See if you can find the trivial but fateful detail!
As the afternoon ripens into evening, let’s unbutton our pinafores, pour a cherry cola and play a game. If you’re west of the date line it’s almost the weekend; east, it’s Thursday and everyone loves Thursday. Live a little.
Examine this photo and accompanying words from two days ago.
And, now, today.
The difference is subtle but significant, yes?
Did you guess the trivial but fateful detail?
Two days ago, the surf media, of which we are proud to belong, dutifully aggregated a World Surf League story that promised John John Florence, Kelly Slater and Caio Ibelli’s return to competition at the Pipeline Masters this December.
Today they’re “currently in the draw” for the Pipeline Masters.
I would suggest that one of the three made a telephone call or sent an email reeking of sap to the WSL, putting the company on notice that they may, or may not, surf the event, depending upon various things, motivation etc, and that the WSL had no right to presume their attendance.
Who made the call to the WSL you think?
Kelly?
John?
Ross?
sup with that bitch ass handshake? anyone else see this?
This weeks JOB Vlog. https://youtu.be/4UBROcVeJA… 15:06 minute mark or so. He says he was talking to JJ and JJ said he might not enter the pipe master’s this year.
One of my favourite surfers of all time. “Who is JOB” is a radical movie (Chas edited or produced it).
I thought I cared for a second… then realized I didn’t.
The lowest seedings from the bottom are: (1) wildcard #2; (2) wildcard #1; (3) Caio Ibelli; (4) Keanu Asing; (5) Miguel Pupo; (6) Slater; and (7) Florence. Assuming Medina, Wilson & Toledo make it to round 3 and assuming all of the above don’t make it, except Slater and Florence, it would be Medina vs Kelly and Wilson vs Florence in Round 3. If both Medina and Wiison lose, it could be a Toledo world title! This said, it seems unlikely wildcard #1, #2 and Pupo would all not make it to Round 3 in good Pipe lefts (which of course is a fantasy, i.e., good Pipe lefts instead of 4 foot Backdoor). Anyway, it seems like there is a reasonable buffer against Medina and Wilson meeting Slater and Florence in Round 3, i.e., if they make it. Wilson with Tomas Hermes has an easier round 1 draw than Medina with Connor O’Leary. Of course, they both get a wildcard from the trials, such as Derek Ho, Reef McIntosh or even Rory Russell. It seems probability makes it more likely Toledo then Wilson would meet Kelly and Florence before Medina. The wildcards are notoriously hopeless but on their day a Jack Robbo, Barron, JOB, Koa Rothman or a Moniz can win.
You’re… very…good at mathematics.
Thanks. But all I had to do was read the rankings & the draw. I didn’t require any adding or subtracting let alone multiplication or algebra or calculus. But, yes, was a 3 unit maths student (assuming I am replying to Rielly) and did get credits at UNSW in the maths subjects I was required to do.
There you go, applying your inherent knowledge of formulas and so on.
OK. Thank you for your graciousness. Next time you are about to write a story like this, email me and I will give you the formulas to make your article look top notch.
astros tip of the day: try proof-reading, Derek.
I know, I know, it’s a totally foreign concept but give it a go sometime.
That’ll be astro’s tip of the day homie.
Harharha. It was debilerate.
Phats tip of the day. Try viagra. (I also recommend you do this in the company of a willing participant and not on your pat Malone. A rather uncomfortable mistake)
Great deduction double dick nick! But why on earth are your first thoughts on trial winners Derek Ho, Reef McIntosh and Rory Russel? I don’t think senior citizens on 9 foot boards scored well at Pipe these days
Just taking the piss out of the Pipe Trials, which takes a whole day out of the competition window. The Jewish-Hawaiian-Mafia want to give the Hawaiians a go but often 1/2 of them are old timers like Bruce, Sunny, Reef, Dorian, Makai Poo Stance, etc. Like in 2014 when 20 year old Medina had to surf against old Reef McIntosh in 4 foot Pipe. Pipe Trials is a waste of time.
In 2014 a 50 something Tom Carroll ( from human garbage land to use your own words ) dropped a 9+ in the heritage heat which would have won him most heats in the CT event on a beautiful remake of his Pat Rawson 80s Pipe board in the 7’6” range .What was more extraordinary is the fact he hadn’t surfed Pipe for quite a while and was supposedly somewhat scared to paddle out .
