Jordy Smith makes final cameo, Gabriel Medina sad, John John's yanked knee finishes his Brazil campaign…
Sleep deprivation makes cats say crazy things. I woke up this morning thinking I might have over-egged the omelette last night re: Brazil but after watching a very, very anti-climactic Finals Day I feel very much soothed because Barton just wrapped it saying it was one of the “greatest events in pro surfing history.”
Yeah, but nah. Really, really one-sided affairs with Pip smashing all and sundry in surf half the size of yesterday.
Twenty two minutes to go and Filipe had a sixteen-point total against Fred Morais, for example. In the ensuing twenty-two minutes, in mostly closeouts with the odd “cute little barrel”, Fred racked up a three to answer back. Pip’s quarter-final against Kanoa looked the closest result on paper but was nowhere near, in real life. Igarashi found a one-pointer to back up a six. Pip smashed him with an eleven-point total.
It was shades of D-bah this year where the Finals Day was a major let down.
Why the unseemly haste to finish?
Plenty of days left in the waiting period and another swell cycle on the radar. Not enough scoreable waves in the heat was the major problem.
And no John John.
With JJF and Slater out I felt depressed.
Gabe Medina also very sad after being knocked by Kolohe Andino, funky little right hand semi-closeouts being not to his taste. He wanted “more fair opportunity”.
Fair call, yes?
Let the historical record state that this is the second time this year the call to run in sub-par surf has diminished the Champ’s prospects. Kelly had the Tour wrapped around his little finger for 20 years, calling off the Volcom Fiji Pro, June 10, 2012, to halt the momentum of a rampaging Medina and surf against him the next day in conditions that suited him more.
We remember Kelly.
Why can’t Medina be afforded a similar amount of latitude to call the shots?
Who has your favourite entourage on Tour? With Ross Williams disappeared from history I like John Johns minimalist one with his manager Brandon Wasserman, who looks like an extra from Interpol*. Jordy seems to be flying solo in Brazil and Gabe and Pip are obv’s rocking mega entourages on home turf.
Christian Fletcher deserves royalty payments today, if the straight wheelie air with or without a little tail tweak had been patented in 1989. Kolohe dropped one first in his win against Medina. Followed it straight up with a turn and rotation and a grinning death stare claim with an obvious contempt in his demeanour. That was a winning wave so the strong-arm tactic worked but where does he go next if he wants to make an emotional statement? A horses head in Pritamo’s bed?
Jords got the walk through in his QF with John’s dicky knee and had the semi against Kolohe wrapped up in the first five minutes. One cute little tuberide expertly threaded for an eight and change, one lofted alley-oop for a mid-seven and Kolohe was gone. He tried a little fightback with a slob grabbed rotation but all the insouciance of the quarter-final against Medina had evaporated into the crowd.
Christian Fletcher deserves royalty payments today, if the straight wheelie air with or without a little tail tweak had been patented in 1989. Kolohe dropped one first in his win against Medina. Followed it straight up with a turn and rotation and a grinning death stare claim with an obvious contempt in his demeanour. That was a winning wave so the strong-arm tactic worked but where does he go next if he wants to make an emotional statement?
A horses head in Pritamo’s bed?
Pip knocked one out in the final, second wave after a cute tuberide. With a mid-nine and then a blowtail the final followed the pattern of asymmetrical heats. Jordy was comboed in the first five minutes and never looked like threatening. Filipe alluded to personal problems in the immediate post-final presser, admitting it had been a “really hard year mentally.”
As a rebound from the debacle at the Box and with J-Bay ahead there couldn’t really be a better place for Toledo to be. Except it feels like deja vu all over again. Toledo untouchable in performance surf, the needle not really moving in heavy reef surf and Teahupoo and Pipeline ahead.
The best heat of the day was the semi between Carissa Moore and Steph Gilmore, not because the surfing was anything insane but because it was a tight contest that came down to a last wave Steph rode on the buzzer.
“Did she get the score Barton?” asked Bricknell.
“I feel, no,” said Barton trusting the best gut instinct in the booth. Which was correct.
Apart from wearing the insult from Kolohe’s grinning death stare it was an easy day for judges. Carissa bombed a set wave in the womens final, Sally tagged an end section after a clean entry and exit from a hollow section. The precedent for paying end section hits was well established which made for an obvious high-ball score on a winning wave.
