surf writer
Dear diary, mood, apathetic. My life is spiralling downward, I couldn't get enough money to go to the Surf Ranch concert. It sucks cause Blink 182 play some of my favourite songs like stab my heart because i love you and rip apart my soul and of course stab me rippie stab stab.

Longtom: How to hustle as a surf writer*!

"Surf writing has never been more punk or more fun!"

It boggles the mind how quickly the internet forgets but those of a certain age will remember the infamous table jump podcast Ep where BG principal Chas Smith went for the choke out on STAB Editor Ashton Goggans.

It was a watershed moment for surf journalism/writing.

I’m not a podcast guy – I find the format too long, too much wheat to sift through – but I did listen to the whole damn table jump ep, totally transfixed. While the table jump was in the spotlight and got all the attention a lot more meat on that bone was left indigested.

One thing caught my ear and has stuck in the craw. Goggans said how much surf writing meant to him and how he wished to inspire a whole new generation of kiddies into the artform. Chas may even have agreed with him.

I thought: wow! Kids want to be surf writers? Could that be true? Surely not.

Following that I had one of my regular online beefs with surf journalist Nick Carroll, the gist of which was “Fuck Shearer, I hope you never help someone in surf writing”. I thought, most unfair.

I can help! And help with the chief skill one needs to become proficient at.

The hustle.

The Old Legacy Print media gatekeepers were bullshit. I want to mourn them, but just can’t. They locked more talent out than they let in. The gear I read on BG, generally speaking, craps all over the old print dinos. JP Currie, SurfAds, Frontwards Fin Frank, Dogsnuts, Jen See of course, Von Fanningstadt(sic) etc etc.

Funny, sharp, independent.

Surfing, once for vagabonds, now belongs to billionaires according to Derek Hynd. Hard to argue with that. But we are still at the vanguard in two things: online commenting and surf writing. A: Surfers do commenting better than any human species on Earth and B: The future of work is the independent contractor/freelancer, vainly staunching bloodflow as they lose limbs to the onslaught of AI.

Guess who will own the algorithms?

When we are all in Harari’s useless class then we’ll all have to embrace the art form and jump in the steaming jacuzzi of surf writing. How? Don’t do it when you’re young.

Young surf writers are fucking horrible. Except Sabre Norris. I hate child prodigies but she was an amazing interviewer and quirky stylist.

Millennials surf write for a year or three and then go work for the Murdoch press. Spare the people the misery of using your surf writing as an extended resume. Do it the other way round. Work a real job then come in the backdoor with some dirt under your fingernails. Commercial fishing has never been sexier. School teaching has its charms.

Getting paid is a rapidly burning bridge on the current business models. Surf writing is yet to meet its Jeff Bezos so until the day of billionaire patronage arrives it’s better to think of it as writing for it’s own satisfaction.

Or a lead into selling something else.

What leverage do you have in the marketplace of ideas? In a world where even Nick Carroll gets rejected by The Surfer’s Journal, somewhere between nothing and five eighths of fukall.

Lewis Samuels made the pertinent observation that the “house style” tended to gobble up young minds and produce a form of the written word where one piece was almost indistinguishable from the other. Especially in taste and tone.

That’s the only challenge in surf writing. To beat the house on style, or create your own.

Chas Smith beats the house style in every magazine he writes in. D. Rielly created a house style so seductive that a decade after leaving STAB every writer there comes off as a second-rate copy.

Surf media started as a way to promote movies. John Severson kicked off Surfer magazine to promote his 1960 film Surf Fever. Alby Falzon started Tracks in ’73 as a vehicle to drive Morning of the Earth to market. Ozzie Wright sustained a 20-year career on the back of Vaughan Blakey’s Doped Youth movie promoted through Waves magazine.

It makes sense, if you have something to sell, to write about it. The last 30 years of surf writing as PR for the (failed) surf industry might be nothing more than slight aberration of the historical norm.

Surf writing is a beautiful art form. I recommend it highly and thoroughly. In its current incarnation it’s never been more punk or more fun.

How to hustle: go start your own ‘zine and give it away. Fund it with local business ads. Go local then go global. You’re welcome.

*When the local High School Principal found out I wrote surf he asked me to deliver a “career” lecture to high school graduates (true!). Not long after he was caught screwing the staff and exiled to the bush. This is a slightly edited version of the high school graduation speech, never delivered.