Tom might still have the competitive smarts to surf a heat but the Hawaiians haven’t done well for many years, which is surprising. Obviously the Hawaiians can surf as good or even better than anyone but competitively something is missing. J.O.B won in 2004. Mason reached the semis in 2015 in junk surf, I recall Evan Valiere got lucky against a charging Owen in 2011 (where the judges judged the wave rather than the surfing) and that is all I can remember. Note: I am a Medina supporter from day 1 and I am always apprehensive about the wildcards. Personally, I would not take them lightly. One day, one of them will repeat J.O.B’s 2004 and Gomes’ 1997. Bruce Irons won in 2001, however I have a feeling (could be wrong) it was not a WCT event (I didn’t follow the WCT back then; being AWOL from Western Dystopia).
Nick just to add a bit of spice into the mix if billabongs’ Callinan wins through the trials and gets a wildcard he would slip in between Slater (5) and jj (7) in the seedings and is no slouch at pipe or backdoor having taken down Dane as a wildcard at Backdoor a few years ago .No Mikey Wright yet but if one of our wounded soldiers pulls out and he is put in he will also force a reshuffle of the draw.
Excellent thinking. As you said, Ryan winning a wildcard spot would drop Kelly further down the list. Mikey in the trials and qualifying would make it more crazy. Kelly would be 4th from bottom. The odds are very low both Ryan (a certain trialist) and Mikey (a long shot but possible trialist) would win the trials but who knows.
Who knows if Kelly will turn up? But if he does let’s hope replaces that lettuce on the end of his arms with some hands. They’re no good for handshakes and sure as hell will be useless at Pipe.
Jason Buttonshaw?
jjf
Can we play analogies too? The WSL is a sheik with a beautiful but wilful wife (one of thirty six). She is the one he adores the most and who gives him the most prestige. But she is tired of existing within such an anachronistic structure… Does the sheik behead wife or set her free?
A wealthy foreign power sends in a crack squad of stand up canoe/kayakers who bludgeon the sheik, the wife and everyone else to death with their brooms. Then they give Erik Logan the yellow jersey.
Geez Derek, that ain’t exactly an Anti-Depressive scenario!
It is if you’re a Saudi…
This needs a whole post.
That wife better get on Scheherazade’s program and start telling story if she is going to survive the 1001 nights ?
The sheik should behead her.
But he can’t for he sees that she still may be of use to him. (Hey he’s a sheik and needs to control shit.)
So he allows her certain freedoms – even if those freedoms at times make him look stupid. This cannot go on forever and will end badly coz #sheikswin
this is a very weird version of fuck-marry-kill, dude
Let’s play that. Caio, Kelly, John. You, first.
Okay! Me first! I fuck Caio (Alessa Quizon knows something we don’t), marry Kelly (financially secure) and kill John John with fanboy boredom.
Damn, this is actually hard.
(Also, I am very happy to have this comment in my permanent internet record for all time!)
😉
Method of execution?
Fast food overdose
Fuck derek, marry longtom, kill chas
Get fucked by Chas whilst Derek films and Longtom writes a poem about it in the corner.
Oh ha ha ha fuck, Idk. I’m super squeamish about blood and stuff, so something not involving blood.
Peel off his skin and make a little dress to mince around in.
fuck kelly, be for ever known as “the GOAT fucker.
marry kelly, great property and access to the pool.
kill kelly. inherit property and pool with the added bonus putting an end to speculation surrounding is retirement.
Was thinking the same thing.
I think you misread the power structure….the wilful wife has hand.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Oprah.
I mean…who doesn’t love Oprah?
And she has an estate on Maui.
And does she allow the locals use of her extended property?
No Hale’s, brah.
‘Hale’ meaning house, or a misspelling of Haole?
F-ing spellcheck
Meghan Markle.
That’s “Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Sussex” to you, prole.
Yea – but coming from 7th gen kiwi stock. Who gives a fuck about the royal ripoffs. Fuck them – all of them and the Lord Borthwicks and Wakefield’s and all their kind robbed nz and Aussie blind. Fuck them, pongo cunts.
That’s Your Royal Highnesseseses Pongo Cunts to you, colonial scum.
Fuckn aye, Astro. Hear, hear.
you get a wildcard!! and you get a wildcard… and… etc.
Haven’t we been bemoaning Kelly’s silence and lack of scene stealing?
Nobody likes tumbleweeds…
Exactly.
i assume whether he surfs Pipe or not he’ll have some sort of announcement after Medina or Wilson win the world title.
But of course…
you thinking he might come out of the closet?