Revealed: Surf tanks will erase surf rage
and usher in an era of gorgeous benevolence!
By Chas Smith
You’ll find yourself cheering for complete
strangers!
Do you have surf tank fatigue yet? Wavegarden,
Surf Ranch, American Waves Machines, Waco, Lemoore, Spain, Palm
Beach, Kelly Slater, Palm Springs, Tokyo, WSL, Barton Lynch, Mark
Occhilupo, perpetual motion machine, Mad Max, pump house, Yo-Yo
Ma?
Are you completely exhausted?
Well you shouldn’t be because these phenomenal monuments to
Kelly Slater will soon usher in an era of peace and prosperity such
as the world has never experienced before and in this age of wild,
out of control surf
rage.
How?
Oh. Let’s turn to German action sport something ISPO who
interviewed John Luff, the founder and president of surfparkcentral.com who said:
Surf parks are a driving force for social interaction and
community building. Perhaps one of the biggest differences between
artificial waves and surfing in the ocean is the mentality in the
water. It is a big difference to know that you are going to surf a
wave for sure while paddling out. When people are no longer
competing, positioning, and in some cases fighting for waves, the
entire dynamic in the lineup changes for the better. You’ll find
yourself cheering for complete strangers – a rare phenomenon in
most crowded natural surfspots around the world today.
And now we sing.
Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings. The
world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things.
Etc.
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Tech billionaire breaks finger surfing
“18-foot waves with Laird Hamilton!”
By Derek Rielly
Is Adam Neumann the most important man in surf?
He's got wavepools, Laird Superfood and big-wave skills…
You might’ve heard the name Adam Neumann thrown
around if you follow the travails of new money and the
inexorable rise of various tech billionaires.
Yesterday it was revealed Neumann, who is an “avid surfer with a
house in the Hamptons” busted a digit while surfing “eighteen-foot
waves with Laird Hamilton.”
Neumann, thirty-nine, is an Israeli-American who was raised on
the collective farming miracle called kibbutz and who served three years with a
M4 machine gun protecting Israel from its vicious enemies.
His company WeWork, which is valued at twenty billion
dollars, is based on similar collective principals, various workers
share office space, enjoying the cross-pollination of ideas as well
as the reduced cost of renting an office.
Of course, the best part about Neumann, apart from his gun
skills, is the story about the female employee of WeWork who said
he “plied her with tequila shots during her interview with the
company.”
The company used to have a free beer policy, with no limit
stipulated.
Shortly after the suit, this was revised down to four beers a
day.
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Shaun White, Kelly Slater, Devo founder Mark
Mothersbaugh and Tony Hawk open their pipes for the eighties hit
Whip It.
Watch: Kelly Slater, Tony Hawk and Shaun
White in “One chromosome too many!”
By Derek Rielly
Thirteen minutes of your favourite hits from the
eighties and nineties!
Rare are these sorts of pleasures. Awkward
yet charming.
In this offshoot of James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke, skateboarder
Tony Hawk, snowboarder Shaun White and Kelly Slater (surfer), all
of whom occupy a similar plane in their respective sports (Shaun
says he was called the “Tony Hawke” of snowboarding and all have
been referred to as the “Michael Jordan” of their games) banter
back and forth, some stories fly, some zig-zag like a fire lantern
before crashing and fizzing out.
Songs include The Knack’s My
Sharona, the The Ramones’ I Wanna
BeSedated, In Love with a Girl by the
White Stripes (Kelly says he has to play air guitar to that song
and explains that he’s been a guitar man for thirty years) and
Shaun White does a very good parody of Kelly’s best pal Eddie
Vedder with a theatrical version of Pearl Jam’s Alive.
WSL President of Content, Media and Studios
wines and dines young surfers!
By Chas Smith
Smiles as wide as shakas!
The World Surf League President of Content,
Media and WSL Studios, Mr. Erik Logan, is officially in the
building and ooooee! Santa Monica’s high castle has never seen such
hot surfer action.
Oh look, in that spacious office feat. floor to ceiling windows
and appropriately reclaimed shelving. Who’s lounging upon the
supple brown leather couches? Only professional surfing’s
sweetheart Coco Ho, America’s only hope Griffin Colapinto and the
boy who could turn Connor Coffin.
Now look courtside at the Los Angeles Clippers basketball game
(top). Squint those eyes and take in Connor and Griff again but
this time joined by Kanoa Igarashi in brand-new Gucci sneakers
(such a power move considering the current Gucci
ban), the Mother of Dragons and Courtney Conologue.
Each wearing smiles as wide and tight as Mr. President’s shaka.
