood is desperately needed in the booth.
Drama was hard to come by. The inter-country concept is well tried and well tested in international sport but they need to rejig the format to have any sense of real competition between nations. Tomorrow maybe different. I still cannot understand the format but it looks like there will be a sense of surfers from different nations surfing against each other.
Was the CBS broadcast live when Parko was marooned for an hour by mechanical failure? That must have kept Sophie up at night. Sharks, onshore winds and flat spells are a hazard but the breakdown of the train is a stalking horse that trumps all as a boner kill. Still, it gave us one of the days many delicious ironies: 1978 World Champion Wayne Bartholomew filling dead air detailing the reasoning for the Dream Tour – World’s Best surfers in the World’s Best waves – with the pan cake flat lake as a back drop behind the Michelob encrusted glass.
When play resumed Parko made a wave, his first for the day. He wasn’t the only one to struggle. John Florence fell on both his opening waves… runs? What’s the terminology for these things now, and looked truly and wretchedly discombobulated standing in the shallows. He fell again on his left before loosing the one truly progressive, albeit utterly predictable, air of the day: a tail-high inverted reverse with an incredible landing.
Based on what I saw today I would have Team Brazil first place. Judges have them languishing second last, below the cut. Filipe was the best surfer in the house, daylight second, even if his ten-point ride had a whiff of (historical) desperation about it. Still, he was the only surfer during the whole day to punt mid way through the ride. Another irony, bitter this time: the predictability of man-made perfection was designed and sold on the premise of loosing creativity and risk.
Based on the evidence from today, it has done exactly the opposite.
More to come etc etc.
Founders’ Cup of Surfing Qualifying Runs:
L1 = First Lefthand Wave
R1 = First Righthand Wave
United States:
Lakey Peterson – L1: 6.6, R1: 7.83, L2: 2.77, R2: 7.93
Kolohe Andino – L1: 8.5, R1: 6.00, L2: 8.8, R2: 7.43
Carissa Moore – L1: 7.43, R1: 9.27, L2: 8.37, R2: 9.43
John John Florence – L1: 3.43, R1: 6.63, L2: 5.3, R2: 9.8
Kelly Slater – L1: 8.80, R1: 8.47, L2: 8.6, R2: 7.87
USA Team Total: 80.83
Australia:
Tyler Wright – L1: 4.83, R1: 9.1, L2: 6.4, R2: 9.33
Joel Parkinson – L1: 3.5, R1: 6, L2: 3.53, R2: 7.4
Mick Fanning – L1: 7.43, R1: 8, L2: 9.07, R2: 8.43
Stephanie Gilmore – L1: 8.63, R1: 8.23, L2: 5.53, R2: 2.17
Matt Wilkinson – L1: 8.37, R1: 3.83, L2: 4.5, R2:6.43
Australia Team Total: 75.82
World:
Bianca Buitendag – L1: 7.6, R1: 2.5, L2: 6.77, R2: 4.93
Kanoa Igarashi – L1: 2.17, R1: 8.83, L2: 3.87, R2: 4.5
Michel Bourez – L1: 8.8, R1: 7.5, L2: 5.5, R2: 4.5
Jordy Smith – L1: 7.27, R1: 9.07, L2: 8.87, R2: 4.53
Paige Hareb – L1: 7.53, R1: 7.93, L2: 7.43, R2: 8.33
World Team Total: 75.33
Brazil:
Taina Hinckel – L1: 2.17, R1: 4.17, L2: 5.5, R2: 4.1
Filipe Toledo – L1: 7.83, R1: 6.93, L2: 4.2, R2: 10
Gabriel Medina – L1: 6.67, R1: 7.83, L2: 6.87, R2: 9.17
Adriano de Souza – L1: 6.83, R1: 7.93, L2: 3.93 R2: 4.93
Silvana Lima – L1: 5.5, R1: 7.73, L2: 5.67, R2: 8.33
Brazil Team Total: 72.3
Europe:
Frankie Harrer – L1: 5.73, R1: 1.93, L2:5.87, R2: 3.83
Leonardo Fioravanti – L1: 8, R1: 8.17, L2: 3.73, R2: 9.57
Johanne Defay – L1: 6.67, R1: 0.77, L2: 5.33 R2: 7
Frederico Morais – L1: 7.17, R1: 3.07, L2: 7.17, R2: 6.77
Jeremy Flores – L1: 8, R1: 8.47, L2: 8.77, R2: 7.77
Europe Team Total: 72.12
I had more of a problem with the team format than the surfing – the show on the first day ended jarringly after team USA went and we did not get to see anyone surf “against” them.
