Chas Smith: “Forget me! I’ve found paradise!”

And it ain't Waco (flaming death) or Lemoore (smell of shit)!

Not every wave has a corresponding beach town and not every beach town has a corresponding wave but when the two collide oooee what a treat!

Marg River, Hossegor, Mundaka, La Jolla spring instantly to mind though there are many others and I would imagine, in this era of the wave pool, mayors from Waco to Lemoore are dreaming beach town dreams and of the beach town tourist dollars.

Of course they will never come. Waco is marked by flaming death. Lemoore is marked by the smell of shit. Inland towns might be cute, they might be quaint, but they will never be beach towns.

Which makes me think, in this era of the wave pool, that the beach town is a more valuable commodity than a wave.

Of course they will never come. Waco is marked by flaming death. Lemoore is marked by the smell of shit. Inland towns might be cute, they might be quaint, but they will never be beach towns.

I am currently in a very perfect one not far from Copenhagen but not necessarily close either.

I will not tell you where it is because, at my core I’m a surfer and as such like to keep secrets and am a selfish bastard. But there are amazing spandauer, coffee to die for, meals that melt a heart and vistas for days and days and days and days.

I might stay here forever.

Find your own damned beach town.

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SoCalGary
SoCalGary
8 years ago

Chas, do you have to surf to be a surfer? Asking for a friend.

ricmatic
ricmatic
8 years ago

Is Dane a Dane?

astro
astro
8 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Travis would know.

J H
J H
8 years ago

I’ve nearly frozen to death in August in Gothenburg.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
8 years ago

Copenhagen is a beautiful city full of beautiful girls, but it is expensive as hell!

J H
J H
8 years ago

And FUCKING miserable in the 10 month winter season.

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

Now there’s some truth. Once way back I met a stunningly beautiful, free-spirited blonde in Copenhagen who by the third day of our young romance told me she was 3 months pregnant and wanted me to come with her to a cabin on top of a Norwegian fjord where we’d be snowed in and I could help her have the baby. I bolted like in cartoon when suddenly just a hat is left hanging in the air

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
8 years ago

Unfortunately the Danish men are a fairly handsome and healthy bunch too, so I’m not sure how that affects ones chances! Any regrets, you could have stuck around for another 3 days?

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

Yeah they are great looking too the men. So handsome the Danish people, definitely a good plan to go maurading and steal a the best looking women way back when.

I was 21 years old and on my great roam-around at the time and even minor commitment repulsed me like the wrong side of a magnet. So snowed in with a newborn infant? I was on a beach Greece in less than 48 hours.

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
8 years ago

Plenty of Scandinavian’s in the Greek isles so win win I say

Cap'n Crunch
Cap'n Crunch
8 years ago

Brah, somehow my ugly Latin mug bagged me plenty of Scandinavians the world over. I honest to death couldn’t understand why they’d want to hang with me.

astro
astro
8 years ago
Reply to  Cap'n Crunch

I know how ya feel, Cappy.
It’s a curse.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago
Reply to  Cap'n Crunch

Cap’n back from the dead!

Cap'n Crunch
Cap'n Crunch
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Never really left. Voyeurism is more of my M.O.

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago
Reply to  Cap'n Crunch

Scanners love a Latin man. You are an exotic flower to every ice queen sick to death of ice kings! My very average looking black roommate from college horizontally rampaged through most of Northern Europe. I look German, which did me few favors north or south …

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago

I love going to Coastal Towns far removed from swell windows, removes all angst of what could and should be happening in the water.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Be careful what you wish for ,

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago

I’m at a time in my life where Surfings becoming a hassle. I might go buy some Croc’s and solar shield sunglasses to seal the deal.

ricmatic
ricmatic
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I was just thinking about this. Sometimes when I know I can’t surf for a while, I’m actually relieved.
No swell, tide, crowd checking, lying to work/loved ones, guilt etc.

Not surfing is a healthy pastime.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

You blokes are surfing too much if your looking forward to days off ! Very jealous . Having 9 months off each year since 2012 is more than enough to last me a life time.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
8 years ago

Time to set up a wave pool in Kiel! You’d make a fortune – really!

ricmatic
ricmatic
8 years ago

Take solace in the fact that my 360/540 vert poke sucks and perhaps, always will.

longtom
longtom
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

camo crocs.

Dee Walker
Dee Walker
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Wow that sounds shit lol change your lifestyle

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago
Reply to  Dee Walker

Partly because I’m too busy building a house 8 stone throws from a pretty decent break…

GiGi
GiGi
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I have redefined the concept of “3 waves in 15 mins” while the wife works from home and the kids play in low tide pools , unattended….. it has become a hassle/ hustle

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Danes have a semblance of surf sometimes

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

Is there good coke in this town?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

Looks like it comes in bottles ?

wincy
wincy
8 years ago

I think in every city in Europe there is from what my hairdresser tells me

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  wincy

Hairdressers know more than journalists and unlike doctors and lawyers they have no ethical restrictions on revealing juicy info .

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

and river “surfing”..

?uzzled
?uzzled
8 years ago

Being an American, I would eat random Danish pussy and feel refined, this must be what it is all about. Perhaps this how people with a college degree feel all of the time?

wincy
wincy
8 years ago
Reply to  ?uzzled

How does a human select pussy at random please explain in less than 30 words by the end of your day.

?uzzled
?uzzled
8 years ago
Reply to  wincy

Legal prostitution.

wincy
wincy
8 years ago
Reply to  ?uzzled

So you just ask the brothel to line them up then ask them to secretly number themselves then you pick a number? Or maybe a saucy little game of musical chairs?

