What's it gonna take for you to yank the curtin closed on your surf career?
How close have you come to yanking the curtain closed on your surf career?
One surfer, who recently moved to Wilmington in North Carolina, the site of the US’s only coup d’etat, announced on Craigslists that the joint has driven him to resign from surfing and therefore he was selling his five-one fish and his Banks wetsuit.
His explanation warrants examination.
Why’s he out?
Because it’s not worth my personal effort to surf in Southeastern ‘North’ Carolina. I must’ve came off as a non-local show-off so they turned the waves off every time I’d go surf.
And/or keep me broke so I had no energy to surf.
And/or make me paddle to masonboro every damn time so I’d be too tired to actually shred.
And/or insist that I should be an actor because I’m so good at pretending to be miserable.
And/or wouldn’t hire me or just straight fire me so I couldn’t possibly make money to drive to the beach or really survive at all or fucking leave for Christ’s sake.
And/or claim I’m too old to surf (15 or younger).
And/or I’m too gay to surf because all the (of-age) hot girls were kept strictly off limits.
And/or because monkey junction urgent care straight up willingly would not heal the rash on my shin.
And/or because Blacks tire fucked me with shit auto service every time.
And/or because I wasn’t born in North Carolina so everyone working a cash register would overcharge me thinking I had money from the NE.
And/or because CUSTOM COLORS paint store opened 4 new locations since I moved here and never have me a fucking decent discount or respect.
And/or because every house I estimated to paint I had to deal with a jealous husband who thought I would fuck his wife.
And/or because I received 6 speeding tickets 4 on lumina alone for not speeding at all.
And/or because North Carolina girls don’t know how to flirt.
And/or because Ogden skatepark won’t spend $15 dollars to patch the holes leaking in the pools or just build a completely shit design and pocket half the money.
And/or because you have to be sponsored to be allowed to surf good.
And/or the old Annex surf supply was way better. AND MOST importantly because I failed at bringing a genuine southwest coast Real Fish to the east coast and local surfshops because I didn’t have the bare minumim finances and space to shape boards/fins adequately.
Peace out you dumb (no intellect) fucks.
How would you pen your I quit-from-surfing note?
(And thanks to @sandwichjones for snatching this piece of poetry from the pages of Craigslist.)
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10 years of surfing Ocean Beach has nearly done this to me.
SF or SD?
SF, though would prob feel same about SD for entirely different and opposite reasons.
Gotta be hard surfing in NCarolina with the requisite Klan hood on. Nicely retrograde politics down there these days. Make 1920 great again, boy
Yeah yeah yeah……………Robert Byrd, Ralph Northam, Lyndon Johnson, Walter Mondale, George Mcgovern. stfu
The burning crosses make it easy to figure out if it’s gonna be offshore for the dawn patrol
Actually with a good onshore wind the hood will bellow up and act as a sail thusly creating more lateral speed.
I wish I was sponsored so I could be allowed to surf good.
This reads like “I quit North Carolina” with a small side of quitting surfing. The Southern US will do that to a person sometimes. This guy seems like a real twat though. It’s like going to a new spot….check your ego or the south will let you know you don’t belong there pretty quick.
Doesn’t seem to be a fan of local small businesses.
Monkey Junction is super localized.
Just gonna leave this poetry here: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The gatinhas say his
polo is pure poetry
No need to worry about one dude quitting. Thankfully, the readers of UK vogue will more than make up the numbers! https://www.vogue.co.uk/art…
why the fuck are you guys giving this sad fool the attention he is craving for? not helping.
I think he is now primed for that old English Favorite , Coasteering ! Jump up ,jump off and swim around …. or slowly sink to the bottom ? No Cliffs in Carolina ? High tide sand dune might do the trick ?
Quit surfing because the skatepark is inadequate? LOL
You guys would be screwed without tha WSL!
Tha muthafukin Wooz
Fuk yes up tha mighty woozle.
Fuk this cunt and his dopey. story.
better him than me!