“Pffft…” You dismissively exhale. “The Clippers. Such a WSL
move. If the League really wanted to show the world and surfers it
has arrived it would have plopped them down courtside at a Lakers
game.”
And while you’re right, that’s also just us being grumpy
locals.
I am beyond excited to meet Mr. President in person though don’t
expect the same treatment. Maybe we’ll get to chat in the High
Castle’s basement conference room. The one with authoritarian
slogans painted on the walls.
Or maybe across the street at Dogtown coffee.
But is it wrong for me to dream of a day when surf journalists
cuddle on that supple brown leather couch? Nick Carroll’s legs
kicked up on the soft arm, his head cradled in my own lap?
Is it wrong for me to hope that Mr. President might just might
fill the WSL-sized hole in all our hearts?
Stay tuned!
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Concierge: Come find “delicious glimmering
triangles” at Noah Surf House, Portugal!
By Paul Evans
Want to paint yourself into overhead barrels on
Portugal's surf rich coast but need a little sexy in your
accommodation?
Looking out across the western horizon, an atmospheric
haze atop a sea surface glaze heralds all the sunset you’ll ever
want or need. Witnessing this final farewell on the
terrace at Noah, you can’t help but feeling you’ve been invited to
the only party that matters.
For its relative dearth of freedom of expression in
nomenclature, notably in proper nouns for people and places,
Portugal more than makes amends via the pursuit and delivery of
earthly pleasures.
And nowhere along her fine shores do they manifest more than at
the excellent Noah, perched just so above the golden
stretch of sands at Santa Cruz, fifty clicks north of Lisbon.
The various Santa Cruz (holy cross) ‘s are many. Which begs the
question, would He really want reminding exactly how He met His
sticky end? Surely the actual method of offing is by the by
compared with all the fine work. Perhaps the Feeding of the five
thou’ would’ve been better commemorated in Iberian peninsula place
names had He only had the extra foresight to turn a handful of
Galilee seawater into Portuguese olive oil from Alentejo to dunk
those loaves in, especially the kind served at Noah.
More of that to follow.
Both Noah Surf House and Restaurant & Beach House are
smart, spacious, ambitious new builds where post-modern concrete,
high-performance glass and bleached wood all open toward the big
blue Atlantic.
A well-placed succulent here, a cross-processed surf print
there, from the juice in a jam jar meets artisanal loft meets
up-cycled fisherman’s hut aesthetic, mature surf chic abounds. At a
glance you could be in the surf haunts of Malibu or Avalon,
only with added old-world charm and vertical history.
Welcome to modern Portugal’s pleasant shred-tinged confluence of
gastronomy, design and internationalism.
The eight bedrooms and thirteen bungalows of Noah Surf
House are cosy, comfy and well-appointed, and suit a range of
budgets. Go all in on your own Mar & Cook Bungalow boasting
seaview, kitchen, fireplace, outdoor shower and surf racks. Or
merely toss your pack on a bunk in communal lot and get your Euro
backpacker on in the finest of style.
Surf House’s cocktail bar, surf shop, wooden skatepark,
organic veg garden, communal kitchen, gym, outdoor pool and jacuzzi
all promise to nourish and stoke your rig to varying degrees.
Noah Restaurant & Beach House has nailed that rarest of
vibe, refinement without fussy and wanky, cool without judgey.
Whether you savour the Atlantic’s legendary local delicacies, or
have virtue signalling hashtag plant-based requirements, a
recurring theme of excellence and modernity runs through the
menu.
And yet for all the culinary craft and cleverness, it’s the
basics that steal your heart.
A wee dish of liquid sunshine to dip morsels of rustic loaf
appetiser in (it’s still Europe, there’s gonna be carbs) became a
daily highlight during my stay. I still think about that olive oil
and its notes of artichokes, most days. It comes from the Alentejo
wine district south of Lisbon and is called Angelica – another Good
Book reference – and I thought it was the finest olive oil in
all the world. As did the New York International Olive Oil
Competition jury of 2015.
From your base at Noah you’ll love moseying down to
Ericeira, Europe’s finest surf town for variety of surf break, a
half-hour south. Or saunter up to thumping Supertubos, slightly
closer to the north. Perhaps boot an hour up to witness Nazaré’s
unique sinister threat.
The surf at Santa Cruz crashes with varying degrees of violence
out front of Noah’s. Some days it’s the best spot on the
entire coast, when slightly overhead groundswells render it
delicious glimmering triangles.
Other days, it’s monstrous and out of control, such is the
whimsical nature of Atlantic cyclogenesis.