Wanted: A slip or mooring somewhere in LA
or Orange county!
By Chas Smith
Also juicy surf secrets!
I sometimes use our BeachGrit like a
personal soapbox, screeching about this or that, jabbing my finger
into the air because I have caught a wild hair and think whatever
non-sober passion smashing through my brain is sensible, valuable
and makes great sense. I’m sorry but what I love most about this
space is that it feels like a conversation. Like a real, honest,
funny conversation and in our day and age of bots and purchased
“likes” “shares” etc. that feels important even when I’m just
screeching.
Which brings me to my point. As you know, I have recently
fallen in love with sailing. Not the sort of sailing that Travis
Rice and recently injured John John Florence do all masculine and
tough but sailing nonetheless (and involving Yemen, Djibouti,
Eritrea, Sudan and Egypt) and I need your help. My best friend with
a wonderful 70 foot downwind sled is losing his mooring in Newport
Beach. I had no idea but moorings and slips, like houses in
Southern California, have unhinged value attached. The man who owns
his bought it a few years ago and sold it for double at the
beginning of the month.
He needs a new one and, ergo, I need a new one. Do you know
anyone renting a mooring or slip anywhere in Los Angeles or Orange
Counties (and I’m gonna throw San Diego County in here too even
though he’ll be mad)? For a 70 footer? Oh I’d be the most grateful
ever if you did and emailed [email protected]. You could come
sailing all you wanted and also I’d tell you all the surf secrets I
know that I can’t print.
Question: How absolutely green with
jealousy was Gabriel Medina yesterday?
By Chas Smith
"More men die of jealousy than cancer."
Do you suffer from jealousies? Seeing people
get either what you could have had or want very much? I don’t think
I do but probably burn as much as the next man unless that next man
is Brazilian champion Gabriel Medina and imagine the internal
combustion in his heart yesterday on the sands of the Oi Rio
Pro.
For there thousands upon thousands of his countrymen were swept
into an absolute frenzy by one of their one, Filipe Toledo. Medina
had surfed the event earlier in the day, bowing out in the
quarterfinals to American as apple pie Kolohe Andino. And there he
sat, bowed out, watching the crowd swell, build and roar as Filipe
dispatched South African as boerewors Jordy Smith.
And how sad must he have been? Sad or sizzling with envy. He had
been the one befriending Brazilian soccer star Neymar Jr. He had
been the one broadcast into Brazilian homes nightly, shaving his
supple skin. And now those Brazilians who loved him so could barely
even shake their hips as a greeting. There was no room for anyone
but Filipe Toledo.
It must have stung and stung badly but how will this
covetousness alter the rest of the year? Will we witness rabid
Brazilian on Brazilian violence or will Gabriel cram those feelings
so deeply into his heart that they’ll only manifest themselves in
some weird sexual way when he is 65 years old?
Much to discuss.
Also, how do you grade the commentators over the event? The box
was all mixed up, Barton with Brad, Pottz with Kaipo, Pete instead
of Rosy.
Better, worse or same as the traditional crew?
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Cold-Blooded: Famous Hawaiian surfing pig
murdered by “ignorant, desperate, idiotic individuals!”
By Chas Smith
"We have lost a Hawaiian island icon."
The Smith’s second album, Meat is Murder, is
arguably their best and I think you probably agree. Morrissey and
Johnny Marr really soar together on “I Want the One I Can’t Have,”
“Well I Wonder” and the titular track “Meat is Murder” which
begins…”Heifer whines could be human cries. Closer comes the
screaming knife. This beautiful creature must die. This beautiful
creature must die. A death for no reason. And death for no reason
is murder.”
Poignant and moving even for hardened steak eaters.
I won’t lie, I enjoy a good steak but enjoy al pastor and bacon
much more. Yes, I’m a pork man but the death of Hawaii’s famous
surfing pig Kama3 has rocked me to my core and let us turn to
Hawaii’s KOHN
news for more.
Kama3, part of the Hawaii’s surfing pig ohana, has died, on
Saturday afternoon, June 22.
According to Kama3’s owner, Kai Holt, the pig was killed by
unknown suspects.
“We have lost a Hawaiian island icon,” said Holt. “A
legendary beast who has touched the hearts and souls of millions of
people around the world.”
This surfing pig was the first hoofed animal to win the
Duke’s Ocean Fest Tandem Animal Division alongside Kitty the
Surfing Cat.