This is a lot of shit compounding, nothing is going right for this poor fellow. I was going to comment on that shitty fish he tries to ride, but the paint store has it out for him and although NC girls are not cool, they all want to fuck him so the husbands won’t hire him. The register person at the Piggly Wiggly hits the tourist button every time he shops and he pays the out of towner prices…. even the car mechanic is out to get him. My guess is, no one will buy his shitty fish.
and /or coz ma backs fucked and tightens up after every cutty
Sorry but I think Craigslist cinder block dude has got this sad VAL beat !
Endless sand replenishment since the late 90s has nearly destroyed 10 local surf spots, so the two remaining spots are packed on even the shittiest days. And/or the sand replenishment has caused the breaks to go from barrels a few times a month to barrels a few times a year — in a good year. And/or I cannot stand hipsters on alt shapes with no skills and no leashes. And/or I can no longer handle beginners paddling out at prime spots and trying to sit inside me. And/or SUPs.
Everywhere in the world is becoming more crowded with beginner fuckwads. The other day, at a very local spot (dipshits still get smacked), that’s becoming more and more invaded by fuckhead hipster/tourist idiots, i paddled out with my gf and we were the only two local people in a semi-crowded lineup full of donkeys. It was like the zombie apocalypse, and i felt that i had to fight back, haha. I started to go crazy but my gf forced me to calm down and be nice, so i did, and i tried to talk to a donkey (who paddled and sat inside of me) but of course they’re defensive and weird because they suck and they’re not from here. So that didnt work. Thank goodness, four of my tattooed, jiu jitsu, hawaiian friends paddled out just in the nick of time, to part the kook sea, creating space for us to enjoy one our last treasures. Im afraid that one day ill just go nuts and hang it up, which happened to a few very good surfers i know (2 of them only paddle/surf canoes and the other only foils). In the meantime, I tell myself before i paddle out to “calm down, you always get your waves, they’re just buoys in the water, ignore them, be happy.” Haha, surfing is so stupid.
He’ll be back..
With a mal
It’ll take some time. But he will find the stoke again with a longboard. He seemed like he just couldn’t face the truth that he had gotten older, heavier, slower, and weaker with age. Trying to ride the same boards he used to when he was in his prime, or just maybe a few more inches and little more volume.
Sometimes we all have to just face reality, and get a lot more foam under our guts, and get the glide back, and then start shaving volume and length back to where we want to be.
I guess that this guy
Is the target market for
The rise of KookPonds
yep
Don’t tell anybody the secrets. Let the hpsbs struggle in fat small surf
I tell all my older surf buddies to join the gym! Go to some TRX classes or whatever, and their surfing will improve exponentially. I was surfing with my 71 year old friend yesterday, and during the last swell he did three 8 hour surf sessions in a row. He rides longer boards and he only drank a smoothie before each session. I asked him “what’s the secret?” He said “I don’t have much time left.” I think it was Confucius who said “we all have two lives. Our first life, and then our second life when we realize that we only have one life.”
Well shit. I quit too!
2,499,998
1 down.
2,499,999 more to go.
I bet JP Currie would write a good one.
How could you have beef with North Carolina gals?
Sure is lonely round here without JP and Channelbum.
Hey Dr Jen See, can you pls write an article addressing CB’s abstinence from BG due to his performance in the surf? I feel like we’re all here because we can’t surf the way we want to. Kids, work, injury or ability. We’re all suffering!
Ha ha, gawd, right? If there was a skill requirement here, it’d be like, five people and a bunch of tumbleweeds rolling through the comments section.
stab?
where? 👀👀
You know, the recycling center for BeachGrit alum in umm…5¢ redemption value.
NC girls rock…..once they decide you’re worth the effort.
With a knife and a fork, duh!
You gonna eat pizza with cutlery too??? You’re an absolute caveman…
If he’s a stick in the ass northeast guy….he will not make it there. It’s oil and water, no hope.
I wouldn’t classify it as a “northeast guy” thing. In my experience, the people in the South are super nice, as are the people in the North. Reality is, there are jackasses everywhere; although some places have higher concentrations, i.e., the Northeast, the South, California, Montana, haha, it’s all relative. But in all seriousness, the craigslist dude seems to have some mental problems.