Laird Hamilton, best known for his theories about sharks and women’s periods, has a line of drink mixes, Laird Superfood. According to the brand’s website, Laird apparently had an epiphany one day when he was adding his usual scoop of butter to his coffee. There must be a better way!
I received some samples of Laird Superfood. I tried them, so you don’t have to. Unless you want! I mean, you can! You do you, you crazy diamonds.
Laird Superfood is sold in single-serving 24-gram pouches. They are tastefully designed in shades of green. Gluten free! Vegan! Non-GMO! The logo features the outline of a figure, presumably Laird, riding a SUP. In the logo, he is depicted as a regular foot.
My samples included two flavors: Hydrate, which contains freeze-dried coconut water, and Instafuel, which the packaging describes as “premium instant coffee” with superfood creamer. The Instafuel requires boiled water, which doesn’t feel all that instant. But it does promise to take our coffee experience “to the next level.”
The Instafuel package has a large photo of Laird. He paddles a SUP in a giant, photogenic wave of the sort that Laird is famous for riding. In the picture, Laird, a regular foot is surfing backside on a right. This hurt my brain. It reminded me of the time I saw a stock photo showing a left used to depict Malibu.
But I’m sure all of this is totally fine. Maybe Laird was SUPing switch to make it harder. Maybe that’s what happens when you eat the Superfood. You SUP switch in giant, photogenic waves.
Laird Superfood includes the supplement Aquamin. Derived from ocean algaes, Aquamin contains calcium, magnesium, and assorted trace minerals. The health benefit claims of Aquamin depend on sciencey studies about calcium depletion and bone-density loss during exercise.
According to the manufacturer’s website, Aquamin provides uniquely deliverable calcium supplements that’ll make your bones stay strong even when training or growing old. No word on what it’ll do for your sex life. I know y’all are super disappointed.
When I ate the Superfood I did not immediately acquire the ability to fly or anything useful like that. Presumably it added calcium to my bones, but I felt nothing. Not even a tingle. This was slightly disappointing.
I mixed the Hydrate with bottled water in a 12-ounce container as the instructions demanded. Once mixed, it has a milky, white color. The flavor is nothing to write home about. Not terrible! Just not super exciting.
It needed something. I rummaged around the kitchen and found vodka of questionable vintage. I added the vodka to the Hydrate. Mmm, vodka. I added more. Even better. Then I was out of coconut water Superfood. More Vodka. What were we talking about again, I don’t know. Vodka, good. Next time, I skip straight to vodka. More vodka.
I approached the Instafuel with trepidation. Instant coffee. I once carried a French Press in my camera bag on a bike-packing trip in Oregon. This was a stupid decision, because packing out wet coffee grounds is stupid. But it does give you an idea of my feelings about instant coffee.
I again entered the kitchen to boil the required boiled water, which just about exhausts my kitchen repertoire. I added boiling water to the instant coffee and Superfood mixture. It dissolved! Magic! A thin layer tan bubbles, resembling crema, appeared on the surface. I know this game. I see you, Instafuel! I see you trying to fool me into thinking you are actually good coffee! You can’t fool me.
In graduate school, I did research at the French Foreign Ministry archives, which at the time were housed in the Foreign Ministry building. They took our passports and escorted us through the hallways. We were allowed at intervals to leave the reading room and down in a basement, there was a coffee machine. It dispensed espresso in tiny paper cups. I never figured out how to turn off the sugar, so I downed many tiny, heavily sugared espressos. It kept me awake long enough to read piles of diplomatic documents, but it was not a good coffee experience.
I recount this story, because the Laird Superfood Instafuel reminded me of the coffee dispensed from the machine in the Quai d’Orsay basement. There is a hint of coffee flavor and a creamy mouth feel. An intense coconut flavor, reminiscent of sunscreen, lingers on the palette. As I sipped, I tried to imagine Hawaii and wafting palm fronds and giant, photogenic waves. I failed.
If you like your coffee very sweet and you enjoy coconut-flavored things, Laird Superfood Instafuel is your dream morning libation. It is easy to make! And almost instant! But so is Starbucks Via, which more closely resembles coffee.
