Steve Sherman/@tsherms/WSL

From The only-the-good-die-young Dept: Kelly Slater says he’ll retire after surfing in the Olympics!

...if he makes the team. If not? 4 more years!

Any time Kelly Slater gives an interview it’s stop the presses news. Oh you take them for granted now. You even get angry, inside, thinking, “Enough already…” but there is going to be a day, and that day gets closer with each that passes, when he is no longer here. Of course he’s never going to die but… he’ll theoretically retire and when he does I can’t imagine many more interviews.

So savor when he sits down and talks, cherish when Sports Illustrated asks:

You co-founded your sustainable fashion label, Outerknown. How would you describe your style? What does fashion mean to you?

And when he answers…

Growing up, fashion wasn’t much of anything to me. I was talking recently on my social media about how I didn’t have socks as a teenager. When I was kid, we really didn’t have much money or anything, so if I got a new t-shirt I was happy. At this point, to be able to create and co-found my own brand with Outerknown, and have other people who see that vision and that idea is great.

The poorest people in the entire world have socks, if they want them, so I don’t what Kelly’s on about there but relish.

I mean, “I didn’t have socks as a teenager?” What the hell?

Moving on…

What are your plans Tokyo 2020? With it being the first time surfing is including in the summer games, do you feel a need to compete?

And yeah, Kelly. Do you feel a need to compete?

I haven’t made an official statement but I have said that if I were to make the Olympic team in 2020 I would surf. I would probably make that my official retirement after that.

There we go. A probable retirement announcement!

Dry those tears. Dry them now and enjoy these next two years.

Read the rest here!

Introducing: The world’s first exclusively wave pool surf magazine!

Come get kinky!

We live in wonderful times, wondrous times when any itch can be scratched, where no kink is too obscure. I don’t need to tell you that there are online clubs for dendrophilists, those sexually attracted to trees, and agalmatophilists, those sexually attracted to statues. Hell, there is a whole website for incels who happen to be outdoor enthusiasts. What there hasn’t been, though, is an online portal exclusively and only documenting wave pools and wave pool cultures.

Ask and ye shall receive!

The great Bryan Dickerson, of SurfersVillage fame, has embarked on a new journey of discovery called “I started the website because the thought of going for a pre-work surf in good waves every other day would be an incredible way to supplement ocean time…” Bryan says. ” I love surfing and riding waves and the thought of more and better surfing time makes me very happy. Hopefully WavePoolMag will be a resource to this end.”

Let’s ask him some questions!

Chas: Which tanks have you surfed?
Bryan: None! We have contributors like Matt Warshaw and Scott Bass write about their experiences. Would you like to contribute Chas?

C: Yes! I can write about the very real dangers of wave pools. How scary they are, how they wish to rip arms out of sockets. Which tanks you wanna surf?

B: Kelly’s looks too perfect, if that makes sense. You Chas, hurt yourself there. What was THAT like? BSR Surf Ranch looks really fun but I’d probably get stuck behind the bowl and could probably only go left on the advance setting. But the Wavegarden Cove and Surf Lakes setups look the delicious. What’s your take on those?

C: I’m a Surf Lakes man. They seem to be the only ones taking the apocalypse seriously, design-wise. Are you partial to one technology over another?

B: The current trend is to boast about your tech’s wave count. Because at this stage it’s the wave pool makers like Surf Lakes, attracting the investors and park builders. They need to do this. The more waves per hour they produce, the more paying customers a park developer can allow entry. And better ROI. So it’s weird, the fine details of the wave’s shape and thickness is becoming almost secondary in a lot of the publicity send outs, We still haven’t heard from Webber Wave Pools and Thomas J. Lochtfeld. I think they will offer up game changers in the coming year. So, when you ask about preferred tech, at this point in the wave pool character arc, best tech could still be yet to come.

C: Do you think wave pools will breed a culture that is distinct from beach surf culture?

B: Yes! This is more interesting than the wave technology. There are some wave pools planned as urban redevelopment and others as a country club centerpiece. On one hand you could have disadvantaged kids from a Parisian banlieue who build a whole scene around their neighbourhood public wave pool (think of parkour!) and on the other you’d have, well, rich golfers who want to be surfers. At some point they could meet in a wave pool surfing competition! I would see this movie. But in between those two extremes it’ll probably be a lot like wakeboarding, since wakeboarding cable parks are the closest comparison we have right now to wave pools. So, I’d put my money on wake boarders. What is wakeboarding culture? Here, I pulled a (totally unedited) quote off of Unleashed Wakeboarding Magazine: “Being a rider not only take his board , ride it, making some moves and turns. Being a rider is sharing this spirit that connect all of us to that sport, and having fun with his friends who share the same passion”

Amen. Visit here now!

Bruce Irons: “Driving without a license isn’t a good thing! Innocent until proven guilty!”

Beloved Hawaiian surfer denies recent DUI allegations!

As you read right here two-ish days ago, Bruce Irons was arrested on Thanksgiving morning in Newport Beach, California for DUI drugs, possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and driving without a valid driver’s license. A bummer turn for the one-time most exciting surfer in the world. TMZ released more information this morning, adding, “Law enforcement tells TMZ Sports Irons was found passed out behind the wheel of a running car at a gas station. Cops responded, found Irons, woke him up and determined he was under the influence of drugs. He was arrested without incident.”

