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Breaking: Australian Rules Football star saves cousin from “surf rage sucker punch!”

And maybe saves surf culture from the "sea of anger!"

Is everyone just getting more and more angry? Just uncontrollably angry? Between aggressive leash pulls, jumps across reclaimed wood coffee tables and jumps very near but not touching other surfers, between cropped yellow beanies and hair tugs and cop-calling, lawsuit-threatening, social media-blocking have we all just fallen right off the edge into a sea of pure, nonstop anger?

Well, now we can add a deliberately broken surfboard, two black eyes, a sucker punch (or king-hit) and one of Australia’s most beloved sporting stars to the list.

AFL superstar Patrick Dangerfield has been forced to step in to save his cousin from a surf-rage attack which left him with two black eyes.

The Brownlow Medallist rushed to the aid of the 29-year-old, who was reportedly king-hit at Fairhaven Beach on Victoria’s famous Great Ocean Road on February 2.

Dangerfield’s cousin is understood to have had his surfboard deliberately broken during the altercation.

The Geelong star was in the water at the time and didn’t witness the attack, but was involved in a non-violent confrontation with the man on the sand, 3AW reported.

Witnesses told the Herald Sun the man behaved irrationally throughout the incident, before police were called to the scene.

Oh. A non-violent confrontation on the sand doesn’t sound so bad. Sounds like a good time even. Like, I imagine it could easily have lead to a post-surf rage BBQ in someone’s backyard. Ice-cold Carlton Draughts being handed out and enjoyed. A few bags of cheese Twisties to go along with and maybe even some jelly slices for dessert?

Did Mr. Patrick Dangerfield just stop the madness for all of us?

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48 Comments
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Snowbored

A board was broken, eyes were blackened, a non-violent incident happened(or didn’t?!) on the sand and the police were called. A lot of details butI guess I still really don’t understand what the fuck happened.

Party Pete

Through the ages there’s always been various crew on the surf coast itching to deal out beatings.

Frontwards Fin Frank

Years ago I would have bet money on Turps being the first to go over everyone else. I guess nasal sound trumps bot-voice!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I’m a fat slug that smoked for 20 years.

Dogsnuts

I was a handy fast rabbit that would run rings around cunts but when I got caught I’d be drilled as to slow me down for a while, so I was smart enough to not play. And plus weekends were for riding my lid and getting threatened by old crusty dudes.

Lemon Next to the Pie

I’m an official AFL Premiership* winning ruckman.

*As in, our overseas league was sanctioned by the AFL, but I’m still claiming it.

Dogsnuts

What a game!

Dogsnuts

Hey when the Addy does a full paper version of Dangerfields events give us the gist of it yeah?

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Will do

Tom

Fuck close talkers are the worst – one of my biggest hates!! They fucking don’t get it and you find yourself leaning back while they are still trying to get in closer, couple that with the possibility of spitting on you at same time – just want to punch them in the face!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I dunno but watch the cunt surf he’s shit as

The Bitchy Crab

Those ads were getting a little rough. Just turned ’em off.

Phat-wan kerr

thank fuck for that, I hope you were getting paid handsomely for em.

channelbottom

Speaking of Japanese novelty wax and adhesive traction-pad companies; what happened to Necro?

Dezza?

I was gonna buy a taily to go on the sled.

Jimmy the Saint

Speaking of AFL and cousins, how is Ben Cousins getting on, he seemed to be constantly in the news when I lived in Australia in 2007/08 when I was working like a fucking slave on a lettuce farm!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Not good.

Chief Hot stuff

In the joint

DrunkenAngel

you WERE a slave

frank

I think this may perfectly and metaphorically describe the difference between Aussie and American culture, wherein what one calls the “sucker” punch, the other calls the “king” hit!!!
BTW, that dude can’t get no respect!

NEGATRON

Beachgrit pushing something too far?

Never!!

Hope that didn’t come across as passive aggressive.

channelbottom

I’m being traumatised by your second-hand sarcasm, Negs!!!

Lemon Next to the Pie

Not sure if Dangerfield’s heroics, (and quite frankly unbecoming non-violent confrontation*), can balance out the loss of faith caused by his involvement in AFLX**.

*The off season for the footballing codes is the time when footballers from many codes really like to let their hair down and commit a wide variety of offences.

**AFLX is a cheap and tawdry money grabbing attempt to get eyeballs on screens in the pre-season. This year’s version is like someone took most of the bad ideas and then threw in old Gladiator, (the tv show), uniforms.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Dangerfield’s a kook

Kook Kahanamoku

The other year when he moved back from Adelaide, I remember Fox Sports did a promo thing trying to pitch him as some dedicated surfer who just couldn’t help but be near the ocean. The footage they actually got of him surfing was a great exhibit of poo stance from memory though

Kook Kahanamoku

Scrap that, I just found an even shitter Fox Sports clip of Danger https://www.youtube.com/wat…

channelbottom

holy shit that was awful.

Kook Kahanamoku

Amazingly not satire, either.

Italo Post Heat Interview

That tow assisted james bond cuff-link adjust really grossed me out

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I thought they were taking the piss out of him cos he’s so shit

Kook Kahanamoku

Nah that’s our job

James Bickerton

It really is Mexico south of the NSW border when a BROWN LOW RIDER SAVES THE DAY…..

Otto

If a sucker punch is a king-hit, did Ashton deliver a jester-belt upon Chas?

channelbottom

I believe AG was attempting to give him a necklace.

Otto

Such a classic gift faux pas. Gifted a choker necklace. Gifts a dramatic opera necklace.

channelbottom

He was begging for ‘pearls’, but was refused.
Feeling rejected, he lashed out.

shootsthen

Dayum, two black eyes and a broken board. The attacker must be a good boxer or the black-eyes dude must not know how to defend himself or get the F out of a bad situation. I sure would like to know the full story.

Phat-wan kerr

from 1 sucker punch, and if that was non violent imagine the results if he lost his cool and really kicked off.

Phat-wan kerr

a non violent confrontation sounds more fitting for a man named Ghandi not Dangerfield.

Karl Von Fanningstadt

Patty rides a Krypto…
SURF RAGE!…

sorry, I just wanted to participate…

Phat-wan kerr

is that a comment thread equivalent of 2 black eyes?
also,”I just wanted to participate” could well be some kind secret brotherhood mantra for VALs

Karl Von Fanningstadt

Yes, equivalent. Ha!… wait…. damn.

shootsthen

What does the V mean? (I assume the AL is adult learner).

Phat-wan kerr

you need to ask Derek or chas. its their thing.

James Bickerton

Vulnerable .

channelbottom

But ‘Venerable’ if on BedeGrit.

PacificNorthPest

The V is for Fuckable

James Bickerton

As in V is for vagina ? Or some other variant …

gallo de la noche

Valley… Valley kook!
God I only hear that phrase in my 15 year old very angry tattered steamer wearing self.


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