Mostly, I’m just sad I didn’t suddenly acquire Laird superpowers. Maybe it’s the wrong time of the month.
Why Laird’s Drink Mixes are the Ultimate Superfood
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#metoo
Everbody sing with me “The best part of waking up. Is Laird in your cup.”
I tried the hydrate powder and I really like it – it tastes better than coconut water from a can, and it really is a great way to gulp a bunch of water before a long surf. I also tried the turmeric coffee creamer, and I really like that too – it’s a great non-dairy substitute. I recommend trying it for yourself. Also, a bunch of my friends that don’t like Laird, and haven’t liked him since they were kids, really like the creamer and hydrate powders. So, basically, take Jen’s opinion with a grain of salt.
Why do people who “don’t like Laird since they were kids” (?) would decide to buy and taste Laird’s food? Is that you, Mr Hamilton? This is not fair.
My point is that even though many of my friends don’t like Laird (wave hog, SUP, etc.), they like his products. It’s an empirical example to support my own unbiased opinion of Laird’s products. In other words, who cares who made the product; what matter is if it works or not, and it works for me and many of my friends (the creamer is better on my stomach than dairy products and gives me longer energy while allowing my coffee to stay hotter, longer, and the freeze-dried coconut powder is an easy way to stay hydrated). And no, this is not Laird. I made my comment for people who may be interested in trying the products -they benefit my life and I think they could benefit other surfers, i.e., people who surf a lot – double sessions, etc.
If you’re trying to stay hydrated during a long session, find a electrolyte mix or an electrolyte + light carb mix that you don’t hate.
There are lots of options out there in all sorts of flavors and compositions. I use Nuun for this kind of thing, but there are plenty of other options out there.
Or slide a gel packet like the ones Clif makes in your suit sleeve or shorts pocket. Down that thing a 90-minutes or so into your session.
If you like coconut water, it’s chill, but calcium and some trace minerals aren’t going to have all that much immediate effect on your session.
Everyone has (or doesn’t have) their own particular pre/post surf fuels/routines, and (or not) their own particular body maintainence regimes. I use Nuun sometimes, only because I got it for free when I ordered something. I’ve tried “gu,” etc. but my current post work/long day/tired, pre-surf routine is to chew a few shotbloks and drink 20+ ounces of water before an evening session. Generally, when surfing during the day, I’ll come in after 2-3 hours, eat something, drink, and then go back out. Finally, coconut water does have electrolytes, sodium, potassium, magnesium, etc. The reason I like the Laird Tumeric Hydrate is because you can control the dose. I use one tablespoon per 20oz. Anyway, I am always constantly trying new things and improving, mixing up my routines. When I was a kid, I’d surf all day and eat Vienna sausage and dried siamin. That doesn’t work anymore, ha.
You failed to drink this on the night of a full moon, hence your inability to fly. When I eat/drink any Laird SuperFood, I make sure I’m wearing my underpants on the outside of my wetsuit just in case.
tempted to ask for video, but too scared
Have you thought about a cape to complete the ensemble ? A Victorian period Cape Otway for the Easter weekend ? I’d Pass on the Cape Byron unless your surfing in hipsters , and maybe a Cape Solander for enjoying a slab with Zaffa friends in Cape Towns.
I’m more than Capable of deciding on my own attire for the Festival of the Crucifix. Cape St Francis would be proud.
Oh yes the Franciscans have made a habit out of capes . If your looking for a bargain try Cape St Vincent near Sagres .
Oh Laird. Wouldn’t “freezie-dried coconut water” just be coconut powder?
PS: I found the espresso machines in Italy to be delightful! Better than French, and no sugar.
From what I understand, Italian coffee is superior in all ways. Sadly, I have never been there.
