I'm on my knees here... begging!
I have zero skills. It finally dawned on me just this past weekend after forty-odd years on earth. I have zero skills, not one, and am impossibly slow. Muddled. Addled. Swimming through the world in a fog of half-firing synapses which I think genius in the moment only to realize much later exactly what they are. Half-fired, half-baked, super-balls of dumb bouncing around inside my skull.
Pinging off my cortexes.
I’ve shared the story here about my job as a seventeen-year-old bussing tables at Coos Bay’s Red Lion, no?
There I was, doing my best bringing water, iced tea, clearing dishes, etc. I didn’t enjoy the work but gave it my all. One night, after my shift had ended, the manager pulled me aside and said, “Look, you need to find a way to speed up here a little. Everyone else is in 5th gear and you’re in 3rd.”
It so incensed me that I went home, stuffed my uniform in a paper bag, scribbled “I quit asshole!” on it, drove back and tossed it at the Red Lion’s door.
3rd gear. How dare he. I was born for greatness. I was bound for glory.
Forty-odd years on earth and I realize he was exactly right. I’m stuck in 3rd because that’s all I have. And even my 3rd gear is showing clear signs of crapping out.
Well, we make do and carry on, don’t we? We do the best we can with what we were given, right?
And right now the super-ball of dumb is bouncing up and down, up on down, up and down on the brain cells spitting out the phrase “Interview the World Surf League’s new President of Content, Media and WSL Studios. Interview Erik Logan.”
I made a public request here, yesterday. Another public request via podcast. Another private request through the proper WSL channels. Another private request via Instagram direct message.
And haven’t heard a thing back yet so am going on Erik Logan watch. I’m going to perch here counting down the hours, minutes, days until I get a response because he is the President of Content and Media for pity’s sake and that is all I have been doing for the past 15 years of my 3rd gear life. Making surf content for surf media. I’ve written two books and thousands of articles made two surf films and recorded near 100 podcasts.
Oh of course I’m not bragging. Who could possibly brag about making surf content for surf media? I’m just saying, like Erik Logan, it is what I do.
If he doesn’t respond what do you think is the reason? Because the WSL refuses to be bullied into an interview? Because the powers don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior? Because I’ve sullied the relationship beyond repair? Because BeachGrit is a small fish in their big potential sea?
Well, whatever the reason I’ll be here again when the sun rises wanting to pick his brain, wanting to see how he imagines the world of professional surfing should look, wanting to know what stories he thinks are important for our little surfing world.
I have one skill, I suppose, at the end. A profound lack of shame.
See you tomorrow Erik!
He doesn’t surf and is not a surfer. Standing up in the whitewater on a huge foamy for a couple of seconds is not really surfing.
I actually do have all the money I need and I don’t screw up any more than any other human does as they go through the motions.
Seriously man, what is going on in your life right now that compels you to obsessively troll and comment with such fervor on this quasi-retarded little internet forum?
Are you ok? Are you bored out of your mind? Frustrated with yourself in some way? I’m not taking the piss here, in my experience when someone is acting out it’s usually because of some kind of imbalance elsewhere and the person isn’t being honest with themselves.
Go do something that’s actually worthy of your time because this isn’t it.
Yeah, a Kelly pool as a back-up would be ideal for Japan. Surely it would make profit there too. And you’d imagine with Japan’s advanced technological know-how, an even more improved wave pool there could be quite an extraordinary thing. Hope Dirk and/or Fernando have some wealthy business contacts in Japan to help work on this and produce the goods on time. Otherwise as spectators we may be left hoping to see some typhoon activity for decent wave action. That, and everything else re wave pool, is still possible…
No nothing wrong with that, depending on one’s own lifestyle v sport perspective of course. I and no doubt many others, yourself included i suspect, are stoked Duke’s surfing Olympic vision is finally coming to fruition. Though i am a little concerned about the wave quality in Japan middle of summer. Let’s hope that Dirk and Fernando, and the two respective organizations, will come to some sort of fair arrangement in Japan 2020, and beyond, that works best for all. We shall see.
Philip Marcus directed Tyson’s Undisputed Truth.