“With all the good that these surfing pigs have done in the
world, it saddens me greatly to see such an evil and senseless act
executed by very ignorant, desperate, idiotic individuals in broad
daylight,” said Holt.
The story goes on to recount all the films that Kama3 starred in
and the joy he brought to so many lives. And what would possess
those bastard ignorant, desperate, idiotic individuals to carry out
such a brazen act? For plate lunch or something far more
menacing?
Also, have you ever had a wonderful pet that broke your heart
upon demise? A dog? Cat? Parrot?
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Watch: Self-aware VAL film warms hearts and
soothes frazzled nerves!
By Chas Smith
How to Learn How to Surf!
I don’t think that VALs are Enemies of the
People, per se, but usually the VAL lack of self-awareness makes
for rough exchanges in the water and/or on land. Lack of
self-awareness is a nasty bit of business wherever it’s found. I
was standing in a crosswalk a few days ago, for example, with the
crosswalk light blinking, waiting to guide my daughter across when
a car blazed right through. Of course I kicked his door as hard as
I could sending him to a screeching stop. He stuck his blubbery
head out the window, shouting “Do you have a problem?” I shouted
back many swears that HE broke cherished crosswalk RULES at which
point he angrily squealed away.
The man in the car was not necessarily a VAL but his attitude
was metaphorical. VALs heedlessly break our cherished rules then
don’t care. They don’t know not to care and don’t care to learn
etc.
Which is what makes contemporary artist Tom Sachs’ movie How to
Learn How to Surf so pleasant. It is not a movie about how to learn
to surf or how to surf but how to learn how to surf.
Very self aware.
Enjoy.
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Pip knocked one out in the final, second wave after a
cute tuberide. With a mid-nine and then a blowtail the final
followed the pattern of asymmetrical heats. Jordy was comboed in
the first five minutes and never looked like threatening. Filipe
alluded to personal problems in the immediate post-final presser,
admitting it had been a “really hard year mentally.”
Oi Rio Pro Finals Day: “Filipe Toledo
smashes world; untouchable in performance surf!”
By Longtom
Jordy Smith makes final cameo, Gabriel Medina sad,
John John's yanked knee finishes his Brazil campaign…
Sleep deprivation makes cats say crazy things.
I woke up this morning thinking I might have over-egged the
omelette last night re: Brazil but after watching a very, very
anti-climactic Finals Day I feel very much soothed because Barton
just wrapped it saying it was one of the “greatest events in pro
surfing history.”
Yeah, but nah. Really, really one-sided affairs with Pip
smashing all and sundry in surf half the size of yesterday.
Twenty two minutes to go and Filipe had a sixteen-point total
against Fred Morais, for example. In the ensuing twenty-two
minutes, in mostly closeouts with the odd “cute little barrel”,
Fred racked up a three to answer back. Pip’s quarter-final against
Kanoa looked the closest result on paper but was nowhere near, in
real life. Igarashi found a one-pointer to back up a six. Pip
smashed him with an eleven-point total.
It was shades of D-bah this year where the Finals Day was a
major let down.
Why the unseemly haste to finish?
Plenty of days left in the waiting period and another swell
cycle on the radar. Not enough scoreable waves in the heat was the
major problem.
And no John John.
With JJF and Slater out I felt depressed.
Gabe Medina also very sad after being knocked by Kolohe Andino,
funky little right hand semi-closeouts being not to his taste. He
wanted “more fair opportunity”.
Fair call, yes?
Let the historical record state that this is the second time
this year the call to run in sub-par surf has diminished the
Champ’s prospects. Kelly had the Tour wrapped around his little
finger for 20 years, calling off the Volcom Fiji Pro, June 10,
2012, to halt the momentum of a rampaging Medina and surf against
him the next day in conditions that suited him more.
We remember Kelly.
Why can’t Medina be afforded a similar amount of latitude to
call the shots?
Who has your favourite entourage on Tour? With Ross Williams
disappeared from history I like John Johns minimalist one with his
manager Brandon Wasserman, who looks like an extra from Interpol*.
Jordy seems to be flying solo in Brazil and Gabe and Pip are obv’s
rocking mega entourages on home turf.
Christian Fletcher deserves royalty payments today, if the
straight wheelie air with or without a little tail tweak had been
patented in 1989. Kolohe dropped one first in his win against
Medina. Followed it straight up with a turn and rotation and a
grinning death stare claim with an obvious contempt in his
demeanour. That was a winning wave so the strong-arm tactic worked
but where does he go next if he wants to make an emotional
statement? A horses head in Pritamo’s bed?
