"This is fun! I can't get enough of it!"
What did you do yesterday? Oh. That’s nice. Well, adult learner and Formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton learned to foil surf expertly. You think I’m mistaken because only two days ago he was learning to surf and only ten-ish days before that he was getting his very first barrel at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch?
Well I suppose you don’t know Kai Lenny.
Or Kelly Slater.
The two have spent the month of January mocking conventional surf school curriculum and training techniques by taking a man who looks very much like Allen Iverson and transforming him not literally but figuratively into a multi-skilled waterman overnight.
Lewis Hamilton wrote, “Now this is fun 🤙🏾 Foil surfing, I can’t get enough of it! 🏄🏾♂️ Would you give this a try? #adventure.”
Normally I would respond, “No. I would not give that a try, damn it.” But look how stylish he looks. Look how poised.
I know that his athletic frame is far different from my writerly one but can’t help dreaming. Can’t help picturing myself as an expert in something/anything.
How long would it take Kai Lenny and Kelly Slater to teach me how to maximize every deduction on my taxes?
Or center, level and hang a picture frame on a bare wall?
2 weeks?
3?
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How about having Ashton teach you how to hang ten.?
Unfinished list of people currently destroying surfing (some from the inside):
Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger
Matt Ziliniskas and John Yeh
Erik Logan
Oprah
Dirk Ziff and lady Ziff
Sophie Goldschmidt
BFB (destroyed by Chas Smith sometime suring 2018)
Kelly Slater
Lewis Hamilton
Neymar
It looks as though Kelly has also taught him to be an attention seeking cunt
if its help with your taxes you are after then its got to be hard to go past Sunny.
If he was a real surfer, his comment would have been: Fucken sick Brahhhhh. Peace, love and golden shaka rainbows.
So, which companies are falling over themselves to sponsor him? Surely those bermuda shorts are screaming for some advertising.
What’s the economics behind this? How is this generating income, and for whom? And stop trolling me with depressing shit Chas. End of days!
If you need me I’ll be in my fallout shelter.
Formula one fans. Loads of them. Obsessive. Rich. Entitled (sometimes literally). Mostly white. Mostly men. “Cars were louder and faster in my day”. That’s the new target market for the e-foil, coming to a lineup near you!!!
Cross promotion for Kai. Association with A list sports stars = rub off effect on sponsorship
To answer his question
No I’m not going to give it a try because it’s Fucken stupid.
When I surf I just want to catch a couple, mind my own business and move on to something else for the day
Not dance around on a Fucken pogo stick crying out “Look at me, Look at me”
At some point LH’s sponsors are going to insist that he pump the brakes on Adult Learner surfing. He gets paid an obscene amount of money to drive Formula 1. LH gets paid $0 to surf. $0 to foil. $0 to believe Kelly. LH will suffer a surf related injury, it’s only a matter of time. At that point, his sponsors will be pissed off to no end and remind him that his resulting absence from driving Formula 1 is unacceptable. LH will stop learning because it’s better than stopping earning.
it’s been said that he tested a super bike without permission from his team or sponsors and dropped it. no injury. it’s still kind of unconfirmed. maybe he sees playing in the water as a safer option than playing with racing bikes.
Interesting. This pursuit of surfing brought to mind Ben Roethlisberger and his motorcycle accident in 2006. At the time, people were wondering whether his actions amounted to a violation of the standard NFL contract clause prohibiting risky behavior.
Plenty of drivers have been successful with amputated limbs.
I’m not familiar with Formula 1, but I can’t imagine knowledge of Kelly’s right foot injury brings any sense of comfort when assessing risks associated with the activity.
before you know it he’ll be falling out of a Volkswagen camper, long haired and jaded, high on the marijuanas.
#vanlife in the wilderness of his £200 million gated community estate
What’s the going rate to believe Kelly?
I have a few misguided beliefs laying around, bout time they earned a quid
Don’t we just have to believe that he is the sun, the moon and the stars?
How to start a blood fued with Joel Tudor is next!
Looks like an e-foil… he has a remote in his right hand.
Beat me to it. That is definitely a motorized foil. Thought that fucked up stance looked odd even for foiling. Maybe someone needs to photoshop that yellow pooftah beanie on the Adult Learner’s head. Oh wait, that might scare the glasses right off ol’ Chazza’s face.
Tow in by the end of the week?
He wouldn’t be the least experienced guy towing
The fucken hair says it all.
Give yaself an uppercut.
Jeez …
I wish I was surrounded by people who confirmed every thought I had was a brilliant idea.
Do I really need to be the first one to make a joke about Chas surfing at an adult learner level? Please don’t make me.
You kidding? I dream of surfing at adult learner level!
…and then you get out the tape measure and spirit level and discover the walls are crooked. Back to picture hanging it all by eye.
Would BG exist if Chas surfed at an expert level?
Anyone can be a pro surfer.
Exhibit A:
http://www.worldsurfleague….
Can we crowdfund a hacker to photoshop a yellow beanie onto the profile picture and insert it into the wsl site? Please?
Ha! That is a brilliant idea!
Just pay my Adobe suite bill. Done.
Plus the bribe to get it past the WSL ‘lectronic gatekeepers.
Apparantly being a multiple F1 World champ and having non stop attention on you during the race circuit season, is NOT enough.
Look at me, dont forget me, remember me i was just surfing…
And then we have the humans that comment;
“Yalla a king”
“And now foil…this is sick”
Do these poor anxious cunts really think Lewis Hamilton (who makes a cool million per week, with no kids and pussy by the dozen), actually reads or gives a toss about Gary the plumber’s encouraging comments. Faarrkk Orrfff.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Happy Festivus!
Neg will not appreciate the plumber reference.
Yep, looks like the full Instagram wanker pal that Elo, Kelly et al need to push them to the next level of attention seeking depravity on social media.
With a last name like Hamilton, he’s gonna be fine with that rough foil crowd.