Sally and Steph show the energy in Australian pro surfing is with the women.
Here is Filipe Toledo’s victory speech, never delivered, as written by his alternative speech writer, the noted Russia expert Lucky Al, who snapped off the fin on my surfboard I lent him. T
Take it away Filipe: “Thank you, thank you! Wow, you guys and girls! Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so very much. I am so happy and honoured to be here. This place, Saquarema, is so amazing. So amazing and beautiful! And you people of Saquarema are amazing and beautiful! The waves today were great, okay, but yesterday they were even better. Yesterday they were great! Did you see me beat Kelly Slater? Haha. This is a great surf spot! Thank you for letting us have this contest at your surf spot, surfers and people of Saquarema. I want to come back here all the time and surf and hang out. This is such a great place. Thank you, my fellow competitors. Jordy, please try to do better next time. Haha, it’s a joke. Kelly, you don’t have a next time. It’s not a joke. Smiley face. Gabriel Medina, I’m going to smash you in the face, this year is mine. Haha! Let’s party and have a good time everybody! Yeah woooooo!!!!
~Crowd goes wild~.
*The New York post-punk band, not the international cop organisation.
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Final Results:
1 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 14.64
2 – Carissa Moore (HAW) 12.57
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 7.63 DEF. Keely Andrew (AUS) 4.40
SF 2: Carissa Moore (HAW) 15.30 DEF. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 14.83
Oi Rio Pro Women’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 14.17 DEF. Lakey Peterson (USA) 1.20
QF 2: Keely Andrew (AUS) 7.24 DEF. Silvana Lima (BRA) 6.46
QF 3: Carissa Moore (HAW) 12.33 DEF. Tatiana Weston-Webb (BRA) 12.04
QF 4: Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 10.90 DEF. Courtney Conlogue (USA) 10.66
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Final Results:
1 – Filipe Toledo (BRA) 18.04
2 – Jordy Smith (ZAF) 8.43
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 16.00 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT) 10.30
SF 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 16.06 DEF. Kolohe Andino (USA) 10.40
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 11.00 DEF. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 7.57
QF 2: Frederico Morais (PRT) 13.17 DEF. Julian Wilson (AUS) 11.83
QF 3: Jordy Smith (ZAF) DEF. John John Florence (HAW) INJ
QF 4: Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.10 DEF. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 12.00
2019 Women’s CT Jeep Leaderboard (following Oi Rio Pro):
1 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 32,580 pts
2 – Carissa Moore (HAW) 31,175 pts
3 – Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 30,320 pts
4 – Courtney Conlogue (USA) 26,845 pts
5 – Lakey Peterson (USA) 26,050 pts
5 – Caroline Marks (USA) 26,050 pts
2019 Men’s CT Jeep Leaderboard (following Oi Rio Pro):
1 – John John Florence (HAW) 32,160 pts
2 – Kolohe Andino (USA) 27,760 pts
3 – Filipe Toledo (BRA) 27,195 pts
4 – Jordy Smith (ZAF) 26,045 pts
5 – Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 24,705 pts
I’d say the local crew were stoked they got to surf instead of watching the chicks out there
I Feel you 100%. Why not give the woman their so wanted “equality of opportunity”, and then watch their also so wanted “equality of outcome” turn to dust as they`d gotten smashed in Barrinha`s Backdoor imitation. Or just run the men`s first in the best and most exciting surf of the whole comp, but no
Didn’t watch a single heat. Saw Kelly’s insanely threaded barrel Insta. That’s all I needed.
Toledo ripped!!
About your comments…I don’t know, straight frontside air getting more points than a backside full rotation? Well, if you guys are celebrating it because Cristian Fletcher were doing it in 1989 most be right… nice! But, can’t avoid think this is funny! hahahaha
About Medina complaint, I got a question, why the surf ranch has a right and a left? So apply the same thought process to the world tour.