“The Undisputed Truth” did not write Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone. Barrett Strong and Norman Whitfield co-wrote the song. The Undisputed Truth were the first to record it, but Whitfield had the Temptations record it also.
ah so you might know me?
announcer or do you mean commentator?
thrusterfuck …and wavepool that caters only for the rich elite , and Kelly who is trying to destroy the USA surfboard business , yeah that was an acomplishment , just like hitler and those ovens , great , greater than great!
Careful with your argument there Brutus, you’ve just hit the Goddard equation.
I asked a simple question , you think security is is a big bank account?
is that why you come across as so fucken insecure , and and have to try and belittle people to feel good?
writing history is not contributing its just rehashing past events….have you ever done anything creative and forward thinking?
Dear Dumb fuck ,their power is representing surfing to the world at large , they are in control of the brand of surfing where they have sanitized the sport to one of mediocrity , and here I was convinced you were a really really smart billionaire!
fuck you really are old and fulla some of the lamest comments we have seen here!
So now you insult Simon ” Thruster” Anderson , wank on how good the pool was, and the K-Tub ‘s creator now is credible because?
ah what about if you are really really smart but not a billionaire , can you be secure with out a big bank account in the USA?
fuck yeah , he even bought waterman of the year , and can’t surf , fuck we don’t even know if he can swim?
But you smart Merrycan billionaires are all the same , just make sure your fearless leader DT gets re-elected and we will all be saved , Fuck maybe we should offer next years waterman of the year to the Don……oh and now hit delete button!
Run to him Chas.
On another note get Ben on payroll, his volume so far; I can’t stop reading.
if Tom and that little squirrel girl thinks he is ok then I do to! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
What’s the difference between some schmucks “stealing” your Mavs screenplay and this new persona of yours Ben trying to hint at some familial relationship to those directly involved in Tyson’s epic, and honest breakdown of his life in Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth?
Shall I reach out to Tyson’s people and ask for a comment?
Isn’t it about time some surfers started making moves into CEO positions of Forbes 500 companies?
Well you know Ben there is another side to all this.
One of the enduring themes of professional surfers is that of the Sucker.
The Sucker is the person who is seduced by surfing, by its idiotic glamour and romance, and thus plows large quantities of money (his or some company’s) into the whole thing, with no discernible chance of a reward, other than some distant chimera — ie “oh god yes, my car company will really get a boost from this!” or “our beer sales will skyrocket thanks to my splendid marketing decision!” When in fact this Sucker is on what Australians and possibly JP Currie call a “hiding to nothing”.
The Sucker is a person who is embraced by every professional surfer — embraced, and tantalised, and apparently befriended, and embraced again — until the precise moment when he or she suddenly clicks that none of this is actually gonna work out, and he or she has just chucked a vast sum of money down the gurgler.
Pro surfing’s 50 year history is full of these Suckers, indeed professional surfing could never have existed without them, and something in me suspects that the Ziffs are just the accelerated 2020 version — that they have been seduced by the whole show, by KS and Speaker and Team Zosea, and by the girls and boys of the Championship Tour, and by the idea that by hook or by crook or by Sophie or Facebook or Joe Carr, or by the Olympics, or their dreadful wave pool, or by sheer force of money, they will gloriously triumph over Gravity.
Whereas it is massively possible that they’ll spend hundreds of millions of dollars, keep all the boys and girls in airfares and beach houses, and get to some end, and think “What the FUCK was that all about?”
Excellent summary Nick. The power and lure of sucker black holes, gravity and all. Will Ziff’s galaxy of surf stars expand further? I do wonder too if Fernando Aguerre and the ISA is Andromeda, and what will the outcome be when they come into the inevitable closer contact? Interesting times indeed.
I’m calling fuck off to all you elitist pricks calling this guy out. Go check his feed on Insta, he’s been into surfing for years. So he rides a SUP, so fucking what. So if he dropped the paddle, that’s ok? You people calling him out are the kooks, you’re not special, you’re just others enjoying the ocean on what you choose to ride. You known Tommy Carroll is absolutely hooked on riding one, you calling him out? Nup. For fuck’s sake, give the guy a chance. At least he’s into surfing and the ocean. Get over yourselves.
Little Tommy C wouldn’t be caught dead at an inappropriate spot like that, being a dick like that, with an insta like that, in a car-thing like that.
I assume that’s why we’re not calling him out for SUPing.
Truth. Nothing to do with SUP