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NotNickCarroll
NotNickCarroll
7 years ago

Takeaway from this thread is it spotlighted the “critic at large ” and it seems cringingly obvious he does not handle public critique .

joeys nosegard
joeys nosegard
7 years ago

This has been a great article and thread. DC Green was an early on the scene to entertaining surf writing. Some of his indo stuff was gold and his south oz adventures were historical. Paul Sergeant did some good stuff too but I guess that’s like saying you have beers with George Pell at the club on friday arvos.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

Good call, LGR.
Less talk more skin.
Its tried and true.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

I’m hearing ya

Kenneth Noisewater
Kenneth Noisewater
7 years ago

“… as they lose limbs to the onslaught of AI.”

I’m still stuck on what you mean by the ghost of Andy Irons ripping off our limbs…

mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
7 years ago

LT, so what your saying is “get a fucking job and don’t be a societal burden, then maybe you might have something to fucking say?”

sounds good to me

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

seems I butchered that Hynd quote. Should be : the Sport of Vagabonds is now the Sport of Barons.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Still sounds like a twit.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

How much have you made in one night?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

I’m all ears Goat.

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
7 years ago

are you kidding me. i looooooove interior design. that should be the go here. BG missing a trick. real estate. hotels. interior design. BG dipped its toe in the water, needs to go full hog.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

I forgot to mention you Angel………my fav piece ever was the Sam George writing camp piece you did.

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

xox we need much more camp love in surfing.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

The reality now is that if you have an internet connection you are a TV station, radio station, writer, critic, journo, and if you are on insta more than likely a tool.

Some Guy
Some Guy
7 years ago

#farkenoath

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

to distinguish from real writers.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
7 years ago

That’s not the billionaires mate, that’s the bourgeoisie: spawner of VALs, buyers of SUPs, and soon to be horribly injured by foils.

Billionaires think they buy a sport, pay the protagonists millions a year for almost no reason, pay ex-protagonists to escort their better halves into the wonderful world of surf travel, and at some point way down the line, sigh heavily and give up.

Trigger
Trigger
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Classic your a clubbie and your brother is a SUPer and you are paying out on other , man you come across just like brutes simply arrogant to others surfing life.

mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

And dad’s who bring their 12 year old home schooled grom to your local allstar.. don’t forget them.. jesus

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

Not insinuating Carrolls piece was yanked on quality issues btw….just that in this hyper-competitive market place the aspirants have even less hand than the incumbents.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Clearly yanked for yanking the chain of the big bears.
NC did not play along with the circus act. He lifted the curtain to expose the void within.
Nothing to do with quality of writing.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Are you working on something that will yank my chain? Can you expose more of your void, can you believe the overpaid shepherd did not mention you, im fucken outraged !

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

Thanks. But I only did one narcissistic moany thing that was likely more for self-therapy than public consumption. I had one story in me but don’t really have anything else relevant to say, apart from random shotgun-style snark here.

Thanks for your support though Bexy. There’s no way in hell I could class myself in the same building let alone the same room as the pantheon mentioned.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

See, that was gold!

Doody Waxcomb
Doody Waxcomb
7 years ago

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

“Chas Smith beats the house style in every magazine he writes in. D.
Rielly created a house style so seductive that a decade after…”

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Doody Waxcomb

day late Doody. That should have been first comment off the ranks.

Still, it’s true: STAB writers are still in thrall to the Rielly house style.

Jazzy P
Jazzy P
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

I guess that’s where the purchase rumours stem from. Get back the original nectar.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Jazzy P

true?

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Jazzy P

Wot?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Jazzy P

You’re good!

Erik Bogan
Erik Bogan
7 years ago

Surfing still belongs to core surfers. The “lifestyle” attached to surfing belongs to the billionaires, learner adults, the WSL, and Jeep.
Fuck the lifestyle, I just wanna surf and not be associated with the plebs

Mike Jennings
Mike Jennings
7 years ago

If you still think millennials are young, you must be ancient.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Mike Jennings

good pickup. that was so lame and sloppy. I had another word there, can’t remember which.

do you pound the keys Mike?

Mike Jennings
Mike Jennings
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

I hope to one day!

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Mike Jennings

what are you waiting for, just dive on in.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
7 years ago
Reply to  Mike Jennings

Why so coy, Mike?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Mike Jennings

What’s the next lot called?
Post millennial?

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
7 years ago

Digital Natives

janeausten
janeausten
7 years ago

That’s good – is it yours?

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
7 years ago
Reply to  janeausten

Nah Harry.. Appropriated that one from our pals at big Psychology. Generally applies to anyone born after the tech boom.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

Technically one could bodysurf nekked.
Still surfing… numsayin’?

And I reckon snowboarding etc. are still more expensive by far.

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago

Is Sabre Norris related to Chuck Norris?

Jen See
Jen See
7 years ago

The best thing about this place is that the house style is just, like, try not to suck too much. I’m a fan.

Being able to do house style is useful for making money, but not all that fun, on the whole.


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