Couldn’t be more boring. On the other hand I sincerely hope most of the worlds lineup dorks to embrace this idea.
Like the scene in the Tom Hanks movie BiG. “ I don’t get it”. Mind numbingly soul crushing boring on a epic scale that only the WSL wannabe tennis/football tour could create. I’ve had more entertainment watching snails walk across a sidewalk. What’s with flying in and parading the ancient surf fossils in front of the screen. Ian can’t even ride a proper Surfboard. Poor Fred is like 85 . PT is 90 pounds north of his fighting weight. So sad . How does Kelly even contain that giant ego let alone surf with such a massive cranium. Thank god for the ocean and a few perfect waves!!!!!
Airs were lame.
Barrels achievable by any competent surfer with enough reps.
The women out surfed the men likely because the wave prefers a lighter touch.
All in all, pretty boring. Last time I will watch a pool boarding event.
Kelly appeared the most athletic surfer out there. His last wave he did this bottom turn like a cheetah fully extended in pursuit of a gazelle. It was freakish Kelly on full volume. If he wants to win WSL events, he still can. Foot doesn’t seem to be an issue.
JJF seemed pretty disengaged.
They should refer to not making barrels as “getting flushed”.
Lets double down on this- how about they make an A-frame peak and score perfect synchronicities- bring back the Hopgood twins even!
Surf Ranch?
The lawn bowls of surfing!
I watched bits of euro and Brazil twillo and then remembered the vans pool party was on. I got over it pretty quickly. Broadcast shooting is so much different to what I do so I can’t really comment on production from a professional stand point. But less downtime from the machine would help keep my interest up that’s for sure. I would love to seee a cut that embraces all the tech I’m sure they try to hide it from the competition but some sort concept shoot like the one stab did a few gear ago would be cool to see. But yeah pretty ho hum actually long Tom nailed it I hope there reading. I’m really looking forward to what Webber is going to bring to the table. Any updates there anybody, Derek?
I think they need to use an angled mesh/screen to mimic the effect of coarse sand/small rocks that would be installed over the top of their existing perimeter trough. The whitewater from each wave runs up the slope and dissipates through the holes in the mesh into the trough beneath. If it was maybe a 50/50 split in area between the holes and the solid material the wave would still slosh up it, soaking through and losing energy as it worked against gravity and the friction of the screen, then after the wave reaches it’s maximum run-up, the remaining energy and water would all soak through the holes as it tried to flow back down the screen towards the pool.
If the return trough under the screen was full of, lets say head-sized boulders, then these would moderate any surges within the trough itself while leaving lots of room for the water to flow back to level.
Have you noticed, there’s a guy in a blue jersey and a useless board under his arm, looking like Strider and wandering the pool looking for purpose. Please give this man a job.
I have told you before, I am not interested. if you are into that kind of thing then good for you. its not my thing and you need to respect that. your advances are wasted on me, take them else where.
Thanks LT, I hope your gig continues this year of reporting from afar, our Vox Populi. The obsession to see what happens means that there are far greater forces at play – https://samharris.org/podca…
oh the barrels! i meant to write about that! it really highlighted for me how much the drop matters in watching barrels. the actual crouching in the barrel part is not usually the most interesting part of the thing, i think.
Think they need to slingshot surfers into the opening section with a big elastic band slung between two half-protuding fingers pointing at the camera….
See Jen See’s article above. She was there and didn”t know either.
Fanning exit from the tour has to be more from his headspace vs ability. He looked good maybe not progressive but better than most. Which contestant will brake ranks and speak the truth. Looks to me they are having a hard time selling the stoke..
they are creating a baseline for interest to be heavily surveyed for predicting risk/reward on investment, Kevin Costner put lights up, Ziff and crew not as eager to cut down too much corn as they are to cut the minimal amount
Is everyone injecting cocaine?
to satisfy his business deal with Biolas
I was hoping he’d somehow fuck up and get in the way or go over the falls. Or drop in.
XXXL waves, sharks and tanned big titted blondes are the only interesting things in surfing.
The rest is for surfers