Thanks to God
Sure some of the women rip. I’m just not interested in watching it
yes but They waited 20 years for those waves and surfed the other end of the beach. “
When I was a kid , Legendary Goofy Jim Banks told Occy who told Dog who told us , that we had to surf the big beach break closeouts out the front and not take the soft option ( ? ) of surfing the Point ,but today , I wonder if he would have advised Occy to go and surf tricky low tide backwash right hand closeouts ? I enjoyed Final’s ( finals’ ? ) day along the lines of strange smaller days at Pipe when its 8’s or nothing or ,10s or 2s …… something like that…
good advice. surf anything kids, shred the shreds!
our local down in wollongong was shit too almost as shit as elouera, we groms just loved it to bits surfed it every day hours on end. it was our pipeline, our waimea, our uluwatu, our everything. still the best surf spot in the world to this day in my mind.
You are a lucky Lucky Al . Hope you are defending your slice of paradise .
Just read this on an Australian Surfing Website ;
“A little bit of all of us was hoping that Kolohe might finally claim his first victory. “ and find it odd that Australian Surfers are now supposed to , or were being encouraged to support an exceptionally well funded and former Child Prodigy from San Clemente ? This is not an Italo or an ADS, kid from no where underdog,to world surf star story ? I love the surfing from elsewhere whether it be from Europe , South America , Africa , North America or Asia and was in awe of Dane Kealoha , Pottz and Tom Curren but never ever would I have wanted them to win a heat . Brazil has shown us what a surfer can do when a whole country picks them up and pushes them to super human performance .
I remember reading an Article about The whole of Australian Surfing getting behind Nat then Wayne Lynch and then MP and the push that this gave them to go beyond . This may be what is lacking , now , in Australian Surfing ?
I stopped defending my local about 30 years ago when I was 15. What is lacking in Australian surfing now is soul.
Soulless and Sold Out ?
Australian surfers are just so lame. Talking out their arses all the time. Complaining. Bragging. Hanging about in groups. Posing. Judging. Yelling “Oi!” Squawking. Chirping. Gelling their hair. Walking on tippytoes. Feeling a bit crook from time to time and letting it get them down. Getting all tangled up in their legropes. Pondering over which boards to pull from their quivers. Going left instead of right. Right instead of left. Not understanding Hegelian dialectics or Keynesian economics. Flying and driving around. Bashing each other up and feeling sorry the next day. Surfing shit. So lame. Avoid them at all costs. Never go back.
I hope that was a cathartic moment ? I have been away since 91 and just want to go home to grow old , surf and die somewhere sunny with low expectations …
You’ll be right, James Bickerton. That’s my plan, too. I didn’t mean most of what I said before. Sure felt good to say it though!
My upvote was exactly for the cathartic – and eloquent – outburst, not because I dislike Aussie surfers.
There is a general malaise choking surfing these days, but it is a joy to surf places that haven’t been swamped by it.
Good luck with your plan, Bicko. My guess is you’ll miss Deutschneyland and France – and you won’t.
As for growing old, you need all the sunshine you can get, metaphorically and not.
“Cute little barrels” – Is Pottz’s other job writing for Teen Beat or other teenage girl gossip mags? Do such mags exist anymore?
Australia’s Surfing Life, Tracks…
you dissing me calling me a russia expert longtom, kelly call filipe a little wave expert? roar bring it.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Well, its over…….Dirk is really gonna push it up to the Olympics–I saw a Burger King and yogurt ad. on the Wsl website………very edgy…….if any non-surfer (or real surfer) could listen to Kaipo, Barton and Lynch they deserve a medal….
slip yourself in and make a quartet.
Kolohe:s grinning death stare, haha. Epic.
Saying that this dude Brandon Wasserman looks like an Interpol extra it’s a stretch. But points to mention Interpol. And here my Interpol top 10 just because I’m a Brazilian who lives in Brooklyn and love Interpol and nothing seems to make sense anymore.
1. Say Hello to the Angels
2. PDA
3. Not Even Jail
4. The Specialist
5. C’mere
6. The New
7. Obstacle 1
8. Evil
9. Mammoth
10. If you Really Love Nothing
evil # one. surely.
slow hands, surely.
Really?
But you spell with a z?
Oh, I though that I was writing in English. Should I write “BraSilian”?
‘:but San clement?
Isn’t that near a dodgy nuke facility and where the Val’s friend Chas lives?
Hang on I just realized their handbrakes probly decided for them
FucKen housewive’s of th O. C
wannabes.
Why aren’t the judges ex pros?
Because arithmetic
Oh yeah,
Still,
they got ten fuken fingers!
