Are you a Craig Anderson or a Kelly Slater?
When you wake up in the morning, after getting out of bed, brushing teeth, etc., do you think, “Now it’s time to put on my surfer clothes…”?
I can’t imagine you do, but maybe you should. Maybe we all should. The surfing lifestyle is back in vogue and we should own the moment, as by rights it’s ours, but I fear that we’ve all forgotten how to put on surfer clothes because the last time we did was, like, 20 years ago.
Well, thankfully we have D’Marge, Australia’s largest website for men and let’s not delay in our lesson. Let’s duck dive straight in.
It helps if you surf, but you really don’t need to! In fact, most surf branded clothes are bought by people who’ve never put feet to wax. So all you need to do to nail that cruisey ‘surfer boy’ vibe is to bin the snapback, throw the trucker cap in the trash (2005 is over, dude) and purchase a Mikey Wright style Akubra (if you’re not brave enough to go all out and rock the mullet).
Pair this with some naturally bleached hair, trashed jeans, an oversized scoop neck, sockless vans, a stupidly comfy jacket, and you’ve got yourself a surfer. Bonus tips include: avoiding tacky accessories (like thongs with beer openers on the underside) with the same vehemence you bypass a bad Bondi bank, and talking about the weather like an overqualified meteorologist.
And never washing your board shorts.
You could also, if you’re so inclined, dress like a skater (a la Craig Anderson) with chinos, button-ups and crew neck tees or like a nue-age golfer (a la Kelly Slater) if you like to come off as a sophisticated globetrotter with enough dinero not just to travel the world, but also to plant enough trees to counteract the carbon emissions in your wake.
So, what is your surfer flavor?
a) Akubra
b) Naturally bleached hair, trashed jean, oversized scoop, sockless vans, stupid jacket
c) Skater a la Craig Anderson
d) Nue-age golfer a la Kelly Slater
e) Other
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I like those hot blonde surfer boys who wear fitted black pants cuffed at the ankle, Cardigan sweaters (like mr rogers) with a tattered obscure T-shirts underneath and Black vans or black boots and if you’re cool enough converse. Wide brim Fedoras or beanies are acceptable. Should also know how to put on a suit and tie and understands Chanel and Gucci and Louis Vuitton. Versatility is important.
FFS
I’m wearing office work clothes – baggy chinos and lambswool zip up jumper with a nicely polished black brogue. The shoes will be kicked off in halfa so I can ride my surfskate around the carpark downstairs for 15 then put on again so I can get back to the grind. Gotta keep the chops up in this workaday life. Please don’t make fun of my surfskate – its the only thing that keeps me going while I work to provide for my family through the week.
Back at my desk – whoever owns the black 2 door merc downstairs nearly copped a huge pressure ding in their driver side door when I went for my bottom turn weave between the cars and pillars to frontside hack where the wave turns backside and I weave straight back through for a round the car cutback at the original takeoff point. Would have been his own fault anyway for having it out at my local.
Currently wearing failed surf brand trackie daks, sourced from clearance store. A Hard-Ons t-shirt and Player 69 hoody*. Will complete the ensemble with a set of double-pluggers for the morning session at the local.
*I have no idea where this came from, but it is fleecy lined, warm as a kangaroo pouch and gives me a certain je nai sequoi, and I need all the je nai sequoi I can get.
If Bickerton was Marcus, he’d be freaking!!!
Certainmente!
f) Club sandwich: speedos, cap and a paddle.
Haha, sorry
Jeremy knows how to get barrelled
Yup, exactly.
I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything; just explaining how us neighbor island kids grew up. In fact, the description above applies to almost all neighbor island kids of my generation that went to public schools. I’m not sure what you mean by “non mainstream surfah bro” but I’ll try. (And this is obviously a Hawaii perspective). First off, “bros” are kooky wanna be novice-intermediate surfers from AU, CA, etc. I grew up surfing in Hawaii, so we address each other with nicknames, insults, or “brah.” In Hawaii, we don’t really have “mainstream surfahs.” We have locals who surf and everyone else, i.e., people from all over the world, of all levels/types of surfing. Generally, locals out number newbies and visitors, so, I guess locals are “mainstream,” being that they’re the majority. But that doesn’t make sense bc even local people are super diverse, ie, old morning dudes, the portugees from &$@&$, the hawaiians from @&$@, the haole from &$@&$, etc., etc. And I think that can be said of all surfers, i.e., I don’t think there is a “mainstream” aside from the stuff we all have to use: surfshorts, boards, leashes, etc. In that sense, I’m obviously mainstream: I wear vissla surfshorts, spy sunglasses, a TCSS hat, olukai slippas; I have all kinds of wetsuits, boards, etc. So, you’re right but wrong: seems I am a mainstream surfer but I’m not trying to hide that at all; it’s my life. But who cares, none of this matters, bro.
we get it already, you live in Hawaii.
Sorry; just very proud/lucky to be from here, and I love sharing our perspective.
Loved those fat kamabokos cause wit da other rubbah slippahs you’d step on a kiawe thorn then step on 2 more trying to get the first one out !
Chas I’m currently reading welcome to paradise and while I enjoy it I feel like the paragraphs where you ramble about your dress, or how surfers don’t know how to dress, belong in their own book. The title of this book would prob be something like, Pitching Lips and Sucking Dicks. Your welcolme and I expect royalties
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E) other: wetsuit everywhere
Fashion is really important and also quite stressful. Just copy Chas’ fashion.
Never heard someone describe distressed jeans like that, but you’re probably right.
For frick’s sake, they’re slippers! Not thongs! Hawaiian surfers don’t give a flying fuk about what their rich dorky friends think about how they dress. You know why? Because they don’t have rich, dorky friends. The surfers I know wear what we’ve been wearing all our lives: surfshorts, interesting/cool t-shirt or no shirt, slippers or no slippers, sunglasses or not, and if you like, a hat and/or tattoos. Dressing up means wearing pants and shoes, and that’s reserved for movies and restaurant dinners; we bust out the aloha shirts for weddings, funerals, church, and other higher level special occasions. Some guys like gold chains but the general rule is that you are usually at least 6’ 2”+, 250lbs+ (Smaller dudes that can pass with gold chains are often chicken fighters, drug dealers, or hawaiians that love to scrap). My two cents.
Brah my dog is the infamous slippah rippah ova here. I got an assorted pile of ’em just outside my front door.
Ha, smart bugga
I prefer the central california meth head surfer steeze
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part time tile guy, nascar fan, walmart shopper, and starting left field for the los angeles angels of anaheim
Most of us can only dress like that 2 days a week – if were lucky.
I prefer a little retro to creep into my ensemble.
Reminds me of my youth. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
nike air monarchs, wranglers, tommy hilfiger windbreaker
Gucci everything.
Flanno shirt
Trackies
White volleys
AT LOWE’S.
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nue age ironic scooter kid