Groundbreaking: First ever wave tank footage not featuring an air-reverse!

It's history!

My mornings are pretty routine. Coffee, scroll the gram, make kiddo breakfast while some sort of angry pundit screams partisan bullshit on my tv while I don’t pay much attention- a stereotypically domestic Orange County morning. But today, boy, was I gifted a surprise.

Mid scroll I stopped to watch a video posted by Captain Fins of the BSR pool. “Ugh, another wave pool video of a 17 year old doing a flicky god damned air reverse” I curmudgeonly thought to myself, even as I was about to watch the video like the media-hungry surf lemming I am. I have, after all, been programmed by the WSL to watch flicky air reverse after flicky air reverse and like it or otherwise I will be exiled to Dirk Ziff’s Home For Grumpy Locals, a shittier and less endearing version of the Island of the Misfit Toys.

As the video started something struck me as different. The angle was wide. You could see the entire wave pool wall. The angle certainly wouldn’t capture any of the stickers this young stallion of a shredder was hoping to display with a corked out rotor we’ve seen a hundred times.

You have my attention.

Then, he stood up in all his glory- JJ Wessels. He runs assertively to the nose, hangs five, does a full blown 10, runs back to the tail, and puts the thing on rail. It was the first time I had been genuinely stoked on pool clip other than that time I accidentally saw the pool scene with Phoebe Cates from Fast Times as a 9 year old.

Ever since Kelly Slater stoke Adriano’s title thunder in 2016 by dropping his wave pool teaser, we have been inundated with videos of racey crouched barrels, no bottom turns, single maneuver waves, half turns, and air reverse variations galore. Waves at the KS Wave Co are all shot from the shore or ski, BSR are all shot from the same wall, and absolutely nobody’s shot a WaveGarden clip since Jordy surfed the Basque.

I watched the clip probably ten times. I sent it to my group chat where it was met with similar excitement. IT WAS SPECTACULAR. But why? My friends and I have never had any real interest in long boarding. Sure, I mean we’ve always been around it but we grew up surfing 6’1” x 18” and watching Taylor Steele movies. Long boarding isn’t something we were ever really drawn to the aesthetic of, were exposed to via osmosis only, and respected merely for historical reasons. This was different.

And there it was, the answer to my question. This clip was exciting because it was different, even if it wasn’t something we’d normally seek out. We got to see an entire wave, surfed differently but well, of a different discipline, from someone who wasn’t on the CT (of short boarding at least I couldn’t tell you if JJ is a WSL longboarder or not to be honest). Also, for the first time I REALLY understood how long and how perfect the BSR wave is.

So I guess what I’m saying is we should see more of this style of clip. At minimum, it made me follow JJ Wessels because I want to see more. The real question now is will we ever stop being force-fed pasteurized and homogeneous speed barrels at the Surf Ranch and McTwists at BSR? Is there a diminishing point of returns where we all scream “This is fucking boring now!”? Probably. When that happens though you better bet is that the wealthy owners of the tech will call us “jaded grumpy locals” or “scared of change” or some other nonsensical bull shit to tell us we don’t get it- probably not from the guys at BSR because they seem cool, but definitely from Dirk Ziff, who seems to be an elitist asshole who would rather dismissively throw shade than take a single iota of critique from actual surfers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvQKuWch7cg/


Get hard: Laird Hamilton and Will Smith participate in bonding ritual!

Refreshingly narcissistic!

What do you think about male bonding rituals? Oh I know we live in an era where it is uncomfortable and/or impolitic to talk about such things but this is a safe space. You can be honest here. So what do you and your male friends do when no one is looking?

Do you drink a few beers and watch televised sport?

What about take a camping vacation and talk about televised sport?

Or what about hopping into giant tubs filled with ice, filled even by the voice of action sport and and mascot to the stars Sal Masekela, and encourage each other?

Is that what you do?

Because that is what Laird Hamilton and his friend Will Smith do.