?uzzled
?uzzled
8 years ago
Reply to  wincy

Exactly!

Jonathan Utah
Jonathan Utah
8 years ago

Or, you could be stuck surfing at a certain pacific nw town, which is itself a flaming turd, on a semi regular basis.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan Utah

Or at the US Open right now at 1ft H Pier ?

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan Utah

Ah well at least a lot of good folks out there. Would be nice if you could get something fast and good to eat though, I’m always starving and in a hurry and nothing but white trash supermarket fried chicken fingers to grab on the run ….

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

The other day I went to the North Sea with wife and kids , a trolley with picnic , tent , kiddies’ buckets and spades and all the family paraphernalia and even a f’in portable fridge which I dragged up and down the dike that protects the land from the sea and then across 800 m of beach to get to the high tide mark and not a wave in sight . A beach where you can’t and never will surf is never going to be something to write home about even if you were sunbaking naked and reading while enjoying the joys of oral sex .

Walter Pepekay
Walter Pepekay
8 years ago

Mmmh, sounds like you had a great afternoon anyway, James!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago

I do wonder what kind of impact this has had on your kids’ lives though. Trying to build a sandcastle while the old man is sprawled out on a beach towel getting a blowie from mum is not the sort of childhood memories you would harken back to.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

I believe I wrote even if ? Glad to see you are still capable of being shocked . There was nude sunbathing along with inlaws and wife’s best friend but no reading or oral sex . That was in my younger single days in France with nude sunbathing reading and enjoying oral sex in between sessions at a beach with world class waves .

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago

That sounds genuinely wonderful but for the inlaws and wife.

ricmatic
ricmatic
8 years ago

Can I upvote the inlaws bit twice? I can’t find the button.

BG brings out the Rodney Dangerfield in me.

and yes, Im a hundred.

Walter Pepekay
Walter Pepekay
8 years ago

OK for the younger days, the nude sunbathing and the world class waves. But reading AND enjoying oral sex? At the same time? Do you remember what you were reading?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Walter Pepekay

No, have no idea what I was reading ,and had walked for 30minutes from the madding crowd waiting for the tide to come over a mid tide bank to turn on , when all of a sudden , I felt hands then lips and was ordered by my French girlfriend ,of the time ,to keep reading , so I did .

Walter Pepekay
Walter Pepekay
8 years ago

That’s reading motivation!

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
8 years ago

Obviously didn’t grow up in Denmark in the 60s, Wiggs.

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago

He is on the Kattegat, near Gilleleje?

Or perhaps, Bornholm that quaint Danish ‘surfing’ island in south Baltic?

I will pop across from the Swedish ‘surfing’ town of Varberg to collect some booze from him.

As these nordic ‘surf’ https://uploads.disquscdn.c… towns are my second home I understand the allure!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

Must be wonderful in November with those classic storms with howling SW winds ?

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago

Howling SW winds = ‘waves’ at Åsa, Sweden West coast. It is all novelty fun, with physically beautiful albeit stoic people.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

Catch one for me next time you’re there please DA . The Baltic ain’t the Mediterranean and tough climates tend to breed tough people ?

Blade
Blade
8 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

Sult,..an island in that region gets waves,other than that chas is having us all on

longtom
longtom
8 years ago

get home Chas. this danish fixation is unbecoming.

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
8 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Come on now, everyone loves a Danish. And they had bluetooth over a thousand years before the rest of the world!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

Unlike Australia where the CSIRO invented Wi-FI but with such a dodgy network outside the major cities its a miracle when it works ?

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
8 years ago

Oh I meant Harald Bluetooth. Not sure how much he worked either, to be honest. But he did have a great name.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

I was told he was a dentist for smurfs and the first Christian King of Denmark ,following in the footsteps of Constantine and Clovis .

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
8 years ago

That’s more info than I could have provided. I just drop names around willy nilly.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

I just like Clovis because his name would eventually become Louis which is the name of my best mate’s dog .

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
8 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

I thought it was because they invented the blueberry danish. Blueberry being the fruit version of spinach and all.

Jen See
Jen See
8 years ago
Reply to  longtom

it is weird, yes. also, i mean, there’s the whole problem of winter. so it’s not like you’d really want to stay there forever.

J H
J H
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen See

Can confirm…Scandinavian winters are the devil incarnate.

Jen See
Jen See
8 years ago
Reply to  J H

I have been to northern Europe in winter and it was intensely unpleasant. Scandinavia would be next level, and not in a good way.

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Denmark is an environmentally filthy, explicitly racist, tax cheating, cancer ridden, perversely provincial oil state masquerading as a clean living wonderland peopled by morally superior world citizens. For a full accounting read Michael Booth’s The Almost Nearly Perfect People. It’s Chas Smithian in the way it remorselessly bites the hand that feeds it!

Fucking love the place. I’m betting Chas is somewhere between Hornbaek and Gilleleje, absorbing the unearned sense of superiority.

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

…with a high proportion of insanely beautiful looking people.

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago

Lovely area.

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

to be sure. Are you Scandinavian? Did you know Dutch surfer Mandy Smit? Long shot but she had a huge network of friends on the North Sea …

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago

I am not Scandinavian, my partner is. Although, I lived there for awhile. I go back 4-5 times a year. I do not know Many Smit. It is a larger community than imagined. Anyway, Dutch is not Scandinavian haha When in Scandinavia we surf the Kattegat, Skagerak and Baltic. Small bodies of water which are a bit like ‘lake surfing’. Novelty value. Although, in winter they are more consistent than one imagines. Done Poland too, which was funny and 3ft and offshore ffs. Pretty funny.


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