Jords got the walk through in his QF with John’s dicky knee and
had the semi against Kolohe wrapped up in the first five minutes.
One cute little tuberide expertly threaded for an eight and change,
one lofted alley-oop for a mid-seven and Kolohe was gone. He tried
a little fightback with a slob grabbed rotation but all the
insouciance of the quarter-final against Medina had evaporated into
the crowd.
Christian Fletcher deserves royalty payments today, if the
straight wheelie air with or without a little tail tweak had been
patented in 1989. Kolohe dropped one first in his win against
Medina. Followed it straight up with a turn and rotation and a
grinning death stare claim with an obvious contempt in his
demeanour. That was a winning wave so the strong-arm tactic worked
but where does he go next if he wants to make an emotional
statement?
A horses head in Pritamo’s bed?
Pip knocked one out in the final, second wave after a cute
tuberide. With a mid-nine and then a blowtail the final followed
the pattern of asymmetrical heats. Jordy was comboed in the first
five minutes and never looked like threatening. Filipe alluded to
personal problems in the immediate post-final presser, admitting it
had been a “really hard year mentally.”
As a rebound from the debacle at the Box and with J-Bay ahead
there couldn’t really be a better place for Toledo to be. Except it
feels like deja vu all over again. Toledo untouchable in
performance surf, the needle not really moving in heavy reef surf
and Teahupoo and Pipeline ahead.
The best heat of the day was the semi between Carissa Moore and
Steph Gilmore, not because the surfing was anything insane but
because it was a tight contest that came down to a last wave Steph
rode on the buzzer.
“Did she get the score Barton?” asked Bricknell.
“I feel, no,” said Barton trusting the best gut instinct in the
booth. Which was correct.
Apart from wearing the insult from Kolohe’s grinning death stare
it was an easy day for judges. Carissa bombed a set wave in the
womens final, Sally tagged an end section after a clean entry and
exit from a hollow section. The precedent for paying end section
hits was well established which made for an obvious high-ball score
on a winning wave.
Sally and Steph show the energy in Australian pro surfing is
with the women.
Here is Filipe Toledo’s victory speech, never delivered, as
written by his alternative speech writer, the noted Russia expert
Lucky Al, who snapped off the fin on my surfboard I lent him. T
Take it away Filipe: “Thank you, thank you! Wow, you guys and
girls! Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so very much. I am so happy and
honoured to be here. This place, Saquarema, is so amazing. So
amazing and beautiful! And you people of Saquarema are amazing and
beautiful! The waves today were great, okay, but yesterday they
were even better. Yesterday they were great! Did you see me beat
Kelly Slater? Haha. This is a great surf spot! Thank you for
letting us have this contest at your surf spot, surfers and people
of Saquarema. I want to come back here all the time and surf and
hang out. This is such a great place. Thank you, my fellow
competitors. Jordy, please try to do better next time. Haha, it’s a
joke. Kelly, you don’t have a next time. It’s not a joke. Smiley
face. Gabriel Medina, I’m going to smash you in the face, this year
is mine. Haha! Let’s party and have a good time everybody! Yeah
woooooo!!!!
~Crowd goes wild~.
*The New York post-punk band, not the international cop
organisation.
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Final Results:
1 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 14.64
2 – Carissa Moore (HAW) 12.57
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 7.63 DEF. Keely Andrew (AUS) 4.40
SF 2: Carissa Moore (HAW) 15.30 DEF. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
14.83
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 14.17 DEF. Lakey Peterson (USA)
1.20
QF 2: Keely Andrew (AUS) 7.24 DEF. Silvana Lima (BRA) 6.46
QF 3: Carissa Moore (HAW) 12.33 DEF. Tatiana Weston-Webb (BRA)
12.04
QF 4: Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 10.90 DEF. Courtney Conlogue (USA)
10.66
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Final Results:
1 – Filipe Toledo (BRA) 18.04
2 – Jordy Smith (ZAF) 8.43
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 16.00 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT)
10.30
SF 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 16.06 DEF. Kolohe Andino (USA) 10.40
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 11.00 DEF. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 7.57
QF 2: Frederico Morais (PRT) 13.17 DEF. Julian Wilson (AUS)
11.83
QF 3: Jordy Smith (ZAF) DEF. John John Florence (HAW) INJ
QF 4: Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.10 DEF. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 12.00