France is pretty much funner in most ways. Waves, for sure. Food – debatable. Coffee – nope.
just a quick question, does laird’s super food hydrate instructions require the use of bottled water? if so, why the fuck is it not being sold in premixed bottle form? is the packaging for the powder just creating more mass for the North Pacific plastic whirlpool? perhaps he plans to paddle his SUP out there and plant a big “Laird” flag on it once it gets dense enough.
hi, no sorry. writing error. i actually buy filtered water from a machine at the grocery store. the tap water here runs over sandstone and picks up so much mineral content that it’s almost literally crunchy. so filtered.
sorry for being an idiot. writing is hard sometimes.
Remember that Chas likes his writing like he prefers his martinis – dirty… containing at least 1 intentional or unintentional error per article.
I find riting to be quite simple
Booze is the only way to make a food super.
there are plenty of things that become delicacies at 3am that would usually be given a wide berth
Can suggest the classic French dessert Le Colonel composed of 2 scoops of sorbet de citron served with enough vodka to clean the palate ( and make you dizzy) and set you up for the café cognac or 6 which follow .
adding this to the rotation.
my man. does it get rid of the taste of sour kraut?
Well it’s a “Digestif” designed to aid the digestive process but you’ll be that pissed (drunk)and wired after the half a dozen café cognacs that you won’t give a flying fuck what your breath smells like .
I discovered Caffe Corretto in Southern Italy and it negated my need for buying amphetamine off the local truck drivers. Miss those guys.
oh godddd corretto is so good! with grappa! i die.
Yes, best with Grappa. The only way to fly!
“As the founder of the ultra successful Purps drink company I can tell you that you are going to be challenged more than you could imagine my dear Laird – I hope you will be very successful!”
I got that reference.
LEVELS
OK Jen, now you are truly sucking up to the boss man Chas by mixing your newly infused Coconut Super Water with Vodka of unknown heritage. This has long been the go to beverage for Chas when doing his Podcast rants.
Also, although I should never seek to edit anyone’s writing, especially someone who gets paid (assuming Chas and Derek are forking over some remuneration to you for these articles), but I don’t think Laird is “best know” for his strange shark attraction theories, more along the lines of “regrettably know” for those inane comments
Thanks for taking one for the team. Hopefully you don’t have any long term negative side effects.
I prefer to think of Jen See as an exotic Diplomat/ Spy digging deep au Quai d’Orsay and dedicating her vodka martini ( ok un mélange de vodka et pipi de chat) , shaken not stirred , to 007 .
Pipi de chat? Et on dit “un”, pas “une” mélange. Qu’est que c’est que ces conneries, James? First a colonel given as a digestif, although it just replaces the digestif (please) and now “pipi de chat”… Ressaisis-toi, James.
Hi Wally Happy Easter . Mate I worked as a barman / waiter for 20 years in France and really believe that a Colonel is a wonderful way to end a meal and have no trouble comparing coconut water to cat piss you cunt .ha ha
Right. Then, you know, I’d suggest an armagnac or a cognac as a digestif, or a way to begin a cold session, or a way to begin a long evening…
Insults, uh? Why not. Bad manners are bad manners, you counldn’t have learn how to behave like a genleman with twenty years as a barman in some second class trucker cafe. Happy easter anyway.
Petit homme . I had manners already but I did learn humility and was lucky enough to work with and become friends with locals and clients from very different social and cultural backgrounds in establishments all in walking distance from some of the finest uncrowded beach break waves in Europe . No regrets, having had the chance during this period to go to uni , win the French University Surfing title twice at Lacanau , learn a second language, surf great waves , fuck myself stupid and finally meet my German wife and start a family . I love my truck stop from Hell and return yearly to enjoy its fruits ( You’ll be happy to know I no longer have to work) . So Walter P.K. How are things at your end ?Are you happy ?
Ps I see you have spelt couldn’t and gentleman incorrectly and have used the wrong tense for the verb to learn in your 3rd sentence.
Oh feel free to edit! Everyone else does!
I think rum might have worked better with the coconut vibes, but I didn’t have any. Sometimes a girl has to make do.
coconut flavoured instant coffee with rum actually sounds pretty damm good to these ears…..do you have a trademark?
not yet? perhaps this is how we can fund the grit? or just lots of trips to warm places? idk.