All fine and good except just hours ago the world’s most famous celeb gossip website caught up with Bruce at Los Angeles International Airport, just outside the Hawaiian Airlines counter, and got his side of the story!

The cameraman asks, “Just wanted to see how you were holding up. News broke this morning that you got into a little trouble in Newport last week. Your fans were concerned. Do you have a message for them?” to which Bruce responds, “Yeah it’s all good, you know, just a little hiccup. Nothing I can’t get past.”

The cameraman presses, “What happened in Newport?”

Bruce says, “Nothing that my legal team can’t handle. It’s just an unfortunate couple of events in a row, you know what I mean. There will be things cleared up here… you know what someone writes is one thing and, that’s what he read but, uh, once my lawyers and stuff find… uh… innocent until proven guilty right? The cops weren’t too… I mean, I did the sobriety test and I was fine. It’s just a little… Oh I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s just you know driving without a license isn’t a good thing, you know, but I’m in the process of getting… my license is expired and it was just the little gap between getting the new one and stuff. It expired in Hawaii on November 16 and I was going back there to renew it, you know.”

The cameraman then wants to know if he is taking some time off but Bruce? Of course not! He’s headed back to Hawaii for the Eddie Aikau opening ceremony… and to get his license.

I must say, I completely understand. My license is also currently expired and I tried to make an appointment but the DMV messed it up somehow and now I’m just totally stuck and if I get tired at a gas station and fall asleep then I’ll be more than stuck. I’ll be fucked.

So yeah. I get it.

Rumor: Kelly Slater Wave Company has pulled out of planned Tokyo site ahead of 2020 Olympics!

Shocking new alleged developments!

It sure has felt like Mother Nature is on the ropes lately, no? Oh I’m not talking climate change, plastics, fires, floods, droughts, famine etc. I’m talking wave pools. Wave pools allegedly being built in every single town from Lemoore right on down to River City and threatening each and every time to upend the ocean’s place atop the pole. Wave pools churning out perfect little barrels on demand so mom and pop and li’l sis can get their fill without waiting for stupid storms somewhere out at sea.

Take the Olympics, for example. Surfing has finally been accepted amongst its sporting brethren and will be featured for the first time ever at the Tokyo Games in 2020.

Detractors pounced. “But what if there’s no waves?” “But what if there are no stupid storms somewhere out at sea?”

Organizers promised there would be no issues, that the coastal town of Tsurigasaki Beach in the Chiba prefecture produces magnificent surf, but quietly behind the scenes the Kelly Slater Wave Company was given a green light to build a pool in Tokyo. Construction was set to begin in September but… hold the backhoe! A sizzling new rumor suggests that the plug is being pulled because of promises made by the central government to the local Chiba authorities.

This, if true, effectively kills surfing’s grand Olympic debut showcasing Kelly’s marvelous plow. But does it automatically negate any wave pool ahead of the Games? Surf Lakes, as you learned last night, is on a heater and what if Barton and Occy made nice with the local Chiba authorities to bring in the plunger?

What if BSR Cable Park has promised through-the-roof ratings with its patented brain-eating amoeba shuffle?

Oh this tangled web is just starting to get interesting but, for the time being, Mother Nature is the victor. Unless there are no stupid storms somewhere out at sea and Kanoa Igarashi is wreathed with Olympic gold after skimboarding an 8.7.

Celebrate: Middle-aged man declares 2018 to be professional surfing’s “Year of the Woman!”


It is a bit early for these sorts of reminiscences about the year that was. 2018 still has some life yet but even still it was just declared professional surfing’s Year of the Woman by Outside magazine writer Andrew Lewis and it’d be rude of us not to celebrate by reading a li’l snippet.

This year has been groundbreaking for women’s surfing. So it was only fitting that 2018 would culminate with Gilmore being crowned world champion. Gilmore, who is 30, now ties fellow Australian Layne Beachley for the most ever women’s world title victories. By this past July, Gilmore had already foreshadowed greatness when she won her 29th tour event, more than any other woman. Surfers have a tendency to overuse the word legend to the point of meaninglessness, but when it comes to Gilmore, there is no better descriptor.

That the world’s best women surfers were dominating the airwaves on Monday no doubt deeply gratified the WSL’s new—and first woman—CEO, Sophie Goldschmidt, who announced in September that beginning next year, the WSL will be giving equal prize money to its male and female athletes. Equal pay had been one of Goldschmidt’s key mandates when she took over the WSL in 2017, along with getting surfing into the 2020 Olympic Games. To have Gilmore win the title was just the kind of you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up artistry that Goldschmidt needed to cap off 2018.

Now on to the question portion of the cut n paste.

Do women like things being declared “Year of the Woman?”

Do women like when men declare things “Year of the Woman?”

If I surprised Graham Stapelberg in the World Surf League’s Santa Monica High Tower and said, “Without looking on your phone… what is the difference between #MeToo and #TimesUp?” would he get the answer correct?

Is ex-WSL CEO Paul Speaker sad that the Year of the Woman occurred after his time even though he had two red roses placed in his cars and hotel rooms?

What will professional surfing’s 2019 get declared?