Afterward and on Instagram, Will Smith wrote…

“I’ve never done that before. I still can’t feel my Ass Muscles! 😊 On the real, though… I felt GREAT after.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvR56XbhssM/

Hmmm.

I would rather have the voice of action sport and mascot to the stars Sal Masekela fill my tub with a steady stream of how he and he alone saved action sport and how he and Kelly Slater are best friends.

Refreshingly narcissistic.


Opportunity: Become the next famous face of Hollywood surfing!

Casting call!

There have been many famous faces of Hollywood surfing and you know them all. Jan-Michael Vincent in Big Wednesday, Patrick Swayze in Point Break, Matt Adler in North Shore and maybe there is going to be you or someone you know.

Are you a surfer who wants to act and also wants to be a famous face?

Well, Hollywood is currently looking for a young man who is supposed to be sixteen, in the show (scripted), but eighteen or older in real life. The character is an “eccentric, non-conformist” (hello, BeachGrit reader!) who surfs, of course, but doesn’t have to surf at a pro level, obviously. Also, the young man doesn’t necessarily have to be a fantastic “actor.” Many theater kids have tried to bag the gig, apparently, and they just don’t have our glorious cadence.

Lastly, the whole business is taking place on the Outer Banks. Do you know there? Are you familiar with Salt Life? Can you catch a fish with a hook?

I can’t, and I don’t look sixteen, and I can’t act and I spending all my days writing which means I now surf below adult learner level.

This is your once in a lifetime opportunity!

Interested?

Email [email protected]


Watch: Waco’s new “eight-foot vert quarter-pipe” called Freak Peak!

Wanna get launched?

Yesterday, you’ll remember, or you will if you haven’t taken any unexpected slaps to the side of the face, the queer-friendly broadcaster Chris Coté‘s description of Waco’s new wave, which is called “Freak Peak.”

“It looks like one of those crazy waves you see in the Caribbean or at the Newport Wedge,” Chris said yesterday. “Two waves come together and it makes a solid eight-foot vert quarter-pipe looking thing. We didn’t even miss with it. It’s so gnarly looking. There’s a lot of punch in those waves and it’s shallow so it’s not like you’re carefree. You still have to mind yourself. Everyone we surfed with got slammed at least once. It’s not a joke. It’s powerful enough to get your juices flowing.”

Wanna see it?

(The noted LA-based pro surfer and producer Oliver Kurtz is filming; Kauai’s Sebbie Zietz is on the wave.)

Now tell me, immediate impressions and so forth…

(Click here to book your sesh at BSR. Ninety bucks for an hour where you’ll catch twenty, thirty waves depending on your fitness, skill etc.)

 


Modern Sexuality: Venice-adjacent’s other favorite “surf” website tries to out Chris Cote!

Stab? You are officially on the clock.

Are you tired of our modern milieu where gender and sexual orientation and lack of gender and lack of sexual orientation define absolutely everything? I sure am. I’m exhausted, to be honest, because who cares? (for one) and I don’t (for two).

Well, apparently Venice-adjacent’s sometime river rock hopping online portal The Inertia does care and a lot because founder-in-chief Zach Weisberg, proudly educated at USC though not directly implicated in the recent scandal, just tried to full-on out longtime surf personality Chris Cote.

Now, if you ever paid attention, even for 30 seconds, you’d know that trying to out someone even semi-privately is wrong. Why? Oh, don’t ask me. I’m exhausted, remember, but it is I think and extremely wrong.

Like, very very frowned upon.

Did The Inertia care when narrowcasting to its seventeen daily visitors?

No.

Always one to flaunt societal norms in defense of “the world’s most sacred spaces,” Venice-adjacent’s sometime aggressive parkour online portal just asked surf’s very last personality…

Can we put the record straight? Are you gay, bi or straight? Is it something that people know about? Is it something that you feel ashamed of or are you happy for being you?

Whoa.

How’d he answer?

Perfectly appropriately!

Shame on The Inertia, though. The last bastion of toxic masculinity. Giving river rock hoppers and aggressive parkourians a very bad name.

Shame indeed.

Stab? You are officially on the clock.