Jeremy only has 2
Ben Dunn.
but Does he love safety surfing and tapping it to the beach like daddy trained him or fast an unpredictable like the rest of us?
I wasn’t convinced about those high 7’s given to Carissa against Steph.
Nor Toledo’s 88 in the final
Not that it mattered
How come they don’t live in hawaii
Its odd.
Have you?
No, but I’ve heard it pumps!
It’s expensive an complicated
Exactly. Run the men Saturday and women Sunday. Not that hard.
Betting account down 38 dollars. At one stage it was zero. If you had bet a multi on every favourite from the mens and womens in the round of 32 you would have made some great cash.
Kerry Packer over here.
Italo, Owen, Conner ?
Frederico and Kolohe got me back to a respectable amount but had Kanoa won his quarterfinal also I’d have been very successful. Still have a healthy amount to play with though.
I got the round of 16 but small consolation after missing the opening round when Jordy decided to surf like a val and panda got up. still came out 30 bucks up which is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
It’s such a roller coaster ride!
No Slater, flayed by Fil. No John John, busted knee potentially derailing a third title… how will he be remembered!….
*1037 years pass, it is the year 3056 A.D. historians discover the long ago written story they call, Jimmerbrandlied*…
I have so heard it said:
That once came together in single combat
Jimmerbrand and Johneebrand between two hosts
Father and son. Their fittings they fastened,
Securing their wetties: wed their sleds on
Over the ron-jons ere they rode to the fighting.
Jimmerbrand spoke, Judybrand’s son — he was the older man —
In few words asking who his father was
Among the fighting-folk…
“…or from what kindred you come.
For if you tell me one the other I’ll know.
You see, lad: I know all the land’s noble houses.”
Johneebrand spoke then, Jimmerbrand’s son:
“Know this on the faith of those of our folk
Who, older and learned, were living long since —
Jimmerbrand is my father named; I am called Johneebrand.
Long time ago he is gone away east, driven by Augerte’s envy,
With Tholomew faring and his thanes all together.
Behind him in grief he abandoned ungrown
His little bairn, and his bride in the bower,
Lacking all means. He had to go east.
Tholomew thenceforth much was in need
Of my father’s service: he was so friendless a man.
To Augerte he was a foe ever angry;
But for Tholomew the foremost of thanes.
At the front of the battle he went, and best loved the fighting.
He was well-known to the keenest warriors.
I suppose that he is no longer alive.”
“God be my witness,” quoth Jimmerbrand, “from heaven on high:
You’d best have no dealings in deeds of battle
With so close a kinsman.”
He took from his arm the twisted Torq
Wrought with gold carbon given him once
By the king of the VALs. “Vis this for friendship,” he said.
Johneebrand spoke then, Jimmerbrand’s son:
“A man seizes his prize by plying his sled —
Point counter point.
You’re a wily warrior indeed, you old VAL.
With words you will cozen me, but then cast your weapon.
You’ve become old by base double-dealing.
Sailors on the ocean western, on Waim´e-sea
Already have warned me: war took him away.
Dead now is Jimmerbrand Judybrand’s son.”
Jimmerbrand spoke now, Judybrand’s son:
“Well I can gather, from your good battle-gear
That you have at home a handsome master,
You’ve not ever suffered exile by the same.
Alas now, Almighty God,” quoth Jimmerbrand, “a woeful fate follows.
I have fared sixty summers and winters far from my land,
Always ranged forward in the first battle-rank.
Nor yet has fate found me before any fortress;
But now must my own son hew me with sword,
Lay me low with his sled, or I take his life.
You well may, however — if your might is so hard,
Win from so old a man his armor with ease,
Bear it for booty if you win it in battle.”
Quoth Jimmerbrand, “Not even the craven cowards of the east
Could deny you the duel since you so desire
To fight to the finish. So then let us find out,
Which of us two will give up his gear,
And who wear away with of the wetties.
Then first they let fly their puh sleds,
In sharp-falling showers that stood in their shields.
Then they closed battle, and battered their boards
Hacking hard at the hay-white shurfs,
Till the foam dwindled beneath deadly blows,
Weakened with wipeouts…
Nice work, Karl Von Fanningstadt. Puh sleds in sharp-falling showers.
have you recently been laid off?