But who will win?
It is Sunday morning in America and what a fine week stretches out behind us. There was the Oi Rio Pro and its eventual champion Filipe Toledo saving professional surfing from mechanical boredom. There was Steph Gilmore admitting to wanting so much more. There was the death of the greatest surf writer to ever live and there was a massive protest in front of the Duke Kahanamoku statue fronting Honolulu’s famed Waikiki beach.
But there wasn’t any Olympic surf news. Oh earlier in the fine week I read that Joey Buran is the United States Olympic Surf Team coach and will go head to head against Bede Durbo (Australia) and Charlie Medina (Brazil) for international bragging rights, fame* and fortune** but the news did not crack BeachGrit’s slider… until now.
The Olympics, as you well know, will take place exactly two years from now in Tokyo, Japan and surfing is officially included. A Kelly Slater wave pool is being built near Tokyo and I do believe there is language in the contract that allows the Olympic competition to be held there, the organizers still dream of hosting a natural event. The official Tokyo 2020 website states affirmatively:
The competition will take place on the open ocean, where the condition of the waves, the direction and strength of the wind, and the height of the tides will all be factors. No two waves are alike, making surfing a competition against nature as much as it is a contest between the competing athletes.
And the phrase “…surfing a competition against nature…” certainly made me stop and think. Do you feel like you are competing against nature when you surf? Do the professionals? It seems very antagonistic but maybe we are? Destroying nature the best we can while laughing maniacally? Smashing nature into the ground to show it who’s boss? This “competition against nature” bit sure does make it easier to ride very toxic surfboards and litter without pause. Smearing sunscreen all over before surfing reef passes, etc.
In this “competition against nature” which country wins? The United States of America are early favorites but Australia spews out exactly as much CO2 per capita as its erstwhile cousin and Brazil actively chops its rain forests down as quickly as it possibly can. A lot closer than it appears at first glance, no?
Go USA!
When is my dude going to explain the qualifying standards for the US team? Because that seems important, maybe.
For the US team in general or more specifically for the 2020 Olympics. I think they are significantly different.
Here is the Olympic Qualification plan from the ISA:
http://isasurf.org/download…
Oh this looks more straightforward than I had understood it to be. So top eight in the CT go — for women, at least. Then it gets more complicated, but still not that hard to sort.
Jesus y’all can’t quit whining about how surfing is defined.
It’s words and they’re weird
Surfing is surfing and sometimes it’s different.
I’m in Tokyo right this moment…..where is this “WAVEFARM” thingamajig?….I want to see it isn’t some rumor you wet blankets are throwing out there…..👺👹😎😉
Do you have any proof that this is actually being built in near Tokyo? You’re talking about a huge parcel of land, Tokyo has some of the most expensive real estate in the world. This is maybe a 50 to 100 million dollar minimum investment {with the land), using already inferior artificial waves,. And this wave pool may not even be able to turn a profit after the Olympics are over and gone. All sounds a little sketchy. Maybe you need to do some fact-checking.
Fact-Checking? This is beachgrit! Thet dont need any damn fact-checking. Fake news FTW!
Am I the only one who has no idea who the fuck Joey Buran is. I’m not out googling it either.
Yes you are. We are old over here. Most people even know who Mike Hynson is.
Let me help you! Joey Buran was the first US mainland surfer to win the Pipe Masters (1984). Joey, from Carlsbad, totally bucked the shitty CA scared-of-surfing trend in the mid to late 1970s when along with the legendary Bud Llamas, he was invited to the first ever Australian Pro Junior event in 1977 and subsequently got stuck right into being a pro surfer, yes even before Tom Curren or even the NSSA. All time hyper energetic character, v hard not to like Joey. Subsequently went full Christian and started his own church. He’s the perfect coach for the US Olympic team.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
It was in legit Pipeline as well, Looks like he took out Tom Carroll, Derek Ho, Wayne Bartholomew, and Occy in the final.
Oh man it was legit all right. I surfed Sunset all morning that day, it was HEAVY. Snapped a leash, did the swim, ate three hot dogs from that weird hot dog stand that used to set up at Sunset, then lay on the sand at Pipe all arvo and watched Joey rule it. Big points for it I reckon, it’s not like Derek or Tom were slouches at Pipe or anywhere else.
And yeah PSAA of course. Right there at the start of all things Neon. Everything becomes classic, given time.
I was just a grom and was always amazed at Joey surfing our local Tamarack reef break in Carlsbad. At 17, Joey was only several years older than me and my crew, but was light years beyond what we were doing.
“Subsequently went full Christian and started his own church.”
Oh fuck not another one.
God, save us from your believers.
Oh man I had the smoking hottest girlfriend when I was 19, she was 21, 5’2″ petite stacked, beautiful, bright and fun. Great at sex. She went to one of Joey Buran’s loudly praise Jesus with guitars on the beach evenings. “I’m getting more committed to Christ, but know that my religion will never get between us.”
I was 19 and thought, oh cool we’re good. Two weeks and two meetings later she moved out. Two weeks after that I saw her snogging one of the Christian surfers who seemed to have a bit of station in the beach singing. Motherfuckers! Learned a lesson that day: yep, every “cult” is all about ass, the rest is window dressing.
And the postscript:
I was teenage-devastated for a while, then slowly got over it, not really giving it a second thought a couple of month later. One day I dropped through my folks’ house when no one was home and saw the Ujena bikini catalog on the kitchen counter, probably targeted to one of my sisters, but to a 19 year boy in the porn-desert that was the 1980’s this thing was worth its weight in gold. I scuttled off to privacy and began flipping through the pages while enthusiastically entertaining myself. About halfway through on both counts I turned a page and there my girl was, butt to the camera, twisting seductively so all and sundry would know she was blessed with more than a great ass. I was overcome with a wave of upset I’d thought I was well over. Don’t recall perfectly but maybe a tear trickle. And through the continuing sadness I persevered, because sad or not there was work to be done. I don’t like to throw around the word “hero,” but …
Cute story Pac~NorthPest…
It seems like ya learned, a long time ago, that just because ya put your wiener inside a beautiful gal, well bro, you do not own her. Hahaha!!!
She can, and she will, do what~ever she wants, it’s her body, her mind.
Been there, done it too, so I’ve too learned don’t get too attached to ’em, ya know? Give a woman her respect, her freedom, but F*** her good+hard when ya getta chance! My last girl~ie, aged 31, many years younger than me at aged 56 today, whom I just saw/chatted with the other day, well knows that’s how I roll, so ah
she can hang with me if she likes, + F***in’ bail if/when she start’s kookin’ it, hahaha…
RW
But she told me things, with words, about our “connection”!! How was I to know I didn’t own her? 😉
Anyway, ancient history. And like all the ancient history in my life, from nowadays perspective I’m sure I dodged a bullet and she did me a favor. In retrospect she seemed destined to be a Christian Poway soccer mom by age 25. Getting dragged down that dark alley would have broken me, though at the time I’d have gone willingly …
Even the greatest of intellects can be swayed by some hot ass. Such is our (men’s) curse.
But from Poway you would have been just a (somewhat) short drive down the 52 freeway to the beachies of Del Mar.
Way to battle through the scars of a love lost. A true hero indeed. LeBron James and most of the WSL punks should take note.
I’m chimin’ in too,
because after The California Kid, aka Joey Buran
retired from competing on The World Tour, he started up, here in California,
The Professional Surfing Association of America. The P.S.A.A.
I used to have a thick photo album with a buncha sheee~it in it,
1 pic was of a paycheck that Joey signed to me, from some contest in Ventura, gotta say that it was pretty bitchin’ for a local Venice dude to receive some $$ for winnin’ a few heats, from a legendary dude who was California’s 1st Pipe Master, ya know?
Buran’s P.S.A.A. Tour gave many a local Calif. ripper a chance try their luck as a local pro, see if they were good enough to go further, it helped American surfers gain more confidence, experience+skill to go up against The Aussies, who dominated World surfing back then. A lot of excellent American surfers owe Joey a lil’ gratitude for what he started. Even WSL reporters Peter, Kaipo, + lil’ Strider. Heck, Kelly too.
Esh, you could even earn a decent paycheck for riding a few waves in a 20 minute heat, takin’, what’d Warshaw say(?), your free~surf attack + makin’ it work in a heat, yea! Joey Buran is an excellent choice for Team U.S.A. coach, in my humble opinion…
Your user name seems more than fitting, but I probably don’t know all of the Pipeline champs from other countries. Me being from Carlsbad is a bit of a help. If you live here and don’t know JB, I think they kick you out. #CarlsbadBoardriders .
The head on it.
Who are the two tarts drinking urine in the background? They don’t look like surfers.
Is drinking urine now trending? Doesn’t surprise me. I’ll take mine in a jar please. Only a jar.
two words, golden shower…
They just taste it, it’s part of the new anti doping protocol.
That’s actually Owen Wright on the left.
You could be onto something there. Do you think he might be on the transformer medication? Bowing out of events early to have a labia reallignment or some other sort of vaginal tune up? More to come.
It’s about time a competing CT surfer transitioned.
I’m somewhat surprised you didn’t bring in the head injury for this one.
“Do you think he might be on the transformer medication”
Are you saying Negatron will have a battle soon?
They look very comfortable in that setting. I’d say their snouts are in the trough, good on them.
They were talking about competitive surfing, right? I guess they tried (with much difficulty) to make a parallel with competition between surfers.
There are plenty of questions I’d like to ask those people at the olympic comitee:
Why is gymnastic rythmic only for women?
Why are equestrian competitions mixed events? And why do they give the medal to the human, and not to the horse?
Why is there beach volleyball, and not beach anything else? Like beach boxing, or beach equestrian dressage?
And more than that, why surfing is not in the list of olympic sports on olympic.org?
I demand sparkly costumes and surf routines set to music!!!
…and that’s just for my own sessions.
I vote for Denmark. Filthy, filthy little country striking ecological poses in front of a green screen.
https://www.google.com/amp/…
The only reason Denmark kicked our ass is because all our lazy-ass homeless people are not carrying their weight. I will try to do/drive/buy more.
Well his teeth are fake, so the wave must be!
If he paid for that grill I hope they gave him a discount, his smile is creepy.
I have had extensive work done and seem a lot of veneers but that’s like where they went from trying to look natural to “gary busey”.
that grill is legendary
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
they’re not even the same shape
obvs
Hey… Is Double J Single F!!!
I always knew this moffo is a cheater!!!
Cold sore too so it’s confirmed he has herpes.
I mean we probably do too, glass houses and all that.
Yeah I’ve got it too but it’s only a disgrace in a professional environment. It’s a badge of honour down at the RSL.
I Just entered wigs territory left a little Easter egg, dunno how long it’s gonna last with negs go check out the schroff shit lmao